Livia

last night and this morning have been really rough, for reasons that i can't explain or even comprehend.  i haven't felt this kind of sadness in what seems like forever, i don't know where it's coming from or what to do with it.  it's that intense gut wrenching type that makes you question how you're going to cope, i know it will pass soon though, i can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.  crying feels very foreign to me, my tears feel like acid and make my eyes burn.

ruzz sent me this photo he completed today, it feels very fitting for the state that i am in.  i definitely think you should check out his work, every time i go through his flickr i realize what an amazing talent he has. 



the paycheque i get tomorrow is larger than normal, overtime and stat holidays will do that.  i have decided that this is the cheque i will use to buy a decent camera.  i need an outlet, i need to start creating and expressing again, and i hope that this will facilitate.

i feel like this is a wake up call for me, my life is in a sad state of disrepair.  i sleep in, get up, go to work a job i hate, go home, lay in bed, and do it all over again.

how has it gotten to this point?

everyone else seems to have such an overwhelming amount of friends, things to do, things that create happiness inside them.  i feel as if i have nothing, and i have no one to blame for it but myself.

the worst part is that i try, maybe too hard? i can't figure out the problem, but i can realize that there certainly is one. 

for the past few months i have been feeling quite content, finally feeling as if i am okay by myself.  i realize now though that this isn't true, what i am lacking is not a lover or a provider, but a deeper social circle.  i crave interaction, i can't help myself.

with the money from this cheque i was going to buy a laptop, i felt like it would maybe help me feel closer to others, but obviously that would not be the case.  disconnecting from reality further is not what i need, and any sense of security it would give me would be false and fleeting.

i think i am being deep but i am not, someone tell me to stop being a whiney bitch.

farhaad just sent this rad picture to my phone, apparently it's like 3 minutes away from his house.

AWESOME.

i should live on this street.