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    I am a hopless romantic. i listen to every word my girlfriend says and i remember every little detail, weather it is about a dream she had or she is talking about some thing she wanted when she was young, i remember that kinda stuff, so when christmas comes around or her birthday or when i just feel like seing a smile on her face ill find some sneaky way to slip her a gift. i love showering her with gifts.

    One time i tied her car keys to her dogs collar,  when she got them off she went to her car and inside i had placed a dozen roses and her favorite chocolates all wrapped up in a beautiful leather jacket (she had told me she had a dream about a black leather jacket with pink lining a few months earlier).

     I love suprising her with little vacations, we took a trip to monteray bay, stayed in this beautiful cozy little place, and i took her out to the finest restaurant there.  we went down to l.a. and saw all her friends and i showed her around all the places that i used to hang out when i was a kid.

   All i ever want in life is to make her happy. i gave up going to this school that i had wanted to go to ever since i heard of it, she didnt even ask me no tot go, but the look in her eyes as i told her about the school, i decided not to go, it wasnt even a hard decision.

  This christmas will be the first christmas in four years that i will be alone. completely, utterly,  alone.my girlfriend left me for another. all my friends have some significant other. a few of them even have children. none of them have time for an old friend. i now know what it feels like to be truly lonely.

   i dont know what i did to deserve this. all i ever wanted in my life was someone to put a smile on my face, to hold, to love. i remember when i was in high school one of my teachers asked the class to write a paper on what their dreams were, everyone talked about their career, i was the only one who didnt care about all that, all i talked about was how i wanted a beautiful family, a wife, a son and daughter, a family dog. with each passing day its seems like my dreams are getting less and less attainable