goldenone's journals

on saturday night i had another awesome night with my friends! leslie, who's been living in queensland for at least two years came down to visit for the first time in aaaages so it was drinking and party time.

my ex-friend is still acting boring and grumpy because she's not drinking. it's kind of become a running joke though. no one knows why she's not drinking but they all wish she would because she's such a downer to be around at the moment. like, on saturday night she helped get everything ready for the barbeque, and she was like THROWING the napkins onto the table and SLAMMING the door every time she came in or out. and you should have seen her when someone spilt their drink. whoa. latent rage.

anyway, even with her being the hostess with the mostess rage we still had a wicked night!




poor bryce, i don't know why he was trying to get any sense out of these two


ebony = dj rolex. she is so hot


oh dear, i do love my druknen hugs...


my shoes are cooler than yours


i bought this beanie as a souvenir last time i went to broome, western australia. do you know how much it cost me to having to stand in the shop and point at it and go "uh.... that one please"


triple girl love


my camera does have arty photo functions after all!

I had the best time on Friday night.  Me and a bunch of grrrls went out to Vodka Bar where they had somehow arranged two litres of vodka for free with a bunch of mixers in the VIP area.  It was the BEST night I've had in a long time.  Photos:

my ex-friend the whore is being really juvenile.  she is trying to start a facebook status war with me.  meaning, every time i update my status, she does a retaliatory update.

on tuesday i changed my status to "prue's conscience is clear" which actually had nothing to do with her trying to sleep with my boyfriend, it was actually in relation to some lost docs at work. 5 minutes later, she changes hers to "kelly thinks some people aren't as innocent as they may think". i'm like, whatever dude and ignored it.

then last night she changed it to "kelly thinks what's good for the geese is good for the gander". once again i'm like capital W whatever and paid no attention. this morning i went to the servo and got chocolate and coke and stuff so i changed mine to "prue has two cherry ripes and a can of coke and and a box of tea bags and a fresh packet of cigarettes. does life get any better than that?".  like, 3 seconds later she quickly changes her status to "kelly can't wait for friday. mmmm spa" because she and her fiance kym are celebrating their anniversary in a plush hotel room with a spa. wow, lucky kym. he must be REALLY feeling like celebrating being with her right now.

anyway i'm loving reading her status updates and i'm totally getting involved, and i'd love to get into a war with her but i'm not going to give her the satisfaction of letting her know i'm paying any attention.  although i have come up with some awesome updates which i'd really like to use:

"Prue wasn't the one telling Kym he can stick it anywhere" (apparently that was one of the delightful things she said to MY BOYFRIEND when she was trying to get him to fuck her)
"Prue thinks Kelly should shut the fuck up"
"Prue wishes Kelly and Kym all the best on their anniversary"
"Prue offers Kelly her condolences that Ryan didn't want to stick it anywhere in Kelly at all"
"Prue thinks Kelly and Kym should go on Temptation Island and see what happens"

see, this is my juvenile outlet. at least i'm not splashing it all over facebook

On Saturday night we went to Kelly and Kym's (our best friends who are engaged) house. Ryan went to bed in Kelly and Kym's bed in the early hours of the morning while the rest of us stayed up drinking. Kelly went in there at some point as well. I had a weird feeling about the two of them the whole night and couldn't stop myself from going in there every now and then to check on them.  I kept expecting to walk in and find them kissing.  I kept telling myself to relax and stop worrying but I just had this bad feeling. Well anyway late Ryan left their house yesterday afternoon and Kelly and Kym said they would run me home. Later on Kelly asked me to come into the bedroom and as soon as we sat down I knew what she was going to tell me. She had kissed Ryan and tried to have sex with him - and when he pushed her away and said it wasn't right she told him that she had told me and I'd said it was fine, which was a total lie. It also means that if Ryan had wanted to have sex with her too, they probably would have done it. What had actually happened is that she came out of the bedroom at one point and I said "Dude, have you and Ryan been kissing?" because it was one of those things where I just KNEW. She said yeah she had tried to kiss him but he'd pushed her away so they'd only kissed for a second. I said "I consider that to be cheating" and she's like "Oh yeah I agree, I'm so sorry dude" and I thought that was the end of it.

