Ugh. My grandparents treated us to dinner tonight. And while I love free food, these dinners always leave me without an appetite.

Here's a little back story. When I was entering high school, my mother sat me down and said 'You are going to Corning Community College when you graduate'. The plan was for me to get my gen ed and associates degree out of the way and then I can go to whatever school I wanted. My senior year, I decided I wanted to go away for school and ended up going to TC3, another two year school. I've transferred to CCC for this upcoming year and am extremely happy.

Now, my brother is a senior this year. And I assumed the same rule applied to him. So, when he and my grandparents were talking about colleges tonight, I assumed it was about potential transfer schools. But then my grandparents started tossing around vocabulary I have never heard during my discussions of college.

'We'd be more than happy to drive you to colleges to tour them.'

'Are you thinking of joining a fraternity?'

'Would you live on campus or have an apartment?'

The fuck is this shit. I was informed tonight that my brother will be going directly to a four year university. Of his choosing.

Now, it's no secret that my grandparents/mother favor Braxton over Jordan and myself. My grandfather played college football. My grandmother was a cheerleader. And my mother is a kiss-ass who will think what they want her to think. Braxton is on the football/lacrosse/everyothergoddamnedthing team. I was in the Harry Potter book club and select choirs. So, yeah, they worship the ground he walks on.

Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of Braxton. I am so honored to be his sister, he is an amazing brother. But it sucks ass knowing that my younger brother is getting more chances than I did. We're just as financially strained as we were when I was his age, if not more. It's just wrong to favor one child over the other, period. If you're going to set a boundary for one child, do so for all of them.

It's just not fair. And save your 'life's not fair' bullshit for someone else. I know that life isn't fair, but I'm not ready to let this go yet. It's more that I don't know how. If i say something to my family, it'll fall on deaf ears and be denied. But I don't want to be the terrible sister who is envious of her brother. Because I love him to death and want the best for him.

So how do I balance being the proud and supportive older sister with feeling like the child that was left behind?