GodsGirl : elsa > journals > reading "friendship"
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so i would like to consider myself to be mostly realistic. and really ive never been good at making and keeping friends. i get asked 'wheres the off button?' people need breaks from me, they think get out of control. that i am too violent. honestly it gets hard sitting at home for a week in a row with the phone not ringing.....people not calling me, not calling me back.....having no way to make friends due to the fact im fucking imbalanced it gets fucking hard. but then some days i think if i wasn't this way i wouldnt have any friends at fucking all. its a fucking struggle man and it totally destroys me when the world takes a break from the party. im am very lucky to have ryan and panic, but my room mate got a life this summer and disappears...and im glad for him..but i still secretly wish we were exclusively each other friends. no girls allowed ha ha. i dont get seasonal deppression but i get stir crazy reallly hard really easy.
ryan asks "well do you want to move to back to boston"
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FUCKING NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
i burned too many bridges there, and i needed to get out of the rut of doing heroin in the same apartment, and pasing out on the cat pisssed on couch everynight..... i mean i love messy, and a few others....but i could live without most of them. i dont really have a family. i have my dad...who is finally starting to live life so im not realy in the picture. i want him to be happy.....but again its me.....waiting in line for my turn. sorry about this poor me rant. ive been sitting in the house eating cheese burgers (vegan in case there are some of you who need clarification ever thought you all know im vegan) and passing out on pain killers.....
yeah rememeber when i was gunna calm down and sober up....that didn't last long ha ha.
i love you all, thanks for always making me feel better when i get fucked up,
elsa
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elsa
um i thought we were already friends?!?! i gave you a sick gift i made you and told you how smart and pretty i thought you were and how when i grow up i wanna be you!!!!! but you don't live in seattle and i don't live in l.a so we can't have sleep overs very often ha ha!!!
Anya
as far as i "know" you i think you're pretty awesome! if i was over there i'd call you all the time, i'd call you more than you'd want me to call you, like "elsaaaaaaa, i love youuuu!" and then you'd say "hang up the fucking phone it's 6 in the morning!" yep, that's how it would be :D
elsa
no way...id be like sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep ooooooooooooooovers duh!
Anya
sounds like to much fun ;) ( i am having a bit of a rough time,too. we'll get better, i am sure.)
Nicolette
i definitely feel this way lots. when i run into "friends" of mine, it's always "let's do something soon. blah. blah." but then no one calls. not one person tries to make plans. even when i tell them all "I'll be at this bar at this time" no one shows up. it's hard and confusing. more confusing than men sometimes.
elsa
my husband likes touring, sex and jamison. my friends...well some of them i cant figure it out? you know?
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i thought you were extremely charismatic when we met and i would like to be your friend.