erin's journals

its hot in new york, humid more than hot. i'm in a white summer dress sweating my (non)balls off. i think every building in new york should require air conditioning in them, to sweat like this in inhumane. we're supposed to drink what 8 glasses of water a day? thats on a normal day, how many are we supposed to drink on a day like this when you sweat out 5 pounds every hour? there are going to be a lot of dehydrated people in the city this week.

on friday, i am boarding an airplane headed westward. no, i'm not going to L.A, nor do I really have any desire to go to L.A which is strange because it was home for so long. next month it will be a year since i've left L.A and haven't visited with no REAL desire to go there. the only reason i'd want to go there would be to see the shitty, the asian, the virgin, the barber, xian, etc... but, i just haven't made it there yet. friday, i'll be landing in portland for the weekend. i'm told we will be going camping and i may or may not have to entertain myself monday until about 6pm. not clear on that one yet... but, regardless i'm endlessly happy about this weekend.

im not working for gg anymore and my life uses less and less of the internet these days (not to mention, my computer is on its last legs and i have no internet at home for the time being) so i will be round these parts less and less. i've got a lot of shit on my plate and its all shit that i want to be on my plate but, most of it is like... steak and mashed potatoes and corn so it leaves very little room for cranberry sauce, gravy and other such condiments. anyway, i'm sure what i'm laying down is being picked up. busybusybusy.

in other news, todd casey is amazing and so are porcelain, apnea, 'hollywood' and amber marie (even though i don't know amber marie). if you have not yet looked, please see porcelain's journal.

also, i don't have any blond in my hair anymore. i've joined normal society with one single hair color for the first time in 4 years.

i'm potentially having a photography show in new york sometime this fall, i'm potentially starting school in a month, i'm in the midst of getting my GED (cause i was a fool when i was young and didn't do that), i'm moving foward at my salon, i got the shift's i wanted at my bar, i'm meeting more people and i'm generally quite pleased with everything.

i've been thinking lately, this whole blogging thing. lots of people do it, some are entertaining, few are entertaining enough to return to read and really... is blogging teedering on the fence of ultimate narcissism and whatever may be on the other side of that fence? i'm pretty sure it is. like, why the fuck does anyone care to read about what i am doing with my life? or same goes for anyone else really... i think unless it actually pertain's to the person who may be reading it, it really isn't that interesting for the most part. i can think of 5 blogs off the top of my head that i'd be interested in reading always, all of those people are directly related to me and they are people i don't see everyday but, i used to.

what do you think?

-erin.

the other day i was driving up to the quack quack barn and i wrote this huge tangent about how music is so dissapointing lately and nothing has any substance and how our generation has next to nothing to be proud of musically.  needless to say (because its not posted) my sidekick signed me out of godsgirls before it posted my rant.  i was very upset about this.

now, the quack quack barn in photo :
















i need more vacations like this.
i work too much.

september, nyc, photography.  there's a hint.

xo.
-erin.

hi,

i'd really rather be smoking right now but i have little battery life left on my computer and i want to update before i put it off for another few days.  anyway, things have been lovely.  this past weekend i did makeup on my dear friend vanessa's first music video.  some of the shot's ended up amazing.  the concept has to do with the photographer nan goldin.  i reccomend this book :



i've been reading a lot lately.  read the new chuck palahniuk book 'rant'.  it was pretty good but, i'm going to have to go back and read it again.  its futuristic way's confuse me.  i just finished reading my first tom robbins book last night.  he's great i've decided. 

i got some old photos ive had hanging out on my camera :






sir picnic is said to be in the area soon.... *cough*

i really need to get a new computer.  my d button is gone so i have to press this little nubby thing to get it type a d.  my screen is about to go... i went home last night and my computer wouldn't turn on and i was convinced it was over, i had accepted its end but, after taking the battery off and putting it back on it worked.  thank god.  i've had the thing for 3 years and use it everyday.  i want a macbook.  i've been saving all my change to get a new one but god knows how much change that will take.

i move at the end of the month into most likely the most beautiful place ever.  its a giant loft.  3 bedrooms and i am only going to have one roomate (who travels quite a bit).  i can't wait.  but, this moving business has left me poor as all hell.  good thing i don't have to pay rent until august. 

i have many sketch books/journals that i often write in (one of the pictures above is a page from one of my books).  I write all kinds of weird shit, i attempt to draw and paint.  here is something i wrote a while back :

"I could hear the screaming from the room beside mine.  It was like someone was killing her.  Ripping her insides out.  It was such an emotional scream, distinguishable.  I've heard her scream like this before.  I was tempted to try to see through the crack in the door... to see what would make someone feel the need to belt out that loud.  I want to know what's so special about what he's doing, how is he holding her? is he fast?  is he slow?  I have to go to sleep.  I have school in the morning, I didn't finish my math homework.  I cant get the sound of her scream's out of my head.  I'll fall asleep, I'll put a pillow over my head.  Its alright, I'm going to stop listening now.

