Member : TheUberDork > journals > reading "some other things"
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so today my little horoscope said I should be creative, poetically. not really feeling terribly poetic. mostly just bored. looking for work sucks, and admittedly I haven't been looking too hard (can't I just be a pro gamer? what?) maybe I should try and get out and take some pictures... but I'm not sure of what... if I take pictures of "everything" I'll end up with mostly crap and a full hard drive. maybe I can tinker around on photoshop, but then having some pictures to work with would be a plus right? hmm.
the problem is I'll probably fall asleep in about a half hour and not wake up until 2pm. ugh. my sleeping pattern is totally screwed up (thanks WOW).
I should be looking into UAT and finding out about spring semester, my "well off" uncle has offered to help me with school. I just find it hard to work a shitty boring job AND go to school at the same time to be rather difficult. not to mention the UAT campus is in Arizona.
Maybe I should pick up my Bass and tinker around on that... I probably need to change the strings... I could be at least playing it every day... maybe actually get better and learn my scales better. but I can't help it... I've always been interested in DRUMS but could never afford a drum set/kit. and even if I could; the neighbors would not approve. plus it's one thing to tap out rhythms on your thighs or whatever surface is available and entirely another to actually coordinate arms and legs (feet) on a kit. but then if I practiced enough and maybe got some books or a teacher .... well again that all takes money. and "money don't grow on trees y'know." bleh. like $10.50 an hour was going to get me any closer to any of my dreams anyways. I do have to go deposit my unemployment check, and pay the rent ::sad panda::
I over heard someone say "most kids between the ages of 18 and 35 are unemployed, 53%" I don't know if I'd say 35 is a kid but .. well I guess coming from the old farts that were talking... but even still most? 53% ? not really most... a little more than half maybe... which is still a bad sign of the economy. anyhow statistics aren't helping. my last resort is to go to a temp agency. but I'd really rather not. yes that is how I got my last job but I was stuck as a temp for about 5 months. the company I was temping for was actually paying to keep me more then than when they actually hired me. (a percentage of what I make goes straight to the temp agency before I even see it... so figure they were paying around $12-$15 to the temp agency, and the agency was paying me around $9 an hour). then I got hired and they offered to give me like $11 an hour to stay in the shipping warehouse... but an easy street, sit on your ass all day job opened up inside the actual purchasing office (and I'd get to be using photoshop) for $10 an hour. yea no brainer there. in the 3 years I was actually an employee I got one raise to $10.50. way underpaid compared to all of my co-workers but I was at least working with things I liked and it didn't really involve much manual labor. Plus I got my own cubicle and my co-workers were all generally cool people. and the office betty was always a plus to be around. even just a vision of loveliness each day helped keep me goin'.
of course she wasn't single... but at least I could day dream.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. specifically my own. and well so far they've sucked. mostly a very 1 sided romance/love on my part. except 1... and that was... well not so good. she was way more into me than I was her. she was a great person, and it ended mostly well... she was just not for me. it's like I have this vision in my head of what my ideal "lover" should look like, be like... how we would be... goofs of course... but it's like I look at other relationships around me. and the ones that seem the best are where both partners play off of each other. and they can laugh at each other and themselves. I want that. but I'll admit, I'm afraid I'll never find it.
so here are the things I've learned from my relationships:
- There has to be a balance. a balance of give and take, a balance of feelings towards each other. when one person clearly has stronger feelings for the other it's unbalanced and will most likely end with the person having more feelings invested into it getting hurt.
- Looks aren't everything; but they seem to be more important than most people will ever honestly let on. [see chemistry]
- Chemistry: very important. One of the most important things, but this may have a lot more to do with physical attraction than how good a kisser you are (or aren't). Chemistry also has nothing to do with how freaky in the sack you are; but being freaky in the sack doesn't hurt either. Unless you like eating shit or drinking piss, then you're just kind of gross and you're going to have a hard fucking time finding someone with that same kink. I hear that's real popular in Japan...
