Diablo

Slowly, but surely, things are changing for the better...

After a brief period of mourning for the loss of a large chunk of my free time*, I'm starting to adjust and adapt to my new workplace and routine. It's proving to be quite promising, getting on quite well with my manager and the colleagues I've met. My desk is also right up against an edge window looking out to the Southbank foreshore, so I get a spectacular view throughout the day and into the evening. Even though I'm still in the training phase (and will be for some time), I'm starting to feel quite confident in the capabilities I'm demonstrating. Things are also somewhat more relaxed than my last place - I finally can  take 1-hour lunch breaks if I like without criticism - and my manager and a bunch of regulars (myself invited) also indulge in a "coffee o'clock" (3pm) ritual meeting at a local cafe where they talk funny crazy stuff.

*In a way, unemployment is not really free time - there's always a dilemma attached. You have all the free time you need, but you usually don't have the income or money to support what you really want to do, and you spend most of that time stressing out about where your next lot of income will be coming from instead, so it doesn't feel anything like a holiday.

There are a few things I'm missing from my last job (such as fortnightly massages, free parking, and lunch in Fitzroy's Brunswick Street), but hopefully the much higher pay and opportunity for advancement will make up for that. I have to catch a 40min train ride into the city (or drive in and put up with hellish parking rates or distant but cheap parking). Like Romy, I also now have to wear business attire - suit and tie for me (spent a few hundred bucks expanding my wardrobe in that direction, but at least I can reliably do up a necktie now!). And I also only get paid monthly, so I'm still waiting another two weeks for the first paycheck to arrive - which will probably have a significant chunk of tax withheld on it until next July.

Had yet another housing scare - walking home on after my first day of work, got called up by the real estate agent and told that the landlord wants to put the house up for sale again. Great way to ruin my spirits, you bastard. At least the situation wasn't quite as dire as before, as I now had a source of income - but still no savings. Just as I was gearing up the willpower to get up early on Saturday mornings and go househunting, I only just got told a few days ago that the landlord had a family member bail him out financially (he was apparently close to bankruptcy), and decided to withdraw the house from sale.

Phew... but I think I should really be more proactive in dealing with this situation in future and insuring against potential grief - I've thought about seeing if I can sign a short-term fixed lease to give myself more housing security. A number of people have also suggested I should really consider the possibility of buying instead of renting - I'll certainly give it some serious thought a few months from now when I get past probation at work.

At least I'm starting to relish the idea of finally getting income again... finally I was able to add some much-wanted albums to my music collection, so I have some fresh new tunes cranking out in my lounge room for once. Especially my listening to album listed above - I had been looking for that one for ages, presumed it had been deleted from print (and dreading having to bid for it online), then by luck discovered it had been recently reissued, albeit buried amongst the rack of other dance artists in the city JB Hi-Fi store. (And needless to say, SAW 85-92 is one freakingly awesome album, just as I had anticipated from the album reviews I'd read - wish I heard it earlier).

Next step to conquer - try and re-establish consistent contact with all my friends and make sure I maintain a good balance between work life and social life.

I'll be heading to watch a gig in two weeks' time - it's a comeback gig for a band I know of, who suffered a tragic loss when one of their members and his wife (who was an ex-colleague of mine at my last job) were killed in a car accident while touring the US last year. Paying my tributes - you will not be forgotten.

And one of my all time favourite artists (Underworld) will be appearing at Summerdayze festival on New Years Day 2009 - thinking about heading out to that. Hmmm... wonder if I can find something cool to do on NYE as well?

In other news: I'm completely surprised at the current result of the state election in my home state (Western Australia) - right now it is looking very well like it could be a hung parliament, if not a razor-thin Labor victory, compared to looking like a Liberal landslide earlier on in the evening. Who woulda thunk....

And I have been procrastinating pretty badly on replying to posts in other journals... sorry :/ Really ought to get on to that soon, having seen some really awesome things that I want to reply to.

Well, I made it, finally...

The defence contractor company has just offered me a position to work for them. They want me to start next week. I could have negotiated the salary a little higher, but I've decided it's better that I get my foot in the door first, and not risk blowing this opportunity in a futile search for financial perfection. The workplace seems cool and interesting enough. I'll be working on large-scale air traffic control/monitoring systems - very technical and stringent processes need to be followed, but it's certainly more challenging than the mundane web-dev stuff I've done in the past - much better suited for the stuff I learnt at uni.

