citizin's journals

damn it's been a while.
i don't have the internet or cable at my house due to an effort to remove my roommate, so I rarely get my gg fix.
my employer offered us peons a buyout (here's some money, now please leave), which i took to go back to school.
I'm following my dreams this time around...

I'm seeing a wonderful woman, although external forces conspire against me. She's a total babe, caring, understanding, smart as fuck, stubborn like me. Perfect. I love her and she loves me....

I feel like I'm on top of the world!

so i've been a lurker lately. not really doing much on any site - no blogs, uploads and such. Haven't really been in the mood to share anything. bah

I've been working hard on getting an album together and perhaps a band. I'm a obsessive stickler when it comes to collabs. I don't get along with peeps.

met a new girl. more my age and style. and we haven't had sex yet. its quite nice. we've just been putting it off.

gotta work the door tonight for some cool bands. gotta eat soon too.
more later. i think

ever wish you could just disappear?
I really do.
Las Vegas or somewhere I can start over.
I'm going to sell my house within the year, quit my 60000+ job and pull up my stakes.
It disturbs my ex-girlfriend that I want this, but why would she care anyways?
She led me into a relationship only to say that wasn't what she wanted.
bah humbug

So after a week of healing, I thought I'd share with you now....

I hadn't seen or talked to her for two weeks after the pregnancy scare and her telling me "i don't want anything from you".
She texted me this week, telling me where I went wrong and that she wants it to be the way it was when it was just a booty call, her "perfect down day friend", but it may be too late she says.
Honestly I don't care.

Sexually she's opened me up to new things. She boosts me up with her words and her caring. It's the first  relationship of any kind since my divorce in 05. She doesn't work at the bar anymore, where we met, where I drank, where our real problems began. I think that is what brought it all on. She found a new job.

I care
I don't care
I can never really say the right thing to her.
heaven may flow from the fingers
but hell spews from the mouth

Got new tattoos. yay!
Saw the ex-wife. boo!
Gina played girlfriend. yay!
But lost my nerve. boo!
Still had a good night. The yays have it!

Well in less than two hours I get to go see what the artist at Icon has for me and see if it'll work.
I'm getting "Bless the slack" on one wrist, "Curse the drop" on the other, and "We all hang in the end" across my chest, curving along my collarbone. I'm excited! Then tomorrow - we ink. Pics will follow

I love target. cheap clothing is good.

didn't get the new job. I was close, but the reason why I was not picked is incredibly lame. But two years on the job meant I would have to start working out just to keep my current weight. I've got a little extra baggage, but it doesn't really show. The only reason I stay the same weight is that I'm a poor eater, but have a physically demanding job, so it balances out. so yay!

my friend Gina is coming into town tonight. It's weird. She wants to go to a bar. Where a bartender that I use to fuck works. Her and I still play the game with each other, though I try not too. I had actually made a resolution not to go there the entire month of Feb. And Gina wants to go so we can mess with the bartender's head. Now mind you, I'm done with J, as we'll call her. She had her chance to be with me and fucked it up. Not that I'm some big catch, but I treated her with respect and gave her orgasms when she wanted them. But I'm not a yoyo, you can't want me one week, then not the next, then back again. Truth be told, I've always dug Gina. we always have incredible fun together, she drinks like a sailor, loves to dance with me.

Tonight, we'll play "date" to mess with J, but I have a second mission. I am breaching the friend status with respect and confidence. I have to know if there is something there or not.

On the lighter side of news, I should have my new MacBook within the next week - w00t!

i have no idea what's going on at my work.

They are reorganizing my area and a few others, I'm getting a new boss, I've been interviewed for a new job

Rumors abound - they may take 4 truck models away from us, which leaves a lot of manpower for nothing. I wonder if we'll get anything in return. They may offer buy-outs, which I'd love to happen so i can sell the house and go back to school. I'd love to live in town and ride my bike to the bar or wherever. Have a normal life in the sun instead of the shade. Maybe have a normal relationship with a girl instead of the barflies and bartenders that only fuck with my head and my heart.

All i want to do tonight is not go into work and go play some pool and drink some beer.

I have two friends coming into town in the next two weekends. I'm excited. One of them, Karen, is a just completely gorgeous girl. I honestly think she would be a awesome GG, and although she has no tattoos or piercings, but she's got that attitude, looks and style.

remakes, remakes, sequels, pre-sequels, yadda yadda yadda

They are remaking Hitchcock's "The Birds" - disgusting.
New "Rambo"? God, what else do you have in store for the masses, Hollywood?
FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!!

Where is the originality?
Like, for example, "Pan's Labyrinth"?
That was fucking gold.

Some stories do need to go on, I'll give in on that. But do we really need Freddy Kruger back?

I hope with all the time off the writer's guild, someone gets a bright idea.
And that someone will take a chance.....