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Paranoid Schizophrenic's Guide to Mental Illess
Louis Planck is currently taking some time off after spending a year as a member of the Institute for Advanced Study's School of Social Science in Princeton, NJ. His interests are interdisciplinary, involving the intersection of clinical psychology with philosophy. His publications include critical analyses of psychoanalytic theory and phenomenological studies of paranoid schizophrenia. He is the author of The Madness of Uncertainty and Paranoid Schizophrenia Reevaluated. He is known as eccentric in his determination to shatter the widely-accepted paradigms of today's clinical psychology.
The following is an excerpt from Dr. Planck's most recent groundbreaking paper, Paranoid Schizophrenia: Disease or Facade?
Think of what instantly leaps to one's mind when one hears the term "paranoid schizophrenic". Is it the delirious madman, ranting about end-of-the-world prophecies? Or perhaps the raving lunatic cab driver, convinced that he is receiving extraterrestrial messages, or that some fiend is attempting to poison him slowly? It is at this point that I must ask you, fellows: Is this an accurate depiction of the typical paranoid schizophrenic, or is this stereotype simply what the government and pharmaceutical companies would have you believe to be true? I think a more authentic description would be that of a deceitful wretch, whose insidious goal is nothing short of hoaxing the scientific community at large, or perhaps the entire world. A radically uncommon notion to be sure, but it is this very issue that I intend to substantiate in the following paper.
A wise man once said, "Governments are too involved in how physicians practice medicine." Wise words indeed. However, this wise man would certainly never have assumed that our government would go so far as to knowingly perpetuate the disgustingly unbridled deception created by these so-called "paranoid schizophrenics". Gentlemen, in recent years it has become all too painfully clear to me that these charlatans are merely stooges, employees of various pharmaceutical companies. Trifluoperazine, pimozide, flupenthixol, chlorpromazine, all useless. Why, in a privately-funded experiment, I actually consumed several of these "medications" and felt absolutely no effects whatsoever.
One may begin to wonder now if paranoid schizophrenia actually exists, with only a few charlatans trying to take advantage of us, or if the entire condition is a vile farce. Well let me assure you, fellows, they are indeed all in shadowy collusion together. The drug companies have spent the last sixty-eight years raising children, from childbirth, on their "Fetal Farms" in Iowa, code-named "Potato Farms", to form legions of the finest actors and actresses the world has ever known - to portray these abominable travesties. This false disorder has made it possible for a significant percentage of the nation's tax dollars to be steadily permeated into "drug research", when all the "researchers" do is spew out billions of useless, tiny sugar pills per year and use the extraordinarily obscene amounts of profit to live out their every hedonistic desire. And don't think our benevolent government doesn't get their share, either.
My controversial research has caused me to be followed numerous times and, quite frankly, I'm simply astonished that they have let me get this far. I've had to move away from my family, and I prefer to stay at least fifteen miles from them, for the sake of their own dear safety. It is also a legal requirement. Soon, however, they will understand. Soon I will have the evidence I need to execute the most colossal exposé this country has ever seen. If I live that long.
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