Rhoads's journals

Oh hey,




Listen. For all you sweethearted babes who knew I was looking for a Wii Fit, and were like totally gonna buy one for me because you love me so much and because I'm like a sweet drummer and cute? Well, the jig is up. I, mySELF, have found a Wii Fit and I have ordered it for a reasonable fee that I agree with. Thus, thanks for the offers - but I took it to the streets and got it done myself. I still love you so bad/deep, though.




If you want to get me something else, I'll gladly accept new bike tires, as I am riding my bike to Mexico in October.


I love dating you,

Jeff Burke

Oh ok hello,


You look good today. I like that look. Great look. Good look. Keep it up. You look........real good. Today. Great person you are. Go with it.


Ok, now with that out of the way, I'd like to extend to you the reason for my writing. I have made a decision. A decision within summer. A summer-up. A thought. Completed. Reviewed. Revised. Reformed. Accomplished. It is prepared. The thought. The idea. It is ready.

What I'm speaking of is this: I have officially dubbed August as 'Git Yer Shit Together Month'. "But Jeffy B., what does this mean for me, a person of the planet?" CHRIST give a me SECOND. I'll get to that. The purpose of this ideazone is not only to improve your daily life, but improve lives of the general population. If YOU get your act in gear, so will others. Like MAGIC. It's true. It will work. Thus, we will ASCEND into GLORY.


Here's a few tips/guidelines for the month:

1) stop being a douchebag - seriously - knock that shit off. Be a good friend and make a new friend.

2) stop self-loathing - no one likes that shit. YOU are GREAT - so start acting like it.

3) get your buttbloat ass off the couch and do something - stop watching that dang Tivo shit and go outside - doesn't matter what it is, just do it. You can watch Lost on DVD for the next 70 years - so make the day COUNT.

4) pay the Burbank Library your 15 dollar late fee for Mortal Kombat Annihilation. (is that just me?)

5) call your family - they miss you.

6) forget that old exbf/gf - they are dummies and it's time for you become empowered by greatness. (that sentence was AMAZING)

7) be nice to all animals - important!!!



Ok, I think it's pretty clear. Basically, just be yourself and shit will be rad. I promise. If I'm wrong, well, sorry.


Your new boyfriend,

Jeff Burke

Oh yea hi,

How are you? Ok, good. It's true. I haven't shaved my beard. I got SO close. However, I relented. I did. The beard is still hanging off my face. My human face. The face of my head. The beard is on my face and that is where the beard is - on my face. Beard. Face. On my.

I know what you're thinking, "But Jeff B. - when are you going to shave it and return to your HEART-THROB status??!" Well, I picked a date. I'll tell you the definitive date my face will be without growth. January 1st, 2009. That's right. That is when. The date has been selected. Chosen it was (the date). So, if you want to be the first to see my pretty face, you better get in line now. This will be an EVENT.

Also, New Year's is my birthday, so I'll accept gifts where applicable.


Your new best friend,

Jeff Burke

Today's earthquake was a real non-event for me. You know, a non-event? I was sleeping on two chairs at my desk. At work. Hat over my face. Felt the chair shake. Felt my body shake. Felt the chairs sliding. Woke up. Lifted my hat off my face. It was over.


That being said, I liked it so much!


Love you bad,

JB

...can I borrow someone's? I need to work on my sweet bod. You know, bod?

 

PS - you are all so good looking today.

Oh hi!


As of this week, I've had mental thoughts of shaving the beard upon my face region. "But Jeff, why? Oh do please tell?" Ok ok, you twisted my arm.

Since the start of 2008, I have been off the dating market. I pulled myself out of the game. No particular reason for this, other than my extreme and utter boredom of going on dates and then wanting to hang myself during said dates. I haven't met/talked to anyone interesting in years. It's true! Thus, I began a hermit like state, letting my beard grow into a monster, letting my hair grow long like a maniac, and basically living a life that consists of walking to 7-11 in order to obtain Iron Man slurpees. (It has a special taste)

However, that being said, I'm thinking maybe it's time to shed the beard, and re-emerge into the world as a SMOKING HOT DUDE. It's true - I could shave this beard right now and then lurk by the gas station for any SWEET BABE pumping 5 dollar gas. I could possibly use this pick up line - "Hey slut, listen - wanna give me a ride to my apartment? Yea, it's that one two buildings down." What a romancer I am!

But seriously, I think the beard has got to go - unless anyone objects?

.............is still missing.


DANG.

Hey/hi/hello,

Ok, so this morning I woke up pretty early, and I felt like I didn't sleep at all. I stared at the wall for 20 minutes with no clue who I was. I'm a weird morning person it seems. And I've come to realize something. And that something is this. Me, Jeff, as a single man in this world planet, enjoys the contact of a female person. Crazy, I know. Cuddling during sleep is the single greatest way to make my sleep-time worthwhile. It allows me to awaken with a clear mind and excitement for the approaching day. I currently am lacking such contact.

Thus, I have recently filled this void with either cuddling with 1) a pillow or 2) my polar bear stuffed animal named Polar Bear. He is a good friend. PB is also large enough to convince myself in the dead of night that a lady friend has accepted my embrace. It's sorta working so far, yet, the touch of a true lady can never be replaced.

 

I will now spend the day daydreaming of spooning.

 

Your pal,

Jeff

Oh hey yea,

Ok. So yea. Totally. Without a doubt. For sure. Yea.

I lost my iPod. I had it, and then, well, I didn't have it. I was listening to it, and then, well, I heard nothing. I love it, and well, now I long for it.

I'm not sure how it went missing. I think the powerz of my room decided to take it from me. I did find golf balls under my jacket, but no iPod. Makes sense. MAKESSENSE.

I will continue the search. I had Hilary Duff 'So Yetserday' on there. I NEED THAT SHIT.



Love you,

Jeff