Anyway so after Ryan had left she tried to sit me down on the bed and talk to me about it, but I just said "Tell me exactly what happened" and she said they had kissed for a couple of minutes before he pushed her away. I just knew there was more to it than that - for one thing, a couple of the times I went into the bedroom to "check" on them, I had stood in the doorway for a few minutes without them knowing I was there and there was definitely stuff going on under the doona (sounds like something out of Big Brother!!). So I said to her "Are you SURE that's all that happened?" and she said yes yes they just kissed. Well once she said that I knew she was going to lie to me about it so I left and started walking home. As I was walking home she called me and left a message saying could I please call her back so she could explain. As far as I'm concerned, I had the relevant information and anything else she wanted to say would be excuses and justifications. Then I thought I should let her say as much as possible so I called her back but her phone was engaged. I knew that she was on the phone to Ryan probably making sure they had their story straight. It turns out I was right about that too.

So anyway I called Ryan and told him what she'd said. He raced home and we spent the whole of last night talking. It appears that he was sleeping in the bed and she crawled in next to him and just started doing whatever she could to have sex with him. He said he woke up to find her with her hand in his pants, jerking him off. He says he stopped her right away but then she kissed him and he did kiss her back - so he's not 100% innocent either. He told me she was extremely forceful and he had to lift her bodily off him to make her stop because she was on a mission. He said he was half-asleep and fuzzy about what was going on. I find that hard to believe because personally, if I was in bed with Kym and woke up to find him with his hand in my knickers, it wouldn't matter how sleepy I was, I wouldn't stay in the bed - I would wake up instantly and jump out and tell him to piss off.

The whole time Ryan and I have been together I've had this feeling about the two of them - I watch them like a hawk whenever they're together and I can't shake the feeling that they have the hots for each other. I tried to shut myself up and stop myself from being paranoid because there's nothing to worry about but I've never succeeded in shaking this feeling. For the past few weeks whenever I've seen them together talking or whatever I keep expecting to turn around and see them kissing. It's just got worse and worse until this weekend when I was convinced that they were doing something and oh, turns out they were. So my intuition was probably right this whole time which is why someone like me who doesn't get jealous, was suddenly mad with jealousy seeing Ryan and Kelly even have a conversation.

My problem now is I don't know what to do. My friendship with Kelly is obviously over. The fact that my best friend would do that to me - and lie to Ryan about me being cool so she could trick him into having sex - and then after that lie to me and try to get Ryan to lie to me, well, she's obviously not the person I had thought. I just don't know if Ryan and I can still be together. I won't want to go anywhere that she's going to be there. I certainly won't want Ryan to go anywhere she's going to be. I have no trust left for her, and not a lot left for him. I don't ever want to be in the same room with the two of them again. If we go to a party I'll watch them hug or have a talk and it will be horrible. And god forbid they end up alone in a room together, however innocent it is. I don't want to be in that position. Ryan says he hates her but the thing I keep thinking is, how friendly he was able to be with her after this happened. Once again, if it was me and Kym, I would get seriously angry with Kym for putting me in that position, and I would tell Ryan we're leaving straight away and tell him what happened. I wouldn't sit there for the next six hours making jolly conversation and pretending nothing was wrong.

Ugh!! I just don't know. I feel like I could get better about my feelings towards Ryan if there was no Kelly around, but that's impossible and every time she turns up somewhere, it's all going to rush back into my mind. It's the second time the two of them have betrayed me and I wish that I hadn't tried to shut up that little voice which was yelling that something was wrong and to pay attention. I just thought I was being silly. As if your best friend and your boyfriend would do something like that.

I just had to puke it all out of my head because I've been thinking about it non-stop since Kelly tried to sit me down on the bed.

i've decided i'm going to be one of those awesomely cool chicks who knows stuff about cars.  this is my sweet new personal re-invention.  i go through one of these every few months. i'm always so impressed with people who are who they are and they don't have this chameleon compulsion to re-invent themselves as something cooler.

if i watch a few hours of sex and the city, i want to wear awesome directional clothes and move back into the CBD. i also want to redecorate my house.

then if i watch the simple life i suddenly decide miniskirts, a tan and bright colours are the way to go, and i'm going to be a cool girly girl with pink nails and cute make up. i usually end up pausing the DVD halfway through a show to pluck my eyebrows and put on mascara.

