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christianescapeoptionsabout me
journals
oh shit
posted : 06/09/07 0448 pm pst listening to: last night I took my ex out for dinner and a movie. it starts off by her calling me saying we have to take her mom to pechanga casino. I was fine with the idea. I know her mom never liked me even when we were together. so we start bullshit each other. on the way to the casino we bring up the topic of drinking. I act like a complete asshole, telling her yeah all I do is drink, go out and start fights blah blah blah. that was pretty much it with her. after dropping her off we headed to our favorite mexican restaurant that we always used to go to. I still was acting like a dick to her, smart ass remarks and what not. then we head to barns and noble looking for books to read over the summer. I picked her out two good books Lullaby and invisible monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. then we head to the movies to watch pirates 3. by the way that was my third time seeing it and her first. during the movie all I was thinking about was reacting over and kiss her. after the movie im telling her how ill stop being a dick and start being nice, because we don’t see much of each other anymore. I walk her to her door step and shes having a hard time opening her door. they just changed the locks. I opened it twice both times I acted like I didnt. I wanted her to come over. but I knew she wouldnt do that. so I open it for her. we first give each other a hug. my hearts going crazy cause I want her so bad. I start talking to kill a little more time. then I tried to give her a kiss. she tells me to stop. at that moment I dead for a third time because of her. I dont know what to do. I want her back so bad. but deep down inside I know she doesnt want me anymore. we were together for 2 years. we've been broken up for a 1 year. everyone tells me to leave her alone and forget her. I hate it when this happens.....
APRIL 16th
posted : 04/19/07 0148 pm pst listening to: (Plain White T's) Hey There Delilah April the 16th may not be a date that means much to some.
But for me it brings back so many memories. The love I once had, the love that I miss. I would give anything to have that once again. How I dread this day would come. My attention draws to my phone, a sound I once welcomed, now ruin too. My feelings are unclear to me. My path wines instead of being on going. I catch a message, "happy anniversary!" How I want to bring back the pass. How I want to change for the best. Why am I being tormented with this pain? This date of all dates, the date we chose. My mind and my heart have been going through this never ending battle. How can I draw piece between the two. I see her again to say safe journeys. Her smile brings a warm feeling to my heart. When we get close for an embrace, I catch a waif of her scent. It causes my legs to go weak. She smiles how angels aught to smile. I want to say I love you, but I can't gather enough courage to do it. I can only stay silent finding myself counting your heart beats. I don't want to lose you again. My mind is causes me all this pain, I spot at a simple quote that passes through my thoughts bringing me a piece of happiness. A quote we once wore on our fingers, "REAL LOVE IS FOREVER" I really want to find the meaning to this. Lord, please give me the strength to straighten my path. Please help me to see clear again, and to bring happiness in my life. |
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