Violet's journals

hey out there

so i havent written in forever again.

im so bad at keeping these things up.

were fianally getting some sunlight here in portland oregon. i still love it here.

recent i quit my corporate bullshit job ...i made a bunch of money but i just hated it and i hated being at work allll thedamntime.

so i went back to being a full time dancer and i finished school fianally. i love it although i am tired of being sore all the time. ive lost all that chubby fat i had in my corners and i feel pretty good. i have 1.5 million trips planned for this year and so far ive already been to la and phoenix. im hitting up south by southwest and burning man again and i think im probably going to new york sometime around the begining of the summer.

men and me just dont seem to work anymore, who knows why. it doenst make any sense and ive come to the conclusion that at 26 years old im just not meant to have a partner. oh well, more money and time for me!

well its late here in ole portland oregon, im going to bed. nice to see you out there in internet land.

i have not been here for a while.

lemme see, ive totally not been modeling atall lately, ive been working on makeup work and school lately. i would love to put up another set on here,maby i will whip one up.

i love where i live in portland although im still a little smooshy on the social circut. im workin on it though. ive been keeping so busy with dance,work,makeup,school and trying to maintain a clean house and social life. its so fun buti never get to relax :( thats okay though.

all i want to do is travel,i quit my job as a flight attendant over a year ago and i really miss it,but i dont miss being that broke atall.

im thinking of using my licence to go work under a plastic surgeon so i can make better money than the average bear.

im actually single for the first time in years,it feels pretty weird waking up next to my cat every day, but at least she doesnt give me greif every day off the week. and i have so much more time to work on other things, which is really nice. the no constant bootay really throws me off though, thats a adjustment in itself. fortunatly most men understand the fact they really dont have to call me right now...no really.

well im going to go check out the fourms. and then sleep...and wake up next to my cat.

the good things going on are i am financially stable, seeing someone that knows how to make me blush like a little girl and i have everything i need rite now. not to mention im skinny and my hair looks really good :)

lemme see, everything else. well ive been fighting five fucking tickets in the circut court out here. some cop pulled me over on the burnside bridge for going 13 miles over the speed limit and gave me two tickets im going to get dismissed. he gave me a ticket for no licence although i gave him one and told him i had only been in portland for two weeks , so technically it wont hold up, then he gaveme one for no proof of insurance cuz my cards were expired, i got proof that i was covered at the time, then i got one for 13 miles over the speed limit(lameo),going to have to pay that one,then i got two parking tickets, one was when my car was paid up on the meter and the sticky came off the window into the passengers seat, i gave th court a copy of that, and one was for parking over the yellow line although if i backed up i would have hit the car behind me, although he had no ticket, im going to fight that one. anyway i also failed my oregon drivers test because i really dont know the state laws here, so im going to have to ready the booklet like a 16 year old. it was so much easier in arizona, i could just pay them and that was it.

my birthday was pretty low key. i was feeling really drained and dead emotionally so i just took it easy. jaime had a local pinup artist illustrate me . the guy draws comics and draws pinups and he wants me to come model for him too. yay fun! im totally excited for that. and the drawing is so pretty. it was a seriously well thought out gift. made me blush.

this weekend i got to go to the shore. it was freezing!!! but its very beautiful here, although id have to say nothing beats the mexico beaches.

ive applied for a couple of transferes at work. so far not to much can pay what i want. ill just keep looking untill i find something that fits.

im going to go to estethics school pretty soon, i can do only saturdays at a local school. i really want that licence. also i dont want to work for comcast forever!

ive gone though some phases of really missing jonathan, but then he says things that really drive home why i left. its been pretty hard on me, i dont know why, but im not going to focus on the past like that and let it ruin a happy future.

well thats all for now. im going to go read my stupid oregon booklet and maby clean my icky bathroom.

hope everyone had a good weekend :)

okay so i stayed home sick today, first time ever not going in atall at comcast to my shift, but i watched all three of the old star wars movies and let me fucking tell you, george lucas needs to stop fucking with the originals. he took out the ewok yub yub song and he took out all these total classic scenes! then souped it up with all this awful cgi, i mean i understand putting deleated scenes in but dont take the classics out. it took so much out of my stharh warths expeirence. so now its my new quest to go get the old movies, even if i have to rescue them on vhs, before george lucas gets his scrubby hands on every copy of star wars out there.

oh yeh and they changed the end when luke sees the spirits of the jedi , where the actor who played his father stood they put that ass hat who played anakin in the last flick there, um dude he wasnt even born in 1983. lammeee!

i have all weekend off. what am i going to do?

jonathan and i are going to his dads in washington next week for thanksgiving, im totally looking foward to it too, its going to be freezing up there cuz he lives by crystal mountain or whatever that place is.

ok im going to watch more tv like a loozah now.

okay thank you all so much for commenting on my sets, i really appreciate it.

