themorningstar's journals

I love the smell of clarified butter.  I was making some today, and it just reminded me how much I love the smell of properly made clarified butter.  I know I mentioned in a previous journal that I was getting fired, but from the looks of things they won't be able to afford to fire me, which is good because it affords me more time to find a new source of income. 

Outside of that, things are looking up,  I met this chick back in my hometown a while back and she's pretty cool.  She's just a little on the crazy side of things, but it's crazy as a byproduct of environment, which is easier to deal with and understand.  It's weird, we talk everyday, we get along spectacularly, but neither of us want to be in a relationship.  Basically we're in a relationship, we just aren't calling it anything, it's strange because we really like each other.  I don't know, I don't want to get into a long distance relationship, but this girl seems like too perfect a match for me to let her go.  Suggestions, anyone?

 

 

So I got a call a 2:30 in the morning from a buddy, and he had been drinking with the general manager of the restaurant I work at.  And apparently I'm getting fired, but I have no idea when.  Now I'm just waiting for the axe to drop, and it's a shitty feeling.  At least I know that I need to be looking for a new job.  I'm getting fired because we aren't making enough money off the food:  apparently that's my fault, and not because they don't advertise whatsoever.   I'm kinda pissed off, but don't want to quit, because I plan on drawing unemployment.

Sorry, I had to vent.

it has been quite a while since i wrote a journal, since before christmas.  i hope everyone had a good holiday, mine was good and busy, and it seems like i have been busy ever since i got home. 

i'm considering trying to find a new job, i love cooking, but the restaurant i'm working at is horribly run.  most of the owners efforts are put into to the bar business and not the food.  they won't advertise the food and then they bitch at me because they aren't turning a profit on the food side of the business.  it's as though they have never heard the old adage that states " you have to spend money to make money."   but hell, what are you gonna do, right?  i cooked a steak for a gentleman yesterday and he proceeded to tell me that it was the best steak in the area, talk about an ego boost.  i was also told that if i continue to cook in the manner that i have been that i could be the best chef in the triangle area within six years.  while that was a very nice thing for someone to say, i can't bring myself to even come close to believing it possible.

ok, well it's time for this tired chef to go to bed.  good evening all.

As usual, I feel bad this time of year.  A lot of my friends say that they are going to get me presents, despite all my protests.  I try to explain to everyone that I am broke and cannot afford to buy all my friends presents.  My family is so big that I'm usually broke after buying for them.  It always makes me feel bad when some gives me something and I don't have anything for them.  I just don't want my friends to think that I don't care about them, because that's definitely not what's going on. 

On the bright side, I think that my folks are buying me a digital camera for christmas.  hell yea.

i think i like Regina Spektor.  i had never really heard her at all till the other day.  there is something infectious about her voice, she kinda reminds me of Nellie McKay.  that's pretty much it, just kinda wondering if anybody else likes her or if it's just me.

I'm going to a punk show next thursday and I'm real excited.  It's The Bouncing Souls, Whole Wheat Bread, The Street Dogs, and World Inferno Friendhip Society.  I haven't seen the Bouncing Souls in like 4 years, I hope they're still awesome live. 

Has anyone else noticed that M & M's and Hershey Kisses have been running the same damn christmas commercials for like 6 years.  I just recently realized that.

I was gonna write something here but have completely forgotten what it was.

I really want a Nintendo Wii.

A chick pea is neither a chick nor a pea.  Discuss amongst yourselves.

At this point in my life I have decided that celibacy is the way for me to go.  I've been following my penis for far too long and it keeps getting me in trouble, I'm trying teach myself that thinking with my up-top head is the way to go.  The shitty thing is now that I am purposely not having sex, a few different girls have really started showing some interest in me.  And while I realize that could start hanging with a girl without jumping into sex, I don't want to tempt myself.  My issue is, how long do I do the celibacy thing?  How long till I learn my lesson?  It's only been about a month so far, but this is the longest I've ever gone without sex on purpose. 

......The Warriors, that's it, i love this movie.  if you've never seen it, you definitely should, it's a fucking classic. 

so, i've decided that the apocalypse is nigh at hand:  for the four horsemen have begun to ride, and lo let it be know unto mankind that i am death.

freaked out?  you should be.  

as you may know from my last post, my grandmother died a week and a half ago.  bad enough right?  two days ago, my ex calls me to tell me her grandmother just died.  later on that day another ex tells me that her mother is dying.  yesterday a friend/coworker found out that his grandfather just died.  then tonight i called this girl i just met like a month ago, and she's in maryland because her grandmother is dying.   then shortly after that, i get a phone call from the hospital in my home town, my mother is in the hospital because she's having chest pains(they think she's fine, but they have to run some tests).  i'm kinda freakin out right now, because this is really really strange.  i don't know how to deal with this, but i just had to put it out there.  ok, i need to try to calm down and get some rest.

g'night

I may be gone for a little while, I got some thinking to do, a good bit of thinking.  I had to go see my family this weekend, my grandma died a couple of days ago.  The funeral service was really nice, but it kinda sucked having to be a pall bearer.  My head's kinda jumbly right now.  One good thing I can say, is that this situation has put a lot of the little shit that I've been worrying about into perspective.  It's just been a really tough few days, and I need to get myself straightened out.