i think my standard persona is the kind of tomboy trackies and trainers look i revert to in between costume changes. it's kind of like goldenone 1.0 or goldenone first edition. so this is why i'm going to be become a cool chick what knows shit about cars, cos it fits in with my normal self. my boyfriend is OBSESSED with cars and therefore it would be so pukey/cute if we worked on them together. i told him i want a crappy old banger to learn on and a set of pink tools.  those were my only requirements.  maybe i'll get an old rx2 or 3. or i don't know, an escort or something. something he can teach me the basics on, and then i can roll up to cruises and talk about newton metres of torque and turbo lag and harmonic balancers  and locked diffs and stuff.  see, right now i know the words but i'm not heaps confident of what they mean.  but soon that will change and people will be like "whoa. that chick knows cars, man."

the other thing is i want to do a machinist/engineering apprenticeship. the thing that makes me so mad is i went to a private school and in years 11 and 12 we did ENDLESS bloody aptitude testing. my "spatial" and "analytical" reasoning skills were off the scale - which would point to me being good at a mechanical or engineering type job.  but did they tell me that?  goodness no! this was one of the top schools in the country! they don't produce TRADESPEOPLE.  how frightfully common dahling. so i failed at one thing after another. and then recently i found out about mechanical engineering and i'm like "damn! i would be so good at that!" but now i'm 27 and who wants to start an apprenticeship at 27?? not me.  the annoying thing is, if i had gone into it straight out of school, i could be earning a packet right now.

stupid snobby private school.  who knew that going to a top school would limit your potential?! bastards. that shit cost my parents like $50k a year. well, maybe it wasn't that much. but still what a rip off.

okay last thing before i go - everyone says that the phrase "heaps good" is a total south australian thing and no one else says it in the world.  is that true? doesn't anyone else say that?

Is quando quando quando by engelbert humperdinck the best song in the world?  I think it is.

What does quando even mean?  I don't know.

every moment's a daaaaaay/ every day means a lifetime/ let me show you the waaaaaay/ to a joy beyong compaaa [key change] aaaaaare

There is no sleazier cheesier song that is more fun to sing along to.  Next time I do karaoke, it's quando quando quando for me.  I bet they won't have it.

oh tell me quando quando quaaaaandooooo

everyone says i must be sick in the head. look at what i did to this doll i bought for 50c... i think she's just BEAUTIFUL


I glued one of her arms to her cheek, then I burnt a hole in her head and stuck her other arm in it.  what's not to love?


the other dolls are horrified though...


nice dolly

i used to have an awesome barbie called fang. I coloured her hair in black with a texta and gave her lots of cool piercings. i also gave her LOTS of tattoos.  She would have made a good godsgirls model but she didn't have any genitals

omg omg!  you guys!  i got 91% for my exam, and...

40 OUT OF 40 FOR MY BIG ASSIGNMENT!!

yesssssssssssssssssssssssss

my best friend, who i love, has pretty much just confirmed that she would date me if we were both single. i'm getting tingles every time i think about it.

she is engaged and i am in a reasonably long term relationship... and not only that - our boyfriends are best mates. she and i have known each other since we were 13. we became best friends at 17 and spent the next 2-3 years discovering drugs, raves and general wildness together. then she got into a long (7 year) relationship with a guy who hated me and we only saw each other once every six months - if that.  but once they broke up, it was like we hadn't been a day apart.

she told me a couple of years ago that, if i had shown interest, she would have got into a "proper" relationship with me before she met that guy. but i never knew - and even when she told me that years later i was like "wow..."

since she's been with her fiance she and i have been able to explore the sexual side of our relationship and kiss and take things way further than i ever though we would.  it's been ... god... amazing. really amazing. i love that girl.

and we could be together. we have often talked (yes, ususally when pissed off with the boys) about how being in a relationship with each other would rule. we could bring a guy in when we want, ahem, dick. we already know that we get along amazingly.

how... what.. i mean... my brain is seriously in a spin. OH MY GOD!!  this is awesome and agonising at the same time!!

finished my exam!!  and i'm pretty sure i passed - maybe even did quite well!

yessssss yay for me

stress is so not worth it though. it doesn't make you do any better. i will obviously forget this bit of wisdom before my next exam though, and will end up stressing just as hard