GodsGirls.com : hot emo punk goth girls naked

Theres a story i want to write, an idea of a book...these are bits and pieces of those ideas...

I sit in the bathtub.
Listening to my parents argue about. whatever.
My phone is buzzing with a notification of a new text. Its a friend telling me about her boyfriend and her in a fight.
I click ignore.
I sit in the bathtub. Theres no water. I'm not even naked.
I'm just sitting. Waiting for the sun to rise.
Dad slams the bedroom so hard, it vibrates through the walls, and rattles my head, blurring my vision.
When the sun rises, its time for work.
I dont sleep in my room because she's sleeping in my bed.
When I go to work, shes there too.
Standing behind me, "fucker" she whispers in my ear.
"you stupid stupid mother fucker" she tells me all day.
By now you might be thinking who is she. Her name is Jessie.

jessie follows me everywhere.
I try to lose her, but when I do, shes there waiting.
Smiling with her pomagranite red lips, whispering the same bull shit.
"you mother fucker", her dark brown eyes make me wonder if she's even got pupils.
I dont sleep. Much.
The bathroom seems to be the only place I can lose her.
Some nights, she waits out side the door.
She doesnt like it when I spend nights in there, pounding on the door.
Harder, harder, harder.
My parents dont seem to notice, or care. or whatever.
Every night, I sit in the tub. Fully clothed.
She tells me, "take off your clothes, and i'll kill you, I know everything".

want to come with me? she asked.
I asked back, where too.
Don't worry fucker, she said.
Breathing on my neck, the cold chill reminding me of my boyhood days during winter.
I dont know about this, i tell her.
Fucking pussy, she tells me, tells me right in my ear, i feel her, but only the smell of decay and rotting flesh cause me to double over.
Jessie, i say to her, I do not love you.
She looks at me, stares right at me.
Smirks
Holds her hand out, just trust me she says.
I grasp hold of her cold, cold hand.
She smirks.
You stupid mother fucker she tells me.

I wake up.

I wake up.
The sheets are wet, stuck to my back.
I'm confusing my dreams with reality, and I wonder if Jessie is real.
I walk into the hallway to get a drink of water, dad's still up on the phone to someone.
Who?
I dont know.
All I know is that he smiles like I havent seen since I was a boy, when he and mom would look at each other.
He doesnt hear me as i step into the kitchen, flip the light on.
There she is, Jessie.
Smirking.
Smelly.
Beautiful.
I'm scarred, but happy to see her.
She seems to be the only person to pay attention to me these days.
What are you doing she asks.
I tell her about my dream.
She asks me how do I know that this very moment right now isn't a dream as well.
I do not know how to answer her.
She glides to me effortlessly.
Whispers in my ear that she still remembers.
I'm confused to what she is talking about, til she grabs my arm.
Her cold grip burns with rage.
Fucker.
I'm going to make sure you pay you stupid lil fuck.
She yells at me.
I look to my dad, too busy with his new friend on the phone.
I pray it's a dream, a nightmare, not real.
Baby, I have nothing but time, Jessie says.
I start to cry.
I fear.
I hurt.
She laughs.
Pansy ass pussy, I'm not done with you yet.
She lets go and pushes me onto the ground.
I look up.
Shes gone.
Dad turns around, and sees me on the ground.
Off the phone.
He looks down at me and asks if i'm drunk.
I tell him no, i fell.
He says I lie, and picks me up.
I want him to hold me.
I miss security.
His grip that picked me up, is the first time he's touched me since I was a boy.
I craved more of it.
I open my arms.
He closes a fist, and squares it up with a left hook to my cheek.
I fall again.
If you want to be on the ground, I'll give you a reason he says to me.
I look up at him with tears in my eyes.
He tells me he didnt raise a faggot.
 

Last thing I remember that night was his right foot coming towards my face.
I wake up
Its all white around me.
Is this heaven? I wonder to myself.
I try to peer out swollen eyes, try to talk, jaw wired shut. Broken.
Dad loves me so much.
I feel someone watching me in the corner of the room.
Is it her?
Is it mom?
Is it dad, making sure his perfect son doesnt turn him into the police?
I peer harder.
Its just hospital equipment. Beep. Beep. Beep. The heart monitor beeps to me.
I can feel the dryness of the oxygen tube in my nose, giving me the worse case of bugers i've ever had.
I go to pick them away.
Right arm is restrained.
Broken.
Dad loves me so much.
If she were to come right now, she could take full advantage of me.
I ponder how I can get into the bathroom, since it's the only safe spot these days.
Sadly I have a red tube going up the end of my penis, catheter to help my bladder rid of urine.
No need to go in there.
Victimized.
I wish so badly that heart monitor would shut up.
No, not cos it's giving me a headache. Im tired of this.
I'm not totally sure, but almost positive, I want to die.