I thought I had screwed up the interview yet again (trying hardest not to focus on negative things), but I was pleasantly surprised to hear feedback that they were impressed with me - and they went out of their way to show me around the workplace & huge testing warehouses afterwards. I'm now waiting for the employment contract to be posted out, but I've been assured that it doesn't have anything exploitative or repressive in it. I have done work experience in large organisations before, so I know I have to be prepared to deal with bureaucracy and layers of management, but I think I've been pretty well hardened now in dealing with workplaces after these last 12 months.

It still hasn't sunk in yet. I'm still getting feelings of despair like I had before. But I'm not wanting to be overly emphatic and excited about it - even though I might be experiencing positive outcomes finally, there are others out there that are in less fortunate shape than myself - suffering at the brunt of sociopathic employers, volatile workplaces, or just getting society's short end of the stick time and time again, through no fault of their own, simply because their political representation doesn't care enough for them.

I've experienced long-term unemployment myself a few times already (two stints of 8 months after the dot-com crash, and 6 months just now), so having known what it's like on that side, I think I should be expending the energy I would otherwise be using on appraising my own situation, to show support for others that are much less well off in their means of living - finding ways of keeping them mentally positive to help them reach their goals. I've been grateful to have some supportive people around myself for the last 6 months, and I think it's only fair if I reciprocate the efforts onwards.

And, I need to get my life back on track, after being in suspended animation for the last 6 months. There has been a hell of a lot of stuff I need to do, that I've been putting off....

• Need to renew my wardrobe (running out of dress shirts and jeans...)


• Need to think about moving house (even though I'm working in the CBD, I'm looking at least a 30-40min commute every morning due to traffic).


• Need to get my car serviced (it's slowly leaking coolant on to my garage floor)


• Need to get a goddamn proper computer desk (no more kitchen table in loungeroom).


• Need to get my haircut.


• Need to buy some birthday gifts for close friends/relatives that I had promised, but put on hold.


• Need to clean up my house.


• Need to get contents insurance for my household items.


• Need to find out what my options are for completing my degree while working full-time (been attending open days over the last few weekends).


• Need to get my fitness back up and lose the weight I've stacked on lately.


• Want to expand my music collection further, and start heading out to concerts and gigs again.
  


• Want to get those numerous dents/scratches on my car repaired.


• Want to get a decent camera* (I've thought of getting both an entry-level DSLR so I can learn serious photography, and maybe a compact just for rough mucking-around stuff).


• Want to kick-start long term plans to take up music seriously as a hobby.


• Want to get some better hardware upgrades for my computer.


• And so on...

*And I can finally take some flattering photos of myself for a decent avatar. Although making up my own interesting logos and whatnot is pretty fun (hey, if I ever produced a pure electronic music album, I wouldn't mind using that fractal design for the cover).

Looks like the real challenges I'll be facing ahead will be some smart money management, and also making sure I keep a balance between working life and personal/social life, as this has been where I've seriously run myself down in the past (especially as most of the people I'll be working with now are in their 30's+ onwards, I'll definitely won't have as much in common with them, and will be reliant on keeping my own personal networks alive so I can keep myself energised).

To all of you that have given me well wishes and messages of support in the past - thank you very much, it's kept me going all this time, and I'm very appreciative of  what you've had to say.

The "I don't care" awards: This month's "I don't care" award goes to the Olympic games. As much as I think the majority of athletes who train relentlessly and put a hell of a lot of dedication just for a shot at gold should get some recognition from me (and I wil genuinely honour that), I've finally reached the point where I can see all the politics involved, the overcommercialism, the obsession with performance-enhancing drugs, the focus more on winning rather than participation, the corruption with bidding processes, and I'd prefer not to get started on my views of China's political affairs. Over the last few decades, the games have all but deviated from the idealistic spirit they were conceived in, in my opinion. Sorry, but my TV is staying switched off... I frankly don't feel any motivation to watch the coverage.