- Similar interests. so you have SOMETHING to talk about: even laughing at noobs can be acceptable, just make sure there's more than one thing. Otherwise one person in the relationship might get bored with the other person in the relationship. And you'll find yourself on the fast track out of said relationship
- Dissimilar interests. so you have exposure to outside thinking and get other perspectives on things. Nothing makes a person more wise than being able to experience outside views and apply them to their own life and decisions. This is an important fact of life not just relationships. respect other's views and their right to have them. you don't have to agree, you just have to accept that not everyone thinks the same as you.
- Family can totally be a deal breaker (yea one girl met my family around christmas, we came back to my place... were about to get busy then she decided she wanted to leave... I haven't spoken to that girl since. and she stole my first copy of Fight Club. admittedly I did a lot of things wrong, the first of which was letting the fact that someone I was actually attracted to "in" too fast.)
- Take your time. there's no sense rushing into anything. Anything worthwhile is worth waiting for. standard cliché, I know. There is truth there though. there's probably around a 100 that could be used to say the same thing; "the candle that burns the brightest burns the shortest/fastest" etc.
- Sex can be good; and bad. Sex is not making love. no. it's not. accept it. Making love is something you do with and for someone you love. having sex is just getting your rocks off, and it can be great, but it can also leave you feeling nice and empty. "making love" doesn't necessarily mean sweet soft sex... like I said before it's more something you do with someone you love. Making love can be "having sex". but "having sex" does not necessarily mean making love. Cuddling is a wonderful thing. yea I said it, what? I defy you to prove me wrong.
- Challenges are good, they keep everyone interested. in other words: don't always be easy to get. Half the fun is in the chase. but don't toy with people's hearts: that's just evil, manipulative; and it makes you a horrible person. I said a challenge; not an impossible Math equation with external factors, relative to the moon phase and exacting alignment of the planets and stars.
- Trust and Honesty. that's pretty much a no-brainer. Trust the one you're with and always be honest. if you like someone else be up front about it, why beat around the bush, and cheat... what's the point? you're just going to end up hurting someone you care (or used to care) about. yeah it sucks to find out someone you love no longer loves you quite the same way, but it's generally not the end of the world. I can't emphasize that enough: be up front and honest. and don't say things just to spite or in haste. The repercussions could be catastrophic.
- Change: You can't change anyone. don't expect to. People change, things change, circumstances change, minds change. There are some things in your control, and many more things outside of your control. Do not ever try and change someone, or expect someone to change for you. They might change, but it probably won't be because of you. If you try and make them they will just end up resenting you.
- Friends: can also be a Dealbreaker. They can Also be a hindrance to you and your quest for love. But don't count your friends out. Their opinions matter, otherwise they wouldn't be your friends. It's important that your friends approve of your new "partner" and it would be ideal that everyone gets along (fortunately I have generally awesome friends that are sometimes flakes but are there for me when I really need them and are generally accepting, unfortunately none of my previous girlfriends ever really got close enough to get to know them). When I say close enough, I mean close enough. I count most of my friends to be as close as family; they've been there through most all of "it" and they will be there when "it" falls apart too so trust me when I say winning the friends over is almost as important as winning "Mom and Dad" over. and if a "friend" ditches you for their new found love: don't try to stop them. it will only drive the wedge deeper in and if/when that relationship falls apart (and it probably will) they won't have you to confide in or for support. (wait that's a bad thing?) if your friend ditches you for someone chances are they weren't a great friend and it's better that this happened sooner than later. Also: they were probably using you as a crutch and have blamed you for a lot of things they are unwilling to claim original responsibility for anyways.
Well... that's about all I can think of so far. hopefully someone reads this and gets something from it. Sorry that last one was kind of long. Chalk it up to being a fairly more recent experience.
oh and a side note the music posted on here kind of touches on the topics so yea give a listen!
if you hate it: Sorry. no one put a gun to your head and made you. and now you've maybe heard something new that you haven't heard before and are a more balanced person for it!
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