stuxee's journals

so... this week is massive.

i leave for tour tomorrow.  a small weekend one to newcastle to play THE DEAD WALK!'s last home shows.  so fucking keen to get out of here.

i've just been told by my mum she's going to pay me $1000 and gym membership to lose 20kg.... i'm stoked because i stopped going to the gym for the sole fact that i could not afford to go anymore.

my band got asked during the week to play with one of our all time influences,..... IGNITE!!!!!! holy shiiittttt!!! we are the main support @ this show to, so it's a big deal for us.

picked up the first rough mix of the album a couple of days ago, and i'm really happy with things so far.  i'm really looking forward to the mixing/editing sessions to watch it all come together... now's all the glossy things coming up... promotional photos, album artwork etc... so weird.

so yeah, life is good... maybe a girl will kiss me in newcastle, that'd be fun!!! haha

so i manicured my beard today after i got a haircut and i am somewhat unsure about it?  it's pretty different.  because there's not much of it actually left!!! haha



thoughts?


off to record guitars now, fucking siked.  AHHHH!!!

so today i cleaned my room, that shit was a fucking shipwreck... i'm really really proud of my efforts.  got rid off unessacary clutter and/or memories.  i feel like i was on an episode of oprah where that random australia "clutter dude" goes and "unclutters" peoples homes.  and i'll tell you what.... it's fucking worked for me.

so observe my efforts?  i'm pretty proud.  pissed off my old PC + desk, ripped apart my stereo and kept only the amp, eq and turntable and put it on this lil table.

AND BLEW UP MY PENGUIN!!!

i got it from a friend on my 21st... and never blew it up.  so now i have.  i'm buying a set of coloured sharpies for people to doodle on it with.


doodle my penguin?

this is the first post for a little while... so i'll give you the lowdown i guess.... in the last 2 weeks i have:

-lost my job as an apprentice barber
-looking franticly for employment
-got beaten up at a show
-been trying to deal with the failings of a broken heart
-writing the most honest lyrics possible, about some pretty intense shit
-saw have heart twice, and met sweet pete from in my eyes (greatest nights of my life)
-started recording my bands album (holy shit!)
-over analysed vocal patterns and lyrics on our pre-production
-been so broke i need to pick and choose when i should leave the house as to get as many things donei n the one day as i can
-missed out on a lot of amazing set from alot of really pretty ladies! haha
-WATCHED THE CELTICS BEAT THE FUCKING LAKERS!!!!
-played my first round of golf in 4 years, and actually played well for being out of the game that long

so fast forward ot this morning and i feel like balls.  i don't think i've ever had a hang over before... but i really do think that i would say i have one today.  i don't even drink.... but i just feel so sickly and like balls.  went n saw my mates play last night and had a fucking blast!! 

i even got a girl's numberino!!! (i know, right?)

everyone should listen to my friends, THE GIFTHORSE... because they are amazing.




feeeeeeel like hellllll!!!  someone gimme $18 to go get a haircut?

i'm seeing my favourite band, HAVE HEART tonight... and aparently the singer of my all time favourite band, Sweet Pete from IN MY EYES is doing their merch.


talk about the holy grail.

okay, so... last song for the Values Here EP is finally finished. I wasn't able to write this before pre-production so unfortunately I haven't been able to give this a shot through a mic. but it'll be okay.


In short, this song is about depression. It's a real problem in modern day society. The fight for inner peace is one we find ourselves in more than once or twice in our lives. For some this struggle is a gloves off, bare knuckle fight for their lives. And if you fall into that catagory... know I'm with you, this song's with you. and you'll get there someday. Just swing harder.


stu/vh

“Ringing ears (This bell takes its toll)”

It’s ringing, it’s ringing loud
It’s drowning, it’s drowning you out
I’m fading, I’m fading away
I’m trying to live for another day

I can feel my demons creeping up on me
Taking control from the inside out
All I know is how lost I feel in this fucking place
Again the bell tolls

Twenty-three years of this fucking fight
When is it time to make it right?
I’ve been spilling my guts, for all to see
But no one’s coming to rescue me
I know it’s all come down to me
To find my inner sanctuary
But I can’t find peace
In all the noise
It’s killing me
It’s haunting me
But I’ll push on
Through what’s going on
Honest words
Help me carry on
No more giving up
I have to be strong

I won’t go on living blindly
Missing opportunities
To change my life
To make things right
Because I’m too scared
To look myself
In the eyes
And understand
It’s killing me
It’s haunting me
But I’ll push on
Through what’s going on
Honest words
Help me carry on
No more giving up
I have to be strong

This won’t be the end of me
Fight with diligence and intensity
I will make
My own destiny

some random shit cunt king hit me tonight @ a show



my mate threw a glass @ his bitch self then they all chased him out of the club.   drunk people SUCK!!

she said she's in love with him.


just call me a sucker.

okay so this afternoon i'm fucking confused man.  i tried to discuss things with my best friend/ex girlfriend this morning and she just doesn't fucking get things.  on saturday i got fired from my job and i called her in hysterics.  she told me to come over and see her so she knew i was okay.  she talked me down from crazyness and comforted me.  but at the same time was kissing my face, cuddling me and holding my hands.  something she hasn't done in a long time.  so me, being me, thinks that she's sending me some message and gets confused as a result.

see, my ex has this ideai n her head that she can tell me it's "inappropriate" that i tell her i miss her/love her @ the end of messages and all this other shit.  but she can get all lovely with me and make me feel amazing, kissing me all overs n shit. i mean, fuck... if that's not hypocrisy, i'm the fucking pope.

this isn't even what bothers me... what bothers me is that she KNOWS i still want to be with her, and she KNOWS i'm all fucked up over this.  but the second i say 'i'm really not coping with this, you confused me saturday' she gets all self-fucking-righteous on me and tells me it's all in my head, it's my fault i'm confused, how dare i question her morals when i say 'i doubt you would tell your boyfriend you were cuddling me and kissing me all over my face etc etc'.

my theory?  she's still in love with me but is too fucking proud to admit it because she has something that works at the moment (good career, a boy that drinks/is social, has a company car, own house, all that meaningless BULLSHIT!!), and i would be a gamble because i fucked up by being in a bad frame of mind and breakign things off.

seriously, what the fuck?

advice?

lost my job today.... i'm fucking gutted.


one thing after another lately, so over it.  but i can't let it stop me.