(I'm also disappointed that Roy & HG won't be producing another series of The Dream. Since their efforts during the Sydney 2000 games, it has been the only real program item that I looked forward to and truly enjoyed - I think satire is badly needed to point out all the flaws and idiosyncrasies so prevalent in the execution of the modern Olympics).

Hey all, sorry about the lack of updates lately. When I'm stressed out I often find it really hard to articulate myself, which is why I just find it too easy to procrastinate and put off writing journals/replies until I gather enough willpower to break it.

I wish every journal entry of mine didn't have to contain endless inane scrawl about my relentless job-hunting, but that's all I seem to be doing lately. However I think I'm reaching the point where I can now identify all the mistakes I've been making in the past 4-5 months or so. I'm really starting to master interviews much better and get real results, but I'm at the stage where time is likely starting to count against me. In other words, I wish I knew what I know now, six months ago - I'd be flying sky-high today if I did. I can only chalk my poor performance in interviews up to a lack of experience (since in my past jobs I always got an offer after my first or second attempt), and a consequence of letting my skills rot due to inactivity and lack of challenge (which hurts my self-esteem and makes me doubt my capabilities).

Last two weeks have been rather eventful...

I've had to knock back two job offers - there were just too many signs present that would certainly sour the deal for me and leave me further miserable. One of them was a company I had mentioned before where I made it to third-round interviews - I was keen to work there, until they dropped a real bombshell and offered me a rock-bottom pay package (less than my last job), with no written offers of performance milestones or pay reviews. It exposed a real ugly element of their management culture I had seen signs of, but not realised until then - they wanted someone who they could push face-down into the mud, and take advantage of. I knew I deserved better. Sent them an e-mail outlining in clear terms that I was worth more than what they offered, and later tried following it up over the phone, only for them to surprisingly tell me in a shaking, nervous voice that they'd "appointed someone else instead". Seems like they didn't like being confronted on their practices. I've never negotiated starting salary before, so that was a first for me.

I hate dodgy, exploitative companies just as much as the next guy. As much as my financial situation is becoming dire, deep down I felt I had to take a stand, because I think the fact that many IT workers here and elsewhere, not having the spine to negotiate on pay and working conditions and just copping pathetic mediocre deals, just encourages employers to keep doing it over and over - it's almost like IT employees have a reputation for fecklessness. While knocking back a position still hurts me in terms of opportunities lost and goals slipping away, there's a small sensation of David-vs-Goliath victory - the ability to hit back at a more powerful sociopathic corporation, that makes me feel a little more stronger for it.

I've been feeling really gutted and guilt-ridden, now that I'm still claiming welfare allowance having knocked back some job offers already. But my spirits are slowly lifting back up - the people I've spoken to already have been incredibly supportive of my decisions. It's good to know that others think I have far better potential and deserve a better deal. My Centerlink JNM has offered to put me on to some assertiveness training courses, so I can negotiate better with employers - something that I've never been good at in the past.

In better news...

I've been offered an interview for a software engineer position at a really prestiguous multi-national defence contractor company next week, so I had really better study hard and make sure I can demonstrate the skills they need - the career path would be awesome, and I can actually use all the stuff I learnt at uni for once. I've also been contacting the various universities around here in Melbourne to see what options I have for finishing my degree - the future could be looking very promising.

My housing crisis has also just fizzled out - the landlord decided to withdraw the house from sale a week before auction. Not only that, but the house behind me went up for lease, so I could have moved there if I had to. Get out of jail free card, eh? Let's just hope the rent stays put.

Worked up the guts to visit the dentist for a checkup, after not having one in two years (!). Surprisingly my teeth are still all in good condition - the only extraction involved was $90 from my wallet (I wish I could claim dental visits on the public health system - I reckon everyone would visit the dentist more frequently if it forcibly came out of their tax, less expense overall.).

Managed to squeeze a bit of entertainment in on the weekend - went to see The Dark Knight at the cinemas, and was mightly impressed with Ledger's performance, among other things. I just loved the incredibly tense, gloomy feel of the movie - very moving, light years ahead of the Schumacher-directed Batman films.

My younger sister (who recently scraped up $100 for a groceries voucher for my recent birthday, from her student wages - she insisted on it, can't believe her kindness), wants to fly over from Perth to Melbourne in a few months and catch up with me. I haven't seen her in two years, but it is incredibly heartwarming to know she thinks the world of me.

