naaarf's journals

I need to get the fuck out of this apartment. Wait, wasn't that what my last entry here was about? Guess this is my spot for anonymous venting.

Finished my taxes. I somehow owe an insane huge amount of money, talkin' four digits here fed and state combined.
The girl I had my eye on? Turns out she has a guy. If you knew me, you'd know the last two sentences are the condensed story of my life. Yet somehow every time I think it might be different. Poor dumb asshole...
I spent half of January and ALL of February into the first week of March SICK as a DOG.
I spent all afternoon doing my cleaning and my taxes, only to get bitched at while doing my dishes (which, apparently, I'm the only person here who can be bothered to do) about the kitchen, which was my job LAST MONTH. I can't stand all the bullshit in this place, I've decided I can't live with roommates any more. I'm going to need to find my own place, but suddenly all my spare cash is going to my taxes. What the WTF!?!?
I'm angry all the time, and I realize that I'm angry all the time, and I try to slow down and breathe and chill out, but I still can't help being angry all the time, especially at work, where I can't seem to stop being bitchy with customers, after which I feel like an asshole and wonder how long before I get fired.
Any recommendations on painless suicide methods? If not, I'll just go back to drinking myself to death.

FUCK 2008!

Let me be the first to say bring on '09. Maybe I can just drink myself into a nine-month long coma

Christmas was friggin' awesome. There's nothing in the world quite like the look on a 2.5-yo boy's face when he opens a box and finds his new favorite thing in the world inside. Being an uncle rules. And I've stopped leaving the house except to go to work, because I'm reading all the books I got. I'm reading three books at once right now. Antisocial book nerd!

The bad news is that I'll be working on New Year's Eve... which is kinda good news too, as it takes the pressure off me figuring out where the hell I'll be and what the hell I'll be doing. I'll be at work! This is good because Christmas is for family and New Year's is for friends, and I have no friends 'cause I'm antisocial book nerd.

The best news is that I tracked down an avi of Stoya's first hardcore scene. I could seriously only watch the first three minutes 'cause I thought my head would asplode. Splodey! Splodo! Kerblooie! Wayyyyy too much hotness. I'll watch the rest tomorrow or something, once I've cooled down... next week maybe.

My housemates are passive aggressive twits. I forget to turn my alarm clock off sometimes, which I admit is careless and I realize is irritating, but taking the battery out of the alarm clock is beyond even remotely acceptable.

Priority #1: Survive the holidays

Priority #2: Finish my fucking grad school applications

Priority #3: Find a new fucking place to live

I was reading the "goodies" thread and it got me thinking. There was a time when I'd post cock shots on the internet. That time has passed. I even deleted all my self-taken cock shots off my hard drive. These days I'm strictly a "post a picture of a stoner chipmunk on the alt-porn website so nobody knows who I am" kinda guy.

That said, if any ladies are interested in seeing pictures of me -- clothed, unclothed or drenched in some form of food topping -- drop me a line and I'll see what I can do.

Love is a clusterfuck. Insomnia, loss of appetite, trouble focusing... it's worse than the flu. Some day some benevolent genius will come up with a cure, a pill or vaccine, and I'll be first in line (to take the cure, then to give said genius fantastic head). Until then:

11 signs you're crazy for someone

Eleven: You walk really slow when you're with them.

Ten: You feel shy whenever they're around.

Nine: You smile when you hear their voice.

Eight: When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.

Six: They're all you think about.

Five: You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.

Four: You would do anything for them, just to see them.

Three: While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

Two: You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number seven was missing.

One: You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.


Now make a wish. You know you want to....

Post this as 11 signs you're crazy for someone, and something good will happen to you tonight. If you don't you'll certainly regret not doing so....

What shall it be?

Had me some sex tonight. Last time was in October. Yeah, so almost 8 months.

Said sex went on for about 4.5 hours. GodDAMN I needed that!

I just chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. I actually just chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. Minorly, yes... but STILL.

I JUST FUCKING CHIPPED MY TOOTH ON A BEER BOTTLE!

Does that make me incredibly lame, or cool in some twisted dude-i-just-chipped-my-tooth-on-a-beer-bottle way?

In college I'd sometimes introduce myself to groups: "Hi my name is [actual name here] but for whatever reason some people call me Thurston." It was never funny, and even I don't know why I said it.

Anyway, the Thurston Moore solo album was one of those things I just never picked up because I assumed I'd get the chance whenever if I felt like it later. I wasn't familiar with the whole releases going out of print bidnizz at that point. But I'm enjoying the reissue, and if I'd gotten it back in the day I wouldn't have now on double vinyl with a whole side of bonus tracks! Win.

Lines stuck in my head all day:

"Will you kill your boyfriend for me, sister dear?"

"You're not the only girl in town.
But you're the only girl who's got me down"

Guess I should post something here... why not?

Been reading... SELF HELP BOOKS!

I have a non-generalized social anxiety disorder. I'm doing some CBT, some GET, maybe someday I won't be paranoid that my friends secretly hate me and strangers wish I'd go somewhere else... EVEN IF IT'S TRUE!

Oh shit, I need to get to work.