stuxee's journals

i'm really pissed off/disappointed/disgusted.

over the weekend we played a benefit show for a friend's band mate that died at 18 from a brain anurism.  fucking bogus consequences.  we were set to be the 2nd last band on the bill.  the headlining band, had not shown up yet.  these guys are dudes my band has known for years and over the last how-long they have gotten a massive ego-trip into themselves, showing up to tiny shows with their smoke machine and lights, fancy hair and painted nails.  it's fucking stupid.  giving people running shows hell and being really rude/elitest.

so we were playing and they had still not arrived yet.  i thanked all the bands that played throughout the day and then said 'but no thanks to wish for wings, no fucking thanks'  just after i finished sayign that they roll through the door dressed up to the 9s and wheeling in all their gear.  we finished our set and it was fucking awesome, the energy was electric and it's probabyl the most emotional show we've played.

after we played i went straight to the merch to catch my breath/sell shit whilst our band packed up.  one of the members form theb and in question came over to me and started bailing me up from accross the table, getting more and more escalated.  then another one of them came over and they both threatened to beat the crap out of me etc etc etc.   so they are all 'you had plenty to say up there now what the fuck do you have to say now?'  i explained to them that it didnt look like they were showing up, we had heard a million things about them being rockstars and bullshit lately and it made me angry.  noone who was running the show had any idea where they were or why they were so late.  they let noone know.  every band that played was there from before the first band played.  it was disrespectful they way they just expect to show up whenever they want to.  so the dude that came up first kept being like 'so you wanna have a go?  well lets do it'

i'm not a violent person, ever.  i refuse to swing fists and try to avoid a reason to fight at any time.  i explained this to him and he said 'so you can't back your words up?' and i repeated what i'd said about respect etc.

so they left and started setting up, and half the room came up to me wanting to know what just happened, and i told them, and all agreed that what i said needed to be said, and that they would help me get out of the show without having my head handed to me. 

our bass player, who is long time friends with one of the dudes in this band left without saying anythign to any of us, and i later learned he was embarressed by me etc.  i sms'd him saying i stand by what i said and i feltl ike i had a right to say it.

so the next day comes and shit calms down.... and i log into our bands myspace to find a FRIEND REQUEST from this dude that threatened me, and in the notes it said 'yo stu you fuckin ass, theo nly reason i didnt beat your mouth in is because i was there and saw mitches family/friends in pieces at his funeral'

now, i have a couple of problems with this action.

a) why request to be in my friends list for my band, who obviously doesn't support theirs
b) why tell me about the funeral?  there's no need to martyr yourself by telling me something he did.  and if he WAS at the funeral, you think he'd have the respect for the kids memory to front up to the show early or at last let people know where they were
c) why threaten violence?  lifting fists is the first sign of guilt.  talk it out and give explanation instead of making yourself feel better by hitting someone else.
d) if you're so worried about the way people think about you, show up on time, don't be cunts to people, don't threaten people infront of 150 kids at a charity show
e) if you're convinced you're such an upstanding citizen, don't threaten over the fucking internet?!!!  don't do it in the notes of a friend request.... just don't bother.


people are idiots, fuck anyone who fights, fuck all this pride based bullshit, fuck jock attitudes.   if he had hit me i would have been on the phone to the cops and the jerk can see me in court for assault. 

"with a mind far greater than your fucking fists"

so this weekend was hugggeeeeeeee.


we played 3 shows in 3 nights, with one of the bands from my town that i look up to as kings of this scene, AGAINST.  it was really fucking cool, the 1st two shows were pathatic in size, but during the time that they played all us older crew go our pride on and fucked the place up.   why? because they decided to finally start playing old shit again!!!!  it was awesome, all the classics.

so every morning after i would find myself waking up with the same aches and pains as the old days of their shows, when shit was just bananas.

thel ast show on the sunshine coast was by far and large the best.  unfortunately we had to open and it was the town that is mostly 'our' crowd so a few kids missed us.  but fuck, we smashed it out, we did every night actually.  i was in the WORST more before we played and the BEST one after... and that, for me is why i started bands.