Rage (music video show on ABC TV) has been getting really awesome lately - guest programmers that I enjoy, new artists I've discovered, awesome mini-specials to follow the main playlists, and more fun specials along the way. My music shopping list is growing and growing - I can't wait until I secure a wage again and revitalise my album collection.
Fun nerdy fact: I'm somewhat obsessed with taping Rage guest specials, watching them back an hour-at-a-time in my free time, and keeping a collection of them - I have around nearly 60-70 VHS tapes so far holding past specials, many of which I haven't had the chance to see yet.

Is there anyone else here who has a remote interest in horoscopes? I'm normally sceptical of them, but just out of interest I've been tracking the one in my local paper for the last two weeks, and about half the time, my horoscope neatly predicted the events of the day. Uncanny coincidence, I guess. Or do those distant little star constellations really have an effect on me?

Anyway, I think it's about time I should start commenting on other people's journals and on some of the new photosets that have come up. Doing my bit for the community. Damn, some of these latest set are incredible!

Lately, I have some moderately good news, and some really bad news. Using vector arithmetic, this roughly sums up my situation as moderately bad news, however using mathematics to trivialise one's problems is not always advisable.

The bad news is after a week of flip-flopping, my landlord has decided to press on ahead with selling the house I'm in. After some enquiring with the real estate agent, he seems to think it's very likely that even if the new buyer wants it as an investment property, they're almost certain to hike the rent up (possibly by a factor of 50% simply because rents have apparently gone up in the suburb I live in, since I moved into this house 2 years ago), which makes living in this house completely unfeasible.

In other words, I am almost certain to end up being forced to leave this house in 10 weeks time, and if I'm still not working by then, I am going to be facing an immense struggle to find another rental property, simply because it'll be difficult convincing landlords of my ability to pay the rent. I am dreading that I'm going to have to move even further out from the CBD, which is just going to add to the isolation that I already experience here. I have no idea where my next place of work could be, so I could be looking at a dreadfully long commute for the next 6 months.

I hate how people can mess with one of my basic needs (shelter), just like that. That people put greed and money above the basic welfare of others. I now have to balance my time between job-hunting and house-hunting, which is certainly going to wear me out further and produce less-than-optimal results in both areas. The agent is being a real prick, completely unhelpful, all he cares about is his fucking commission. He hasn't even been giving me sufficient notice on open-for-inspections (last one was only a few hours), so I've threatened to serve him with a breach notice, demanding he gives me 24hrs written notice as per the Tenancy Act.

As a last resort, I'm thinking of looking up the landlord and contacting him directly, explain my situation and ask him if he can consider putting the auction on hold for another month or so, in the interests of avoiding hardship being inflicted on myself. I don't know how I'll be able to pull through all this in the worst case scenario. I need someone to keep talking to, if I'm going to keep my sanity. This stress is really messing up my sleeping and eating patterns.

Some good news - I've landed two more interviews this week, one of them is with a recruiter who wants to provide coaching services to help me perform better in interviews (he sounded very empathetic of my situation, and says he prides his business on actually offering those services instead of just pawning hapless candidates at prospective employers like other recruiters do). I'm also still waiting out for the 3rd-round interview of another job (although I think it's very likely, based on the manner of communication evident from the employer). Lastly the JNM agency that I had to visit recently has booked me in for some motivational workshops, so I'll have to wait and see what those have to offer.

Now if I can land one of those positions mentioned above, I may have a swift escape route out of this fine mess I'm in.

Lately I've been trying to iterate through my community list and comment on each person's journal - I've been really wanting to do this, but it's taking me so long. Especially with ones like Swindle's, Livia's and Siobhan's, for instance, let alone others. I'm really sorry, I'm trying my hardest. If you're taking the time to read and comment on my journal, I honestly feel I should pay you the return gesture.

Nerdy music pleasure: Had a lot of fun watching The Presets guest program Rage on Saturday night - especially with many synth-pop artists from the late 70's and early-mid 80's being brought out from the archives (plus the mini-special that followed was pretty sweet too). All those antiquated synthesizers and crude drum machines may sound kitsch compared to live instruments, but there's a certain campiness to it that I like.