8:06am.  I hate the sound that my alarm clock makes and have for years but i'm too lazy to replace it.  She's sitting at the kitchen table with her black coffee and newspaper when I get downstairs, her hair is put up loosely and she's wearing that silk housecoat that barely covers her body.  She's made me coffee and egg's.  I will sit down beside her without saying a word and eat my egg's.  I cant help but feel somewhat betrayed again.  I hate everything about her yet, what can I do?  I'm weak and she's beautiful.  She feels my stare cold on the side of her head.  "why are you giving me that look? is your coffee cold?"  If i don't get out of here right now, I swear I will smack her.  is my coffee cold.  HA! 

My nights consist of listening to her fucking god knows who and wondering, will she ever just shut the fuck up?  What if I just go in there and choke her to death with her pillow while slamming her face with a big brick?  Would I be able to hide the body as to not go to jail?  Will anyone notice her being gone?  Who would miss her anyway... she doesn't work, she doesn't have a steady boyfriend (just randoms she finds at the sleazy bar's she spends almost all of her time in), she hasn't spoken to her parents in years.  She could just... disapear."

I don't really remember writing that but, i like it. 

a photo from a recent wrestling match i had pre-french class the other day (yes, i take french classes) :

(i know its tiny, i want a bigger copy.  working on it.)



anyway, i guess that's all for now.  tell me a joke or something.

xo.
-erin.

people are unreliable.

people tend to dissapoint more than they impress.

people will use you for anything they can get out of you.

people will only help you to make themselves feel better.

people will take advantage of you at any given chance.

good thing there are only a select few people like this in my life.  the ones who are like that... why do you make the world more difficult than it needs to be?

i want to go on a vacation soon, things are getting redundant.

that's all for now.

-erin.

so, i'm at one job about to leave to go to the other job and my friend michael sent me some pictures so i thought i'd share :

this is me and the shitty (jorma a.k.a chazz) beimng in love forever. 







in other news, i bought 2 things on ebay today which i probably shouldn't have but at least the purchases were under 50$.  Helloooooo old man gold casio watch.  I await for your arrival and I will love you everyday.

Its sad that some people forget about you if you're not in their face everyday.  Out of sight, out of mind is a true statement and that bums me out.  I hate when friendships dwindle into non existance.  I suppose this is life.

I colored my hair again, its darker this time.  Almost black but, not quite.

Getting weird looks from the bosses, gotta go.

I'm more in love with chelsea today than I was yesterday.  make her pretty things and send her presents today.

xo.
-erin.

remember when we used to make adventures and fun things? 

so, i'm going to start with this, my feet smell so fucking bad right now, it is completely insane.  I took my shoes off at 8pm when I got home and it is now 12:30 and I can STILL smell my feet from here.  It kind of makes me want to gag.  I suppose thats what happens when you wear shoes for 2 days with no socks on.  oh well.

anyway, the party this past week was fun... i got to meet shayna, porcelain and i had the pleasure of seeing charlotte, leona (who are both still here) and stoya again.  catra was going to come up but, alas, things happen with rides and it didn't work out very well.

i drunkenly remember talking to a certain member who i beleive i gave many buttons/sticklers to.  we baked 8 million cupcakes to bring to the party, had a beach ball, stickers, buttons and dvd sampler 7 day trial thingies that chelsea mailed to me.  there are photos bouncing around somewhere that i will get ahold of and post. 

i'm sleepy.  i'm exhausted really.  my body is about ready to kill me.  i really need my day off tomorrow. 

jorma has been in town the past few days and its been epic.  i love that shitty so much, we're on a permalovefest.  saw mastadon last night, skot from the blows was there which was rather surprising.  i don't know where he dissapeared to but what are you gonna do.  i was on my way to the trig.com party when finally i got smacked with a wave of "you're starving and if you don't eat you're going to fall over" which then followed with "now, you need to sleep and if you don't you're going to be miserable". 

this is my favorite street in brooklyn because of those flags :



anyway, some pictures from the party should be up on metro212.com and drivenbyboredom.com sometime soon.  i think shayna's going to send me a bunch too.  we <3 dimitry.

also, expect some upcoming DIY sets...

xo.
-erin.
sleep now body... you have to study tomorrow - G.E.D

so i finally got the flyer for the party this wed!!



come out to it.
it will be fun.
jorma gets here today, leona gets here tomorrow and me and charlotte have been being in love.
life is good.

work today.
im making panini's for dinner.

xox.
-erin.

i am sitting here waiting for charlotte and talking to chelsea on the phone and thought i should post something fun.

here are some facts about stuff :

• i re-named toryn's dog "tinkerbell"


• i want nothing to do with fish ever.  i dont eat them, i dont like them.  they are not my friend.