lately ive been such a working machine, i think i live to work right now. ive just been makin money, i actually get to use on e of my vacation days next monday, thank god! i cant wait to take a three day weekend! i have no idea what im going to do but then again i dont care. i wish i still had airline benefits at times so i could just go out of town when i had time off.

i just got done reading around the world in a bad mood. it made me miss being a flight attendant, three years of that, ive never worked a job that long . i wouldof stayed if i didnt work for the shittiest ariline in the world.

anyway, with christmas just around the corner i have no idea what to get anyone. any ideas? jonathan and i have been toget for six months, every year i get my boyfriends some killer gift, buti dont know waht to get him. i already bought him the book he wants. uhh what to do??

okay im going to go fold exciting laundry!

so i went to sallys today, totally sick of my hair, got a color stirping kit and stripped the black out, twice, i wouldov done better with bleach cuz i got orange, booooo!

so i threw some pink on it. well i mean i spring the money for pink, now its more of a orange haha. its actually cute but ottally not waht i was looking for. i so miss being a red head cuz i could bleach all this fun stuff into my hair. also here in portland its hard for me to keep my hair straight and perfect as i had it in phoenix, so most of the time i feel like i look homeless . ive spent so much money this week, im glad i had it but there is just always something new to do . after i finish putting stuff in my new place downtown , i need a little couch and some space saving stuff from ikea, i have to get on top of winter clothes , i am constantly in a oversized hoodie cuz it jonathans and its the warmest thing that i have.

ok i hae to walk like a fucking mile to my car every day , its nice but it sucks when i want to do simple things like go to the beauty supply.

last night i didnt party or anything, i was beat, but i couldnt sleep till jonathan rolled over and started to cuddle me. hes been super stresed out cuz he works all the time you know, i cant wait till he is settld in down the hall from me so we can go party with all the extra money we make.

so the cool thing is while its all rainy and dark, i got my cable installed yesterday. i work for comcast so i get our nicest products for free, so i have wireless connecting that is provided by my apartents and i have a cable connection provided by comcast , as well as every station known to man. FEARNET on demand i have, all day i had ali g on and after i got sick of that i got into the fearnet movies, so sweet , so many good horror movies. but serously i want a girlie friend over here so we can consume jack daniels and watch bloody movies. the windows in my place are bigger than me and it takes all my strength to put them up, but i can listen to the rain, its way cool.

tonight i want to go out with miss cocodaver for her birthday, i suppose i should drop her a line.

hmmm thats it for now. <3

well of course ive been very busy with work lately, im working all this overtime in the next two weeks, i was the top performer in my department last week but this week sucks donkey ballz so i need to make up where the comission wont come.

im moveing downtown next week, wow , i cant believe it. across the street from my favorite bar in a pretty nice part of downtown, jon will be my neighbor and i have a loft , its like sleeping in a treehouse.

my friend chester is in town this weekend, there are two parties and all this crap going on, i feel kindov disoriented cuz i dont know what to do first and on top of it have to move my crap downtown at some point.

last night i got very drunk, i wanted to throw up and i couldnt im so bloated today i just want to die die die.

well yeh, there other stuff going on but im not sure what to say right now cuz im tired. nini

well its looking like i maby sicker than i thought. so i dont really feel like talking to anyone or writing anything. bleh

okay so im looking for a place to live downtown right now and its so much fun, ik not really. parking down there sucks so im lookijng in some of the very close areas. ive cabeen down sick for almost a week now and i cant wait for my voice to come back. its hard working at a call center when your voice is dying.

work is good i like it there, i won a dvd player a week ago and a dvd.

ok im so tired , ready for bed.

dude i miss it there, i miss my fucking friends so bad, i cried the way back from denver.

i am fianally living alone , work is takeing up alot of my time wehich is a good thing but bad cuz im not haveing any time to go work out or anything . tommrow im woking some overtime, i need the extra cashola.

saturday jon and me went to casey moores and got some good day drinking going on, sean brought everyone with him and made me feel so special. and i got to see ruthie and merrill too, i am soo double lonely in portland now. i kindov want to move back but i guess im stuck in this hipster paradise now:P i remember my frist visit back to san diego when after i moved to phoenix and i felt the same way although moveing to phx was kindov a do or die situation when i was a teenage. now i just feel really lonely and i really dont want to be all clingy on jonathan.

im tyiping from a new laptop, well new for me. its so nice to have one, but now i have to find places with wi fi till my internet at home is hooked up, which will hopefully be soon,

my apartment is empty, and oh yes united managed to break every retro dish i hold dear to me all in one box. some fuck tard had to have threw it to the ground to get it to break like that, when i opened the box up i wanted to scream , all my pretty retro dishes and my hanging ashtray were all shattered to little bits and pieces. im never ever flying on united again, fuck them and their stuffy staff.,

well thats all i have to say for now, i think im going to try to sneak in a work out before i go hang out alone and go to bed.