"YESTERDAY I LOVED, TODAY I SUFFER,

TOMORROW I DIE: BUT I STILL THINK FONDLY,

TODAY AND TOMMOROW,

OF YESTERDAY."


G. E. LESSING

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HAVE I FORGOTTEN WHERE ALL BEGAN ? OR WHERE I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO ? ... NEVER.

HAVE I SEEN MY OWN REFLECTION AND WONDERED IF MY SHADOW IT IS HAPPY TO BE PART OF ME? ... PERHAPS.

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SINCE I WAS LITTLE I HAD SUCH GREAT HOPES FROM PEOPLE, NOT ONLY FOR MY SAKE BUT FOR THEIRS … REMINDING ME WITH SUCH A BIG SMILE: "MAYBE ONE DAY YOU WILL BE FAMOUS AND I WILL HAVE THIS DRAWING WITH YOUR SIGNATURE ON IT … I WILL MAKE SURE TO HOLD ON TO IT"


WELL THAT PERSON I ONCE WAS, STILL LINGERS TRYING TO ENCORAGE ME OF NEVER GIVING UP … I GUESS THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES I USED TO HEAR THAT VOICE VERY CLEARLY ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD … TODAY IT IS LIKE A WHISPER, NOT BECAUSE I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT OR AS IF I GREW TIRED OF IT, BUT IT DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT AT ALL.


MAYBE I JUST ALLOWED PEOPLE VOICES TO ECHO IN MY MIND TO TAKE THAT IMPULSE AND THAT ENERGY OUT OF MYSELF, BY ALLOWING THEM TO TELL ME THAT MAYBE I SHOULD BE REALISTIC AND DO MORE WITH MY LIFE AS IF I WAS ASKING THEM FOR PERMISSION … SUCH A WASTE ON TIME. I GAVE UP INTO THEIR OWN MENTALITY THEN … BUT I REALIZE HOW SAD LIFE MUST BE FOR SOMEONE WITHOUT DREAMS; AND OFCOURSE I DO NOT SAY THIS BECAUSE OF THOSE PEOPLE BUT FOR MY OWN SAKE … A REMINDER AND A PERSONAL NOTE FOR MY OWN SOUL, TIRED OF TRYING TO LIVE BY OTHER PEOPLES EXPECTATIONS.


PERHAPS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT SADDENS ME THE MOST, IS THAT IF I LOOK BACK ON TO MY OLD DRAWINGS, I SEE THAT FIRE, THAT NEED, THAT LIFE AND EVEN DOUBT ... AS IF I STRANGER TOOK A HOLD OF MY SOUL AND USED MY TALENT TO CREATE SUCH BEAUTIFUL THINGS WITOUT BEING ABLE TO BE CERTAIN AS IF IT WAS A DREAM.



ROBED OF THAT POSSIBLITY OF LEAVING A SMALL MARK OF THE BOOK OF TIME OR AT LEAST A FOOT NOTE SAYING … "HE SPENT MOST OF HIS LIFE BEING AN ARTIST, WHILE THE REST … HE WASTED.


DARKNESS_HYDE