Member : Seleste > blogs > reading "Depression"

Depression

posted : Mar 06, 2019 @ 05:52PM pst listening to : Billie Eilish

I can't get out of my own way. 

I have no job, no money, no health insurance, no home or family. 

I'm living out of bags. Several of them. 

I spend most of my time eating and sleeping, or not eating and not sleeping...or existing somewhere in a state that suggests "I'm not ok". 

I want to be ok. My hosts have been so generous while I've been attempting to get on my feet. But, it's been two months since I left home with a suitcase full of my precious belongings, to escape a toxic home and family, and I'm still nowhere. I'm probably worse. But I won't go back to the hospital. I won't do anything to put me there. But I'm not doing anything else. 

I made two boxes of mac and cheese today, and deigned to play with the puppy. 

He says puppies make everything better. 

I say... I know know. It doesn't seem that way. 

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I just know that this tee-shirt is too itchy to wear, I'm not making any money, and the depression is real. 

How is everyone else? Good I hope?

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