Member : viridian > blogs > reading "lately"


posted : May 14, 2018 @ 01:01PM pst

I had surgery just over a week ago now, and I'm slowly healing and resting at home. Today I feel really good. I went to acupuncture this afternoon and really focused on my head and shoulders. I definitely had over 60 needles in me lol but I swear by the treatment. Its honestly a miracle, if you have muscle pain that wont quit, do some research and find a good acupuncturist. 

I won't be having any nudie photos coming out within 2018. I'm not feeling it, my mind isn't feeling it, and my schedule probably wont accommodate it. Aside from the odd iPhone nude here and there, my funds DEFinitely wont be having any part of it. I've been more focused on getting tattooed than posing. School needs paid, so I wont have time for that anymore either.

I'm going back to school for esthetician and nail tech. I'm excited and nervous. I hope Ill be able to keep up, and learn. Unfortunately I'm a perfectionist and I hate it about myself. I wish I could be calmer in situations where I'm learning new things, to not get frustrated and angry with myself. I took a fun BYOB painting class a few days ago and holy shit I was so miserable for the rest of the day...I couldn't even have fun with it. I was excited to finally go to one of these classes and paint.

art was never a subject I was "allowed" to take, per se, in high school or college. It was strictly academic. I realized later in life that I literally yearn to be creative but my skills are that of an 8th grader. The other women I went with were creating beautiful lines and symmetry (the painting was of a jar, two flowers and a butterfly). My lines were shaky and opaque. These women were always embracing creativity. Two of them do nail designs, so their precision is spot on. I haven't been doing things nearly as long as they have, but this created bubbling frustration in me. 

"Why are you shaking your head?", the instructor came over to ask me.

"This line, I fucked up, it looks like shit."

The instructor gave me, well, instruction, and I felt a bit better. I guess I just need more encouragement, like the child I am.

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Going back to school is always nervious af.  But you just stick to it and it'll get better.  Good luck!

posted Jun 03, 2018 @ 12:45PM pst

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