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my existence on this has been practically....non-existant. heh, you know you have a problem with drugs and alcohol when you don't even have time to log on and check out the days worth of beautiful new sets. i had become so lost in addiction i didn't have time for anything but work and using. i've missed godsgirls and the sets as well as the forums. i joined this site right after christmas last year and at first i was addicted, lol. non stop surfing of this site i guess led to just getting burnt out. after several months i didn't even log on anymore.

i want to again, start taking full advantage of my membership on this site. i have helped shoot some DIY's and some of the girls on here are my best friends. like i said, i was just lost. i love all the ladies on this site as well as the community. if godsgirls.com was a city, i would reside there. (get on that annaliese)

detox was fucking insane. the people in there were fucking insane. the stories i heard were fucking insane. if i had to some up the whole experience i think i would have to simply use the words "fucking insane" there were people in there that had been addicted to crack longer than i have been alive. i am only 22. i looked like i didn't belong there. but truth be told i was heading down the same road as all of them, i just hadn't been driving pedal to the metal as long as they have. i learned a whole lot about myself and about the nature of addiction. i also learned A LOT about people and what they will do when using. what they will do to be able to use. addiction consumes all. no one is spared.

there were people in there that looked like people you walk past everyday on the street. there were ex-military men in there, computer engineers, lawyers...anyone and everyone. i definitely learned to never again, judge a book by its cover.

i feel grateful for not waiting another 20 years to get clean like those people did. geez louise.

i went in friday june 19th at 8am and got out thursday june 25th. i wanted to stay friday till friday but truth be told i just couldn't take it anymore. there were people in there that were intolerable to be around. there were people i would have paid good money to punch in the fucking face.

a lot of it was total detox cliche just like it is in the movies. cigarettes and decaf coffee in overdose amounts.

i feel like a new man, because i am one. i know i only have one week sober and i'm not saying i am out of the woods yet but just like the saying they use to close out AA/NA meetings "keep coming back, it works if you work it."

i am fucking working it. i am going to 90 Narcotics Annonymous meetings in 90 days as well as going monday to sign up for outpatient services. i have no desire right now to drink alcohol or take pills. the only thing that is kind of tapping me on the shoulder right now is the marijuana. oh, how much i have loved mary jane over the years and i'd advocated -and still do advocate- marijuana as a healing medicine. i know first hand via seeing my ovarian cancer stricken mother unable to eat until she smoked weed and then had an appetite. marijuana had shut down my ability to be a productive human being as well as save money. damn you! expensive high grade marijuana!

anyways, i am clean and sober and i don't want to live any other way. i feel amazing. i haven't felt this good since i was like 13 years old before i started using. i now plan on getting back on track with my loves. performing music, photography (photographing nekid womens in particular, duh), and writing. i am contemplating making writing a screen play for a movie about detox. sort of like what the movie Waiting did for the food service industry. i would like to write a hilarious movie about Detox because a lot of what happened in there was so fucked up it was hilarious. some of it was just laughable. some of it was really horrible.

i'm glad to be back in action on Godsgirls.com. all of you ladies are the most uniquely beautiful creatures on this planet. i have months of sets to go back and catch up on.

i'm just glad to be back. i want to directly thank annaliese for bringing this whole thing to life. i love it and i know we all do.

all hail GG.