i am not paying sufficient attention to the things i should be paying attention to. and these aren't the things you would expect.
i can't remember my dreams. they pass by and float away. i think it comes from forcing myself to not pay attention.... after my mom's death i had horrible nightmares. everytime i closed my eyes - even when i blinked - all i could see was her lifeless body in the hospital bed. and the dreams were worse. and to keep myself sane, of course, i have to block out my feelings on the whole subject almost entirely.
i believe i was born the wrong species... perhaps the wrong world or the wrong universe. i.do.not.fit.here. it goes beyond mere time placement.
we waste far too much time on this thing we so very optimistically call "living." perhaps this is really just hell, and we were alive on a much better world. or maybe it's my own personal hell. i was Bad in my Last Life and this is where they sent me. i'm a fallen angel or elf or faerie or something wonderful, confined to this horrid mortal realm.
is it insane to think these things? i hope so.

~soma~

ps: i know i'm bad at getting back to people, i promise i will soon