okay so this afternoon i'm fucking confused man.  i tried to discuss things with my best friend/ex girlfriend this morning and she just doesn't fucking get things.  on saturday i got fired from my job and i called her in hysterics.  she told me to come over and see her so she knew i was okay.  she talked me down from crazyness and comforted me.  but at the same time was kissing my face, cuddling me and holding my hands.  something she hasn't done in a long time.  so me, being me, thinks that she's sending me some message and gets confused as a result.

see, my ex has this ideai n her head that she can tell me it's "inappropriate" that i tell her i miss her/love her @ the end of messages and all this other shit.  but she can get all lovely with me and make me feel amazing, kissing me all overs n shit. i mean, fuck... if that's not hypocrisy, i'm the fucking pope.

this isn't even what bothers me... what bothers me is that she KNOWS i still want to be with her, and she KNOWS i'm all fucked up over this.  but the second i say 'i'm really not coping with this, you confused me saturday' she gets all self-fucking-righteous on me and tells me it's all in my head, it's my fault i'm confused, how dare i question her morals when i say 'i doubt you would tell your boyfriend you were cuddling me and kissing me all over my face etc etc'.

my theory?  she's still in love with me but is too fucking proud to admit it because she has something that works at the moment (good career, a boy that drinks/is social, has a company car, own house, all that meaningless BULLSHIT!!), and i would be a gamble because i fucked up by being in a bad frame of mind and breakign things off.

seriously, what the fuck?

advice?