• i haven't been back to toronto in almost 2 years and i hate that.


• i haven't been to l.a since september which is the longest i haven't been there in 3 1/2 years and i don't miss it.


• since mine and chelsea's set went live together, we've been deeply in love.


• i see kate on average at least once a month which i love.


• the screen on my iBook is about to break and everyday I pray for it to be alright


• I am obsessed with music of all klinds. 
  


• Im wearing 2 items of clothing that annaliese gave me.


• In one of chesleas new sets, she is wearing something I gave her when she moved to L.A because she had no clothes.


• I am supposed to wear glasses when I read, drive and sit on the computer.  I only wear them when I cant see.


• Charlotte was the only model who came to L.A last year that stayed at my house.  She sent me a post card from S.F


• I've been working for godsgirls for over a year.


• Brenna lived with Kate and I for about 2 months


• I have "chazz" tattooed on my wrist in an anchor for my best friend Jorma.


• I've ridden my bike over the williamsburg bridge 4 times.  Tonight was one of them.


• I've never met Wren in person but I feel like I have.


• Nadja is my neighbor and she's got a hot ass. 
  


• The first time I met Darenzia, she wore cut off jean shorts, a button up shirt and stiletto's to starbucks in Hollywood.


• Ava reminds me of a friend of mine who just passed away.  I told her that when she shot with Steen.


• Leona, Chelsea, Annaliese and I all share the same cupcake tattoo.


• Leona and my husband are in love.


• Issa is the best present giver ever.  I have purple unicorn socks that she sent me for xmas that I haven't worn cause I'm saving them for a special occasion.  I also have a drawing she did for me hanging on my bedroom wall.


• I was in a house explosion when I was 15 years old and I only have one scar from it.  On the bottom of my foot.


• My hair is brown now, not red.


• I have a sewing machine that I haven't used in 2 months because I'm scared it will blow the electricity in my apartment... again.


• I used to own a brown valure couch.  I miss it.


• Sometimes I stutter.  Its funny.


• The poem on my left forearm is by Robert Service.  My grandpa used to read it to me when I was young.


• Me and my grandpa used to make wooden knives and wooden sailboats when I was young.


• I once ate this stuff called 2ci and climbed a tree in my underwear, flip flops and a pea coat.  I had to fall out of the tree cause I couldn't figure out how to get down. 
  


• I love poutine and miss it very much.


• I have 3 jobs.


• I have 2 weddings to go to this winter.  One in S.F and one in Kansas City.


• I knit.  I love knitting.  I have books on knitting and an assortment of knitting needles.


• I started taking yoga... often.


• I write most of the set descriptions.


• I don't have my high school diploma (but I'm taking my GED real soon for school)


• I used to drive an expedition.  I loved it.


• I met Adneris in Orlando and she listened to me bitch aboud a dude for a good part of the night.  We bonded. 
  


• Erica took pictures of me once and she did a really awesome job.


• Mary and I have met a bunch of times before but only really just started actually talking recently.


• I saw Apneatic & Picnic a couple weeks ago.  We had breakfast together.  It was lovely.


• Stoya's skin is incredibly perfect.


• Catra and I spent 3 months together in a van once.  We also did the saliva video together.  I've known her for almost 4 years.


• I dragged Dayna on stage with me at a bar in Portland and took all her clothes off once.


• I made skin talk "scottish" for me when I met her.  I thought I lost her on an airline and screamed at the airline she took cause they wouldn't tell me if she was on the flight or not.


• I have a nickname from my past that still haunts me.


• I like R&B  and cried when Aaliyah died.


• I cant eat anything spicy.  It ruins me. 
  

• I had a funeral for myself in 5th grade.  I layed on a satin sheet while people put those yellow flower like weed's on me.

So, I ran out of stuff to type.  I don't want to bare it all I guess, hahaha. 

For some reason I've gotten hip to capitolizing the beginning of my scentences.  I have no idea why but, with this, I've apparenlty forgotten how to spell.

