Member : Dedfishies > blogs > reading "Panties 2.0"

Panties 2.0

posted : Mar 12, 2017 @ 11:48AM pst listening to : Lady Gaga

i may have made the mistake of getting an Aerie credit card. now it's soft panties, all the time. sometimes i feel like an awkward poster child for the salvation army. now i feel like an awkward poster child for aerie and american eagle. #shamelessplug? 

with no romance or sexy times on the horizon, i've been on a bit of a spending binge. my budget has turned into liquid poo...i'm basically just flushing all my emergency funds, because my bipolar disorder has taken priority due to limited social distractions. 

although, i did dye my hair purple. something i've been wanting to do since high school, and have never done. 6tVoqDM.jpg

i think i've gone into a manic whirlwind of spending and overeating due to my best friend getting married, and getting her life together. i keep going through these weird scenarios, where she comes back from Didney Worl to set up house, and i don't hear from her for what feels like an eternity. 

something similar happened with another close friend. she went on a road trip with her new boyfriend last august, and i haven't seen her since, now that she's moved in with him. 

i'm approaching 30. the big 3 0. i still live with my parents, work part time, still in school, one friend, no social life, no significant other (not that i really want one). my best friend denies my fears, but she's the kind that has no peripheral. we've been through this before. 

so, sadness begets sadness, and i keep spending all my hard earned money on things i don't necessarily need. like dying my hair, buying brand name jeans, bras and panties, and so many books. i spent $186 on a pair of booties last month. no regrets...but i've never spent that much on shoes. my Docs don't even cost that much. 

my dissociation is getting worse as well. soooooo much worse. i can hardly ever get a handle on reality. i think these days i feel more fulfilled by fiction than reality. the same way i felt a little over ten years ago when i was still in high school...dealing with things far beyond my maturity level. they say that trauma can contribute to disassociation.

regardless, i do have things to look forward to. on wednesday i have an interview with Grassroots Campaigns. and i'm planning a small vacation for just me. 

small question for the members here: where is a good destination spot within the US? i've been thinking it's high time to visit CA for the first time. i have a friend i made on SG back in 2009, and we've never met. i also want to see Portland, Seattle, see places with some serious arts and culture. if anyone has any suggestions, i'll start planning a trip. :) 

<3

Viewing 6 comments on this page

Blath

im sorry about the dissociation. that shit sucks, i know.

san diego is my favourite place in CA. 

posted Mar 14, 2017 @ 02:04PM pst
Dedfishies

thank you @blath. i have an appointment with my therapist tonight, hopefully we can find ways to combat the dissociation 

san diego is some place i do want to see someday. what are some cool locations to visit in san diego? 

posted Mar 15, 2017 @ 12:26PM pst
Blath

ummmm, la jolla has the most beautiful cliff walks by the sea. and sea lions. so many sea lions.

in the actual city? id make a lil list of the places i like if you end up going.

posted Mar 15, 2017 @ 02:25PM pst
Dedfishies

i'm thinking seriously about it. i only ever talk about vacationing someday, an right now i have zero attachments to staying put, nor do i have any requirements besides work, and working two jobs AND going to school full time, i think i deserve a vacation. i think it would be exciting to vacation across the country by myself. i mean, it's wayyyy outside my comfort zone, but i think i might need that boost. i have a refund check from my school coming in May, and that's probably when i'll start planning. i'm thinking a week in CA, sometime in September or October, when i won't die from the heat. 

i know my friend lives in or lived in Ventura, and i know i'll be dropped off in LA. gahhh...i'm scared and excited all at the same time. plus, plane tickets aren't horribly expensive. what, like, $500 ish there and back?

posted Mar 16, 2017 @ 03:47PM pst
Blath

Sounds like the perfect time!

My last flights were about $350 return from the UK in Feb, so, you should be able to snap something up for that price range :) 

posted Mar 16, 2017 @ 05:15PM pst
Dedfishies

that is way cheaper than i was expecting. 

Thank you for this support. I'm nervous about traveling outside of New England for the first time. and I've never traveled by myself. and the last time I was on a plane I was 8, and went to Disney World. soooo...yeahhhh

posted Mar 17, 2017 @ 04:48PM pst

Add A Comment be respectful, these are humans