so post-weekend i started my job @ ikea, this place is fucking incredible.  seriously.  i can transfer anywhere in the world if i want to (what up, cali!) and they treat there staff so well.  at the end of the training days yesterday, they made a point of saying 'ikea is not the kind of company that employs anyone, we have chosen all of you because we genuinely see something in each of you' and then went on to say that if ikea is on your CV you tend to float to the top of every pile in another job.

today we finish mixing the record, fuckign siked. it means ill have an amazing sounding copy in my hands by the end of the night!  

we also have a new myspace coming up, so you'll all have to scope it out sometime once its up.... shit's getting professional. yikes!!!!

i'm so fucking sore... night 1 of the 3 in a row is now over.  this is insane... i punnished myself last night.  we had to play with minimal breaks because the show was running way late.  it was rediculous.

we played really well, people seemed pretty into it.  it's weird... we seem to get a heaps better responce if i'm really angry when we play and just rant at the crowd.  it's random.  maybe Australian crowds thrive on the aggression or something?  i don't know.

i finally achieved a "dream" of mine last night to... i'm playing these 3 shows with a band called AGAINST, basicly, if it wasn't for this band i probably would have stayed too scared to come to shows and be a part of something bigger than myself.   I spoke to their singer Greg in a music store one day at random to tell him his band was awesome @ AFI in like 03 or something...  he told me i should come to their show in 2 weeks time..  i missed that show, but went the following week to Mary St nightclub... and the rest is history.

last night they played heaps of old stuff, the stuff that got me into the scene.  it was amazing!  i feltl ike i was 18 or 19 again... i didn't care... moshed and climbed on dudes... it was sick.

this weekend will be one to remember for sure.


i put a new interview on the blog this morning: 

okay so i just got back form IKEA where i recieved my contract and uniforms.  this company hooks you up big time i swear!!! they gave me a belt, 2 pairs of slacks, 2 polos, 2 high vis polos, 2 tees and a fucking jumper.... epic!

really happy i have like 60 something hours in my first fortnight, being payed 19.34 an hour... it's near 3 times what i was getting as an apprentice barber, somehow i don't think life is going to be too stressful in temrs of money for a little while.  so happy.

anyways, i gotta go and get ready for the show tonight.... 3 shows in 3 nights, this is going to be the first test of "tour" stamina.  wish me luck.

i just had the first stanza pop into my head and thought i would sign in and just run with it. this is what i came up with. pretty stoked. it's about the simple actions we wish for or don't want and how at the end of the day they do not define us. who are are is irrelivant, what we do is important, how you do it is what people remember.

"more to me"

i want to learn,
i want to be,
i know there's more
more to me

i want to live,
i don't want to die,
i know there's more
more to me

i want to love,
i want to be loved,
i know there's more
more to me

i want to sleep,
i don't want to wake,
i know there's more
more to me

i want to play,
i envy the free,
i know there's more
more to me

i want to cry,
i won't say why,
i know there's more
more to me

it's not who you are,
it's what you do,
i know there's more
more to me

and it's fucking weird... she's being really forward it's freaking me out a bit.

this chick randomly added me to msn lastn ight and we were just talking normal talk then band came up and she "realised" she saw my band last week then proceeded to tell me she thinks im really hot and blah blah blah, feeling uncomfortable as.

so today she's talking to me more, but calling me baby n shit?  hectic right?  shes like 'come out with me tonight' and stuff... i'm like 'i'm boring, i wont be good company' and she just back at it with 'oh no, i'd love to see you' and i asked why and shes like 'oh... just because ;);) we could find something to do'


WHAT THE FUUCCCKKKK KIDS?!!!

now she's asking me if i drive and is telling me she wants to cook me dinner.... fucking hell.


i've never been in this position before... HELP!!!!

IKEA called.  i'm in!!! 


pick up my contract/uniform on friday,  training on monday and tuesday.


s.i.k.e.d

<3 emulators and being addicted to this game.

trust comes tough crew neccckkkk!!