Lately I've been really tense over a number of things...

Melbourne is throwing some of its coldest nights at me and it's no surprise we're at the zenith of winter. Staying warm is proving to be a real challenge. I can use the gas heater, but it burns up all the oxygen in the room, making it stuffy, and me becoming light-headed and drowsy. To counter that, I can get fresh air in through an open windows, but the air out there is only ~6degC or thereabouts - cancelling out any previous warmth. Third way out is to run the electric heater but that's going to run up a heavy power bill, of which I have the least amount of cash to pay for. Wardrobe has hardly any warmer clothing that is comfy, good condition and fitting (it's one of the many things I need to spend money on when I get more work).

I can't win. Maybe I should put a call out for someone, preferably a GodsGirl-type girl, for company... duties involving occasional cuddling and spooning, so we can share our body heat for warmth and also have intelligent conversation to keep me sane. Hey, I could dream!

Secondly, job hunting is also getting stressful again - a number of organisations are stonewalling me in one way or another. There have been no less than three places I've applied recently for where the person handling my application has resigned or moved on, which is slowing down progress significantly. I may have to wait two weeks before getting a response on some  of these positions, so it means almost going back to the drawing board. Having said that, I've had two interviews where I think things went pretty well (after having to sit some tests, and also demonstrating good aptitude and handling the tough questions nicely). One interviewer tried to intimidate me by bragging that some other candidates took a good half-hour to solve the problem he was going to give me on the whiteboard - which I then promptly solved in 30 seconds.

This observation gives me the idea that perhaps the IT job market is so fucked because there's all these wannabees applying for positions where they have nowhere near the expertise required, clogging up recruiter/HR inboxes everywhere. Makes me wish employers would set a mini CompSci-style assignment that had to be completed with each application - bonus points if it's one of those lateral thinking/complex math puzzles (check for plagiarism too). Weed out the weak and incompetent at the start.

Thirdly, my real estate agent is giving me the shits - he's scheduled two open-for-inspections, one tomorrow, at very short notice, and I have not had any time to clean the house. As a result, I'll now be having John and Jane Q. Randoms walking among my disorganised clutter. I was almost tempted to tell him to get stuffed, that I won't co-operate,  and dare him to start the eviction process if he was game enough. However I realise I could play the passive-aggressive game if I wanted to - make a mediocre effort to clean up (but enough to secure my belongings from being rummaged/pinched by strangers), and make the house slightly unappealing, therefore reducing chances of a sale, until the agent started co-operating in my favour. They've also put a silly "For Sale" sign on my front lawn, complete with agent-speak puffery (don't you hate that?).

All these latest events have put me in a real blue funk of a mood. I like to listen to harsher, darker, more tensive music (industrial, metal, punk rock - electronic influenced preferred if possible) to help me get through these moments - I often find it really palatable at these times... but my music collection mostly lacks this kind of material and I'm still trying to find good artists in this genre that I like. Currently I'm listening to my NIN albums on rotation (see Listening To field). Feel free to suggest anything similar...

Nerdy amusement time: After months and months of cautiously watching browser links I click on and flashblocking annoying YT clips, I have now been rickrolled by my TV. Pennywise were guest programming Rage on the weekend, and at one point, after a lead-up commentary on influential artists, they suddenly inserted Never Gonna Give You Up into the playlist. Nice one, guys!

I finally ventured onto stickam at a good time, and caught up with Annaliese, Farhaad and the rest of the gang (I'm diablo2000 btw - I'll usually be online around midnight-5am US PDT, which is 5pm-10pm AEST, when I find time to get online). I'm still trying to learn how to fit into the sub-culture there and keep up with the pace of conversation, but it was still nevertheless a fun experience that I'd be glad to try again. (Unfortunately I've had to scale back on my ISP plan due to lack of income; as I have tightly-quota'd bandwidth, I'll have to run with the video streams switched off for the time being - so please give me a heads up in the text channel if you want to show me something on your cam).

Lastly, Annaliese's latest journal post on love letters (and a discussion between Josepha and myself on her journal) had me thinking to myself about the strange ways love plays into my life at the moment - I'm thinking whether I should put it into words and make another journal entry on it...

See you around the site (and soon on the forums!).