citizin

so i've been a lurker lately. not really doing much on any site - no blogs, uploads and such. Haven't really been in the mood to share anything. bah

I've been working hard on getting an album together and perhaps a band. I'm a obsessive stickler when it comes to collabs. I don't get along with peeps.

met a new girl. more my age and style. and we haven't had sex yet. its quite nice. we've just been putting it off.

gotta work the door tonight for some cool bands. gotta eat soon too.
more later. i think

ever wish you could just disappear?
I really do.
Las Vegas or somewhere I can start over.
I'm going to sell my house within the year, quit my 60000+ job and pull up my stakes.
It disturbs my ex-girlfriend that I want this, but why would she care anyways?
She led me into a relationship only to say that wasn't what she wanted.
bah humbug

So after a week of healing, I thought I'd share with you now....

I hadn't seen or talked to her for two weeks after the pregnancy scare and her telling me "i don't want anything from you".
She texted me this week, telling me where I went wrong and that she wants it to be the way it was when it was just a booty call, her "perfect down day friend", but it may be too late she says.
Honestly I don't care.

Sexually she's opened me up to new things. She boosts me up with her words and her caring. It's the first  relationship of any kind since my divorce in 05. She doesn't work at the bar anymore, where we met, where I drank, where our real problems began. I think that is what brought it all on. She found a new job.

I care
I don't care
I can never really say the right thing to her.
heaven may flow from the fingers
but hell spews from the mouth

Got new tattoos. yay!
Saw the ex-wife. boo!
Gina played girlfriend. yay!
But lost my nerve. boo!
Still had a good night. The yays have it!