Once again, I sent out the GG logo today for the flyer for High Voltage next week.  Get ready kids.  Its gonna be a lot of fun.  Word on the street is Kill Hannah will be there and so will myself and a bunch of other ladies brining goodies.  I have to go wash my makeup brushes now cause I got a client tomorrow. 

xo.
-erin.

i want charlotte to get here already so we can order delivery and cuddle.

so, this past sunday i was in a competition at the aveda school to see if i could win a scholarship. 

low and behold, i won a 2,000 scholarship because of my awesome model.  I didn't get very many pictures which bums me out. my camera has decided to be a prick and only work half the time but, whatever.  i got a couple polaroids and i like polaroids a lot better than normal pictures. 

i'm at the salon, i got my hair cut earlier today.  washed some heads.  rode my bike to work.  want to ride my bike some more but, i have to stay here and of course there is a 7pm appointment and like basically nothing in the middle of the day.  inconsiderate jerks.  haha... ah, this is life.

godsgirls radio starts soon.  my girlfriend (chelsea) is co-hosting with annaliese.  you should go listen to it.

remember when i thought i'd have time to have a radio show in new york?  yeah, i'm nuts, i barely have time to breath but, i guess it should be this way because sometime in the next 3 years i will make a million dollars and only have to work for entertainment.  (i should learn how to spell million before i go making one.  i just had to correct my spelling)

i really want a vacation but i wont be able to do it until the end of the summer.  i want to do it before shcool starts cause i'm gonna be stuck here forever once it does.  maybe puerto rico, maybe i'll be able to finally go home and visit toronto... who knows. 

okay, i gotta get back to washing hair and booking appointments.

i miss katie. 
jorma gets here soon.
charlotte gets here sooner.
leona gets her soon too. 
yay visitors.

xox.
-erin.

p.s - NEW YORK GODSGIRLS PARTY MAY 16TH AT HIGH VOLTAGE. (SUTRA - 1ST AV AND 1ST STREET) i'll post the flyer as soon as i get it.

fin.

stupid surveys.  stupid girl surveys.  fuck.  i'm at work... maybe i should be doing something else?
naaaah, survey it is.

1. What color is the bra you have on now?
its pink and its not mine. 

2. Do you ever lie about your age?
no, i haven't done that since i was 13 hanging out with my cousins older friends.

3. Do you prefer "sensitive boys" or "tough guys"?
oh dear.  what does this even mean.

4. Do you prefer blonde or dark haired guys?
blond... neh.  its alright sometimes but not often.  i like the dark.

5. Are you currently single?
newwwp. 

6. How many things in your past do you regret?
um.  is there where i go off on some tangent about how you should never regret anything you do because blah blah female empowerment bullshit rah rah rah?

7. Do you have a best friend?
fuck yeah i do, i'm special, i got like 10.  (more like 4ish)

8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
a ballerina.

10. Who was the last person you hugged?
sean.

11. Have you ever had your heart broken?
yeah and i finally got over it.

12. Have you ever thought about having plastic surgery?
labiaplasty.  HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. 

13. Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't?
yeah, jude law, drew barrymore, leo dicaprio (when he was like 14)... i think i would seriously give a limb to get with jude law.  a finger, a pinky... the left one?  no.. the right.

14. Do you like your life?
HAHAHhahahahHHAHhAHHAhhaha... what??? yes.  i do.

15. Do you shop at Hollister?
what is hollister?  i only shop at hot topic.

16. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?
newp.

17. Has one of your friends ever stabbed you in the back?
um, i don't think so.  i block out those memories.  haha.

18. Did you forgive them?
shut up.

19. Who is your first best friend?
patricia boily in senior kindergarten.  she had that hated me.

21. How long have you had myspace?
uhh.

22. Have you ever skipped school?
definately skipped a lot of school.  i got kicked out of 6th grade.  how does that happen?

24. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
definately.  i was a troubled child.

25. What is one of your biggest fears?
fire.

27. Has anyone close to you ever passed away?
kind of.

28. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
um. sure?

29. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?
this question is so dumb.   times 2.

30. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
stupid.

31. What color are your underwear?
white.


32. What is your screen name?
uh.  no.

33. So far, do you like this survey?
bleh.

34. Have you ever had a good feeling about something and was right about it?
these questions are getting progressively dumber and dumber.

35. Do you ever wish you were famous?
nooo thank you.

36. Do you ever wish you were a man?
i've totally wished for a penis sometimes.  but, other than that... i don't think i'd rather be a man.  i like tits.

37. Do you think men will open this just because it's labeled Female survey?
oh dear. 

well, that was not as satisfying as i always think they are going to be.

maybe i'll post something later.  thanks for the kind words on the new set. :)

xox.
-erin.