Talking to GodsGirls #4: JULENE
by Farhaad
I met Julene at the GG art show back in March. I didn't say much. I was just thinking to myself, "Whoa! She's tall, and she's hot, and she smokes 80 million cigarettes." Then I saw her again a few days later and I was thinking, "Whoa! She's tall, and she's hot, and she smokes 80 million cigarettes, and she likes veggie eggrolls with pork in em!" Yeah, she's dope. Read this shit!
F: What your name be? Where you stay? How you livin'?
J: Julene, the Original Pirate Bitch. Colorado. And I am fantasticle, aside from the fact it's supposed to snow more this year.
F: You are one of God's Girls! How do you feel about that? Do you ever think God is on the internet browsing the site like, "These bitches..they're gonna pay!"
J: Hahaha you're asking a Satanist about God browsing the internet. But I think it's pretty fucking great. You'd be amazed how many more comments I hear about working for GG.
F: Mmm, Annaliese. She's special. Did you know her steelo went from 10g's for blow, to 30g's a show, to orgies with hoes she never seen befo'?
J: That's because Annaliese is hot. Of course she could have orgies with ho's she doesn't know. But I have no idea what a steelo is.
F: I just got boogers on my macbook, gross. What kinda gross shit have you accidentally put on your macbook? I'm guessing menstrual blood, or titty residue..
J: You even remember what kind of computer I have. I'm touched. Let's see... snot, spit, coffee, cigarette ash, I think tattoo scab/flakes have ended up on here as well. Lube. Don't ask.
F: Shark Biterz. That's really a no-no. Tell me about an experience you've had with a biter.
J: There's this girl here in Colorado who desperately wants to be me. She's started buying pirate t-shirts and cut her hair (badly) into a faux hawk. I'm pretty sure she went to Cost Cutters to have it done, which would explain why it's crooked. But I still have her beat because there's no way she can grow 6".
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F: You get naked on the internet, tee hee. Do your friends and family know about this? What do they think? See there? I went ahead and assumed they did!
J: Thanks to MySpace, my family knows. I went to a small high school, and some asswipe decided to show the link of my Myspace page to my little brother. Somehow the link was passed around far enough that my mom saw it as well. It's funny, every time I go to LA I'm going to work for "The Company" and everyone I "work with" is "one of the Girls."
F: Dudes wearing makeup. Hahahaha. Fags?
J: Yes. I'm sorry, I can't get down with a boy in eyeliner.
F: Julene, who is your favorite Godsgirl? Don't give me no cop out answer. That shit doesn't fly with me.
J: How about favorites? These are women I love because... I love them. Not just because I want to look at their vaginas: Shannon, Chelsea, and Seniel.
F: Don't you want a flying car already? I remember when people used to talk about the year 2000, and flying taxis and shit. Technology is slacking. What's something you'd like to see invented? Wow, that sucked. hahaha.
J: I dunno dude I see flying cars as a bad idea. But I was sure as a kid I'd get some rad space suit out of the deal. Not the lumpy ones astronauts are forced to wear, but some tight-fitting silver deal that made my boobs look big. Which, y'know, would take a lot of space technology. ;)
F: You just ganked a couple of white kids who made a wrong turn in the hood, and came up on $97.33. What are you gonna do with all that gwap? Yes, gwap.
J: Probably buy myself some ice cream and underpants. In that order. Maybe I'd poke a new hole in my face, who knows?
F: This shit is almost over. I think I'm getting better at it... or not. I don't know. Is it possible to be good at giving an interview? What do you think of my skillz?
J: I think you give an excellent interview. And you don't ask the same questions every time. I happen to enjoy not knowing what strange bit of obscure rap-language I will have to ask you to translate for me.
F: Translate this rap lyric into... English:
Starks with the parcheesi face, measly paced ofays
Ghostface, jump out the window for a little taste
The joopy look, my main bitches call me lazy
Educated birds say, "Ghost you so crazy!"
-Ghostface Killah
J: You think you're funny? Shit, I am so white. Um...
"It starts with a woman I keep up all night making sex faces. A bunch of slow white people are unable to catch Ghostface as he jumps out of the window... Looking like a true ghetto thug, the females I primarily give my attention to say that I am lazy. An educated woman would, in fact, call me crazy."
F: That's it. Did you have a good time doing this? I'm going with yes. Shout outs? This is all you! Gogogogo!
J: Yes. Except for rap translation. Did I come anywhere close to being correct? Please tell me I was amazing. Shout outs? This one goes out to my cats, and the homeless dude that stole my purse a few nights ago. I hope my homework was tasty motherfucker!
F: For a cracker ass cracker, she was pretty good at translating that Ghostface shit. I'm really impressed.