Mom comes to visit me in the hospital.
She tells me everything is okay, and asks me if I need anything.
A revolver i tell her.
She smiles, and tells me how much of a smart ass i am.
If she only knew how serious my intent was.
Stupid bitch.
Dont get me wrong, love her, just dumb.
She gets up, comes to my bed to hug me good bye.
Stench of whiskey emanates from her breath.
Half drunk.
Only 2 in the afternoon.
She tells me she'll be back after dinner.
Says shes got to get home before dad.
She leaves.
Gone.
Alone.
Me and the heart monitor again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I get bored of this.
T.v. is on, but nothing on t.v.
Nurse comes in, checks I.V. looks at heart monitor, takes body temperature.
Smiles at me, lifts up my hospital garb, checks catheter.
Leaves.
Routine maintenance. 4 times daily.
8 am. 4 pm 8 pm 4 am.
Sometimes its the blonde nurse Nancy.
Sometimes its the brunette one, Gloria.
Always though a female.
Sere gate mothers.
Care takers.
Life preservers.
Unplug the God damned machines, and let me die.
I stare at the television as an infomercial plays.
Some random product invented by some suburban genius, trying to make a buck to feed his family.
His hunger for glory.
His hunger for praise and attention.
His hunger for lack of love as a child from his mother.
Females, they truly run our lives.
I continue to watch this buy it now advertisement, until my eyelids grow ever heavier, and I fall asleep.
I havent seen Jessie since arriving here.
The best sleep I've ever had.

Two weeks go by of this routine.
Until, of course, the day of my release.
From heaven, back to hell.
Dad didnt visit me once.
Not once.
Glad.
His face gives me nightmares.
Mom comes to pick me up from this sacred place.
This wonderful place.
They have it all, despite the lack of better entertainment.
Food cooked 3 times daily.
Daily dose of morphine and any other cocktail of pain killing drugs.
Room mates.
And nurses who dont mind grabbing and looking at your privates.
If it wasnt for the pain of the cath being pulled out your urethra, I would have enjoyed the attention.
On the drive home mom tells me that dad's been a bit under the weather lately.
I dont know why, but this brings a smile to my face.
She tells me that due to me being in the hospital, they can not afford to take him to a doctor, even with the medical insurance they have.
I contain my happiness of dads illness inside.
Bastard.
I dont hate the man, but if he were to die, I wouldnt care.
I ask her what is his illness, out of a false concern.
She tells me, with tears in her eyes, she thinks he's got a bad case of the flu or food poisoning.
I ask her how long he's been in this situation. still pretending.
About three days she tell me, still tears in her stupid stupid eyes.
Why she loves him, i do not know.
Its clear to me that dear old dad is a cheater.
Possessive of everything.
Racist.
Sexist.
So powerful, yet a micro organism is keeping him off his feet.
Bed ridden.
Vomiting.
My joy.
My happiness.

Mom and I arrive at home.
So weird coming back to a house after such a long absence.
Haunting and a sense of deja vu over whelms me.
Not a feeling I've had since the beginning of summer when we took our family vacation to San Diego.
Though I'll miss heaven, I can not wait to see dad.
Green in the face.
Sick.
Weak.
Natures way of ridding out the unfit.
Bastard.
I head right for the bedroom in which dad is laying.
I open the door.
There SHE is.
My love.
My certain death.
My nightmare.
Jessie.
Standing right over dad.
Smiling with those God damned red lips.
Her gaze goes from him, to me.
Welcome home she tells me.
Dad doesnt seem to care or notice her.
I half smile at her.
My feelings are confusing.
I've been busy she tells me as she glides to me.
I step back.
I want you to know how much a lil fucker you are, raising her voice.
You did this.
You have to pay.
You stupid mother fucker.
You worthless fuck.
Damn you.
She keeps repeating.
Scaring me.
I retreat another step back.
But my leg is still in a cast and my crutches make my movements slow.
Worthless I am.
Jessie stares at me.
Inches from my face.
She stares, and smiles.
Jessie is gone again.
Im left cold.
Scared.
I fall to the ground, shaking.
I pass out.
Lights out.
No more sounds.