kellymarie's journals

In my agricultural science lab today, I palpated a cow.  I got elbow deep in cow butt to feel it's reproductive organs.  Hahahaha.

It was optional, but I feel like this is not a regular opportunity.  My school is strange.  I have learned how to wrangle sheep and palpate cows in this class. 

I also played with a 3 day old calf named Holly.  She was the cutest thing ever.  She kept trying to nurse on my fingers.  I wanted to kidnap her and keep her in my townhouse.

My townhouse has rats.  This is unacceptable.

So we called school to perhaps get an exterminator sent in or whatever, and they came with these little sticky traps that don't do shit.  My roommate and I are the only 2 people, of 6, who want the fuckers dead.  I don't need the plague, I really don't.

We have already caught one, which we promptly removed, but there is never just one rat living in your house.  This is disgusting.  Bleh.

So I just talked to Caitlin, and about halfway through my apology she stopped me. 

She let me know that yes, she was acting distant and mean to me, but she wasn't that mad, she was just taking it out on me.  Right after I talked to her Monday she found out her grandmother has Alzheimer's and her older brother relapsed into his coke habit.

We just talked for like an hour and laughed about everything.  She is fine.  She just said mostly it was weird, but not that upsetting.  She reassured me that really Brad is just kind of an asshole, and she wouldn't even care if I chose to continue whatever I'm doing with him if I truly like him, just that he is an asshole and she would prefer to see me without some shitty guy.  She talked about how she has absolutely no claim on him, and that she can't really say much for fooling around with Brad while trying to date Micheal.

Crisis averted.  We are all good, and awkwardness will not happen tonight when everyone is over.

I can no longer access my latest journal entry because I posted the C-word in a comment.  This is what it means to go to a private christian college.

Drama drama drama.

So after Erin caught Brad and I fooling around, I knew I had to tell Caitlin (who had been fooling around with Brad at one point).  If one roommate knows, they all fucking know.  I shall play this out.

Me: So, I know you're not fooling around with Brad anymore, but you are my best friend and I know I need to tell you this...I have hooked up with Brad a couple of times.  Blah blah blah.  How do you feel about this?
Caitlin: I'm not mad at you, I am mad at Brad.  He is a sleazeball and a whore.
Me: I knew this about him.  (While she was fooling around with him, he was trying to get with Heather, another one of the group).
Caitlin: It's just weird, because...he's been in my mouth.  (Yeah, she actually said that.)
Me: Yeah well, it's kind of like I made out with you through Brad.
Caitlin and then me: BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Me: Well, I want to be honest with you.  I am not going to promise that it won't happen again, because it very well might, and I don't want to have lied to you.
Caitlin: Okay.  It's weird, but I'm okay.  I'm not mad at you, and I'm glad you came and told me.

OKAY so that was that.  Since then (yesterday afternoon), she has spoken maybe 3 words to me, which is ridiculous, because she fucking lives with me.  AND SHE HAS HUNG OUT WITH BRAD TWICE.  Okay, what the fuck?  And she hasn't even confronted him about it or let him know she knows. 

The thing that sucks here is that when she was trying to date Micheal while also hooking up regularly with Brad (Micheal's best friend) all of us were waiting, WAITING for this shit to blow up in her face.  But instead of it blowing up in her face, her situation with Brad has blown up in MY face.  Unacceptable.

Yes, I realize that as her friend I should not have fooled around with Brad.  Although he initiated, I probably should have been like "Hey, you.  Stop."  But seriously, this is fucked.  FUCKED.  I'm tired of this already and it has been not even 2 days.  I guess the fucked up part on my end is that I actually would love to continue fooling around with Brad.  :-/  Oops.  But now I can't even talk to him without her getting pissed.  And she will go on being pissed at me, but still hang out with Brad. 

Fuck girls.  I hate them right now.

That didn't take long at all to blow up in my face.  Unfortunate.

I think this is probably going to blow up in my face.

Last night I got the ball rolling on ending my 2 year, 3 month dry spell.  That is an obscenely long time.

The problem is, the guy is someone I really shouldn't be fooling around with.  He fooled around with my best friend Caitlin at one point, while trying to ask out another one of my friends.  I wish I cared.  My biggest concern was making my room not smell like sex, which it did, even though we did not fuck.  Thankfully, my roommate hasn't said anything.  Thankfully, I don't have hickeys all over me.  I must have ridiculous skin in terms of bruise prevention.  It does look like I'm wearing plumper on my lips though.  Intense.

I was so torn between wanting to jump on him and stay away because of friend drama.  He laughed at me a few times, because I couldn't make a decision about what I wanted to do.  Ha.

Caitlin is such a vag-block right now, it's not even funny.

Hopefully this is the end of me not getting any for ages.

I really really need to study, but I can't get in the appropriate mindset.  I have two tests tomorrow, one that I am prepared for, one that I am not.  I'm not really worried about the one i'm not prepared for, because all I did was look at the bolded words in the textbook for the last test, and I got a 93.

I can't stop facebooking and watching horror movies.  I love Halloween season because I can watch scary movies to my hearts content.  I'm trying to desensitize my roommates to gore.  It's going well.  AMC has been pissing me off because it cuts out all the gore and cuss words.  Aggravating.

I'm gonna go pretend to study/watch a scary movie/facebook.

I have had the same, "so why did we never hook up in high school?" conversation over and over again.  Perhaps I missed the boat and should have been finding more people in highschool instead of continuing to look now.

Currently it is my old best friend Charlotte.  She just came out of the closet.  I haven't really spoken to her in 3 years.  She just confided in me that the night that we watched porn together and she spent the night, she spent the entire time lying in bed next to me, trying to convince herself that I wouldn't freak out if she made a move.  Girls need to stop being pussies. 

Although, yes, I like cock, I also really love pussy.  But girls always assume I am straight.  Is it really so hard to read?  Bah.