GodsGirl : ellie > journals > reading "evolve"
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Hey everyone,
I'm sitting here biting my nails trying to think of where to start.
Litle has changed in my physical routine that couple of weeks...i mean....i wake up, eat, go about the day....and then, i almost feel like someone has just, without warning, shoved me into some sort of mental wakening. That doesn't mean i've figured any answers, but something is coming to me.
I ended a relationship i was in for 2 years...we'd lived together for prettyt much that entire time....but
i'll be moving ino my own apartment on friday.
it's all happening fast, and i'm glad, because i'm very used to playting the waiting game.
But's its crazy...i'm not second guessing myself like i alwas do, i'm not down, i'm only ready to go...ready to learn and be enlightened.
Sometimes I struggle with feeling like a disgusting, selfish person, but you know....we are selfish, and we live a short bit of time. and we're all just trying to live and get what there is to get from living. i need to experience something shiny and new, and i can kind of see it out the corner of my eye.
i have butterflies in my stomach.
a change is going to happen, and i'm not sure what it is. but my intuition isn't shaky at this moment, and i feel dead on that it's good.
also last night something happened. i don't know really how to talk about it, but i have to wonder what will come of it.....hmmm....
i'm just full of emotions, and thoughts, feeling, ideas, colors...things are vivid and fresh, and my eyes are sleepy, but they seem wider....it's almost overwhelming. i feel like a baby.
I guess I'll just keep walkin, y'know?
<3,
ellie
Viewing 14 comments on this page
Ellie
You are exactly right.
<3
xMangox650x
i feel like my adrenaline is rushing just from reading this haha
i wish i could do something like that, im in need of a lot of change
Spiralchord
I remember feeling that almost a year ago. It was complex and heady. Can't be explained by simply saying "epiphany" or "finding myself" or other cliche shit like that. I tried some new things that I always wanted to and got surprisingly far doing them. I still feel that way now, but it's more grouned. I know I have lots and lots of tough work ahead. And it doesn't bother me because I feel like I'm going the right way. Trust me, it's not selfish at all; I realized that after a bunch of shit went wrong with the things I was leaving behind.
I don't know if it was the same for you, but I do know that all of that headiness feels just right.
Kohen
I wish I had that feeling! lol My life is so boring.
Ellie
no, it isn't. and i think you only ge that feeling when its time to..yt'know?
Kohen
I don't see how my life could get any more boring. I don't do anything. I am going out Friday night though... that will be a new experience. haha
I want to move. I want new experiences... lots of them. I haven't lived enough yet.
TommyCinLA
WHen I feel like you do in this Journal entry.... I get myself in trouble. I do something completely out of character and it's good, but not me and usually gets me n trouble. Sometimes it's good trouble and sometimes... well... welcome the butterflies... they seem to open doors.
Josepha
Whatever my coma and whatever experiences you will make... I cross fingers that you have fun and I really want some great things happen to you... :) <3
FLIPZ5
as long as you're feeling good about the coming change, you'll do just fine.
good for you, best wishes!
tyvo454
Sometimes it feels surreal to keep walkin, but here's to the best in the future! <3
That's a nice picture of you, BTW :)
Elliott
Man thats so weird, I saw you guys and then a couple days later yall were breaking up. :(
We should hang out again soon at your new place!! Do you know about Houston yet?
xoxo
Edda
i feel that way at the moment. it's i don't know, like shedding your skin. and giving birth to yourself. perpetually. redefining the coordinates, retracing the lines. i hope all goes well for you.. <3
Therese
You are so strikingly pretty!
It's true that humans are selfish.. But i think there's a bad and a good selfish, because sometimes you need to be in order to be happy for & about yourself. :] I love this entry!
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Ending a relationship like that is like waking up from a dream. Such a strange feeling.
<3