Member : NoPotNewGuy > journals > reading "Missing."
back to the profile of NoPotNewGuy
I have been missing lately, for that i apologize, the last month has seemed like one solid day. A giant blur consisting of alcohol and the constant need for movement. I hadn't put much thought into it before this morning, I had only dismissed it as being part of summer. That is until I went through my old phone and found a life that I had nearly forgotten. This damaged piece of ancient technology unveiled pictures, texts, and phone numbers of past friends, ex's, enemies, and acquaintances. It showed me pictures dating back to high school of people i haven't thought about in nearly half a decade. It showed me stages of my life I barely remember. But most of all, it showed me how vivid and fun things used to be. Which is what really made me start to think about my current life, the reason I feel the need for constant movement and distraction. I am looking for a feeling that has long forsaken me. There was a time when I found life to be an adventure, everyday my friends and I would set out to have fun, caring about nothing in the world. Now however my life seems to be a constant repetitive grind, one that is lackluster and unfulfilling. Its like watching the same channel you were earlier but with the color turned off of the television.We used to be able to be poor but happy because all we had to do was rely on each other, but now even that feeling is gone. I feel this urge to be constantly moving, hoping to rekindle that feeling that has long since passed. Hopefully I will someday find that feeling again.
Viewing 10 comments on this page
hrtofthematter
everyday feels the same for me too.
Kaia
us nomads will never quite be content. the past is always brighter, makes us wish we appreciated it more when it was all happening.
NoPotNewGuy
I had a different philosophy back then, I enjoyed that day like it was my last, now I have changed colleges and have been also made to focus on working towards the future. I just dont want to live a life where all I do is worry about I need to do next in order to succeed later on and never enjoy the now, I consider that a wasted life.
Kaia
i'm constantly struggling with that. i'm a virgo so i worry and plan all the time, it's not healthy.
JustinCali
I totally feel you man...but there is a line in one of gogol bordello's songs "there were never any good ol' days, they are today they are tomorrow, it's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow..." it's hard to make due with what you got when you ain't got much man..but we gotta
Jenna
you know who misses you?
judy.
Diablo
Excellent write-up. I think I share the same sentiment. I've got e-mails/chat logs that go back 10 years - occasionally I read through those and wonder how the hell I was able to keep myself so content back then (likely because I was at uni - with goals already being set in the distance all you had to do was follow the "rails"). I agree on the ideas of constant movement - I've realised myself I need to keep setting long-term goals (say up to 5 years from now) so I can keep my creative forces engaged and challenged - have something to live for, expand on what I can achieve.
Hopefully very soon you'll find ways to keep on moving. All the best.
Kinley
<3
Imogen
eeep. I'm experiencing a little bit of this, but I think a lot of it is nostalgia for the present, not the past. A thing that some of my friends deny up and down exists. It's like, these are the good days that I'm going to miss in years to come, and that I need to properly enjoy them and make them count and live them to the fullest. And while I am living them to the fullest, I am sad about how they'll be over.
it's a really retarded emotion. Apparently I need to stop thinking about it and just move with life instead of trying to cram as much "now" into "now."
I don't know.
back to the profile of NoPotNewGuy
i missed you.