GodsGirl : Stefa > journals > reading "Preview #2 & model dilemma "

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Preview #2 & model dilemma posted : 03/04/13 at 07:30am pst listening to:Fizz snoring

I don't know if other girls have experienced this when it comes to model related stuff but I lack motivation. I go through phases of 5 shoots a month to none for a year. I signed with Spirit Model Management early last year and since then I've got really REALLY lazy. 

They've put me through to auditions a couple times but each time the client cancelled the shoot/vid auditions which I totally get - that happens and can't be helped but It's left me kinda bumed. I'd get really excited about it, prepare for days and even post about it then get a 'canceled' email and i feel like a right knob end posting about it and getting excited. Obviously this is just one of those things in that line of work and I've learnt to not get ahead of myself, I'd wait until I have a job booked before I open my trap.

I've been doing TF for 6 years on and off, at times I'd really push my self out there and book a load of shoots... then I'd flake off. I never let photographers down and I'm super quick at replying but I'm lazy as hell now.

I have social anxiety disorder, though you wouldn't notice it if you met me. I hide it pretty well though in my mind I'm super super anxious around new folks which I think contributed to my stop-start potential modeling life. 

I clam up on shoots sometimes, especially if I'm in something awkward and uncomfortable; strangely when I'm nude it's the complete opposite. I'm far more comfortable in my own skin than clothing haha. Logically it would make more sense to go for nude shoots with photographers, but I'm very warious of who I'd shoot with. I've only been shot by male photographers and on most occasions they've been lovely and make me feel comfortable but there has been times where I've felt comments were not 'professional'.

Photographers have said 'sexy' or something else around those lines which most times sounds fine and is in line with whats going on and 'professional'; but there has been times where it's made be feel uneasy and 'cheap' (even though they're clothed shoots!). Because of my anxiety with people I analyse everything said/going on to a T. I'm incredibly aware of my surrounding so I can easily be thrown off by something untoward.

Something which really holds me back is the 'chaperone' thing (no idea how you spell it). If your working as a professional model you can't bring a friend along to a shoot as it looks totally unprofessional, and I feel hesitant to even ask TF photographers if I can bring a friend along because of this. Bringing to my point - nude shoots - no idea how I'd do that, I'd love to do it but I'm scared shitless of getting another GWC. There's a photographer I've shot with a couple of times who is professional and a lovely person so I could ask him to do it, but I can't stay with one photographer forever. 

I feel like I have so much to give and go mental on shoot days but my anxiety can play up and I get stiff. It's really frustrating that I can't just 'let go' and if I was to start looking for paid shoots I have to be fully 'loose' and give them their moneys worth and then some. I don't know if I should quit trying, the only way to get anywhere is to self-promote like crazy and approach photographers. but I'm a clam. You get exp by shooting with randoms off model portfolio sites but I'm scared I'll get more GWCs (that means 'guys with cameras'; dudes who use photography approach girls/see them naked if you didn't know!)... its different shooting with professionals and being booked through agencies but I can't get the coverage without seeking randoms.

Such a jar! I LOVE GG though, you get to know each other and shoot yourself on most occasions so you have absolute freedom which is exactly what I need. The DIYs I've shot could be shot a lot better but it's all learning and will only get better from practice. I plan on focusing exclusively on GG for now and  who knows, my confidence may increase and I can start seeking stuff out elsewhere.

Long arse word-y blog ends here. I'm going to start making these more 'picturific' and pleasing on the eye in future. Hate to bore with mass chunks of text.

Now for set 2 preview! I've 2 more left to preview and will show on subsequent blogs. I fucking hate repeating this but ID is still absent, it took 2 months just to get the counter signatory done as my lecturer was off sick with my form for LONG. It will be soon though I promise promise promise!

April is the month I can feel it in my face

 

                                              photo PREV2_zps68bf0a57.jpg 

                                              photo PRE1_zps60035dba.jpg

XOXOX

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Stacey-Beth
03/04/13 09:33am pst

 I can't wait for this set, too!!  Gurl, I feel you so much on the motivational aspect of shooting.  I'm in that same funk.  Have been for a couple of  months.  Like I was telling you the other night on chat!  Blah!  We need to get out of the funks and shoot the nudes! <3

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Psylentmike
03/04/13 10:51am pst

Yes please.  I will make sacrifices to whatever gods will help Stacey and Stefa get out of their shooting funks. 

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Stefa
03/05/13 06:14pm pst

 Hells yeah!! xxx

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Psylentmike
03/05/13 06:33pm pst

haha Both of you together would be even better.

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Stefa
03/05/13 06:13pm pst

 Ahhh tell me about it! we should just get nude and spark a booby revolution!! :D

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Martini07
03/04/13 02:13pm pst

beautiful

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BradSabbath
03/04/13 03:42pm pst

 Great previews... 

 

 http://sadderbutwiser.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/big-anxiety.jpg

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Laura
03/04/13 06:47pm pst

Woot so excited!

I can totally understand where you're coming from, I also have a lot of anxiety about people in public, that's why I like the net so much lol. I wouldn't call it unprofessional to bring someone along as long as you check with the photographer first! I find a lot of photographers want to meet up for coffee anyway, then I can decided whether I like the vibes or not before getting naked!

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Stefa
03/05/13 06:24pm pst

I've had a few I've met up with first but normally its straight to it. Its more professional sort of sense, my agency contacted me about a commercial in Spain; i'd have to fly out alone and do everything 'alone' I would of got over £2000 for it but I really had to think about it.

I haven't got a passport yet so that was my escape but just the thought of it was really scaring me despite the money. 

Such a shit anxiety plays so much on how your feeling and what you'd want to do :( gahh!! xx

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Laura
03/05/13 10:09pm pst

 Ohhhh ok yeah I can see where someone couldn't just tag along in that case :P

Does being with an agency give you better protection than as far as you're assured it'll be a safe an professional environment

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Ezra
03/04/13 11:04pm pst

 I go through the same thing with modeling. Sometimes it's all I want to so...other times... you couldn't pay me enough to do it, haha.

That set looks great!

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Stefa
03/05/13 06:49pm pst

 Thanks :) you get me entirely xx

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Stefa
03/05/13 06:51pm pst

 Thanks :) you get me entirely xx

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blackhipster
03/05/13 02:48am pst

Personally, I’m on the verge of getting back into the groove of shooting alternative models again once I get my camera at the end of this week. I’ve been focusing on women in Model Mayhem here lately, and I’ve noticed that sometimes when I hit their “credited” photos that come from photographers they’ve previously worked with that sometimes the pictures look “cheap,” and immediately I begin to think that she fell for another GWC pervert. It would be tough to say, “only work with people you know” or “if you don’t think their portfolio is phenomenal, charge them,” because not everyone is on the same level or has the same budget… but I try to be really selective with the people I’d consider working with, and I’d hope that a model would feel the same way in regards to what I have to offer. Anyway, I’m glad you have GG as an outlet where you can shoot yourself without the need of taking risks in finding someone random, but if I’m ever back in London doing shoots, I’m most certainly going to try to get in touch with you!

 

PS, You make the Steelers look good.

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VandaliaLaRue
03/06/13 06:30am pst

WHOA. Damn. Amazing photos. <3

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