GodsGirl : Shelly > journals > reading "I wake up lonely"
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I feel so alone these days. It seems like people are avoiding me for some reason. That makes me down. Actually that might be the reason people are avoiding me. I can't even throw a party because people aren't interested in coming. Living with a roommate makes me feel alone even more. She's so messy and mad all the time. There was a week old pizza slice on the floor and it smells like shit when I came back from my hometown. All I do is clean after her and get shit for telling her I can't do it anymore. My psychological health is decreasing everyday. I want out of here, but it'll just start all over again. I need someone to come into my life and stay. They all leave, friends and lovers. I feel abused, they get what they want and they never want it again. They stay around for a reason and go away when the reason is gone. The only person not giving up trying to know me is a older guy from work who makes me feel awkward. He actually scares me a bit. I just keep attracting the people I don't want in my life. I've got no motivation to do anything whatsoever anymore. It all seems worthless. I'm lucky to have God's Girls, it's the one thing that keeps me happy. I've met wonderful people because of it and it gave me some great opportunities. But I sometimes keep away from it because I can't concentrate on the things I like, I'm sorry for that by the way. It looks like a depressive post, but it feels like the opposite to me right now. Maybe I could use this life experience to my advantage. Who would be interested in a DIY with dripping makeup? I do find that sexy, anyone else? Speaking of DIY, I finally sent in some more. There is one of them that I just love and the amazing Steam here shot them and edited them for me. She's just one of the coolest person I know right now and I hope she knows it.
Now that I made myself pitiful to you, who wants to cuddle in bed watching movies with me?
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Spawny
Don't worry about it sweetheart, life is what you make it, just remember you are in control. There is someone for you, search them out, you have some very positive things going for you so concentrate on that. You're very pretty and very sensitive I think, so you have nothing to worry about. And hey get down to Cali we'll watch movies, take care.
Spiralchord
People come and go. Sometimes you leave them behind, other times they leave you behind... it happens. Maybe you need a change of city, or of a job. Things do make a difference if you move. Don't think it'll start all over again.
Shelly
Well it was like that before I moved. My job is ok, but I'm thinking of moving back to my hometown again. And I hate leaving people behind, not only it's good to have contacts, but if they were worth knowing in the first place, they probably still are.
Spiralchord
I'd have said "leave Quebec," but Montreal's a pretty swingin' place, last I remember.
Do you mean professional or social contacts?
Shelly
I meant both and Montreal isn't as cool as I thought.
Spiralchord
That sucks (about Montreal). It may be that it's just not the town for you. Like how DC is pretty much the antithesis of my personality: Everyone works in or around politics, no one lives in the city, there's armed police everywhere, they don't allow busking and the music scene is long dead. Even though I have very good friends (and work contacts) in the area, I know that I'm pretty much stuck in a rut if I stay here. But moving out is a big risk...
Siobhan
I wanna cuddle and watch movies!! I hope things start going well for you- i'm in the same boat :(
outstandin
Shelly, you can't let that deep dark feeling inside pull you down too far, I know. It's not fair of anyone to try and make you their personal cleaning service because they're too selfish and slovenly to do it themselves. I can tell from your eloquent writing that you're an intelligent girl capable of making her own decisions, but if this person who you have to live with everyday does nothing but bring you down then you need to move out of that environment for your own well being. When friends leave the area and seem to leave you behind as well it's a crushing blow to the ego to feel like these people whom you've dedicated so much time and love to in the past no longer care. But it's good to get your feelings out there however they may be, venting it online in a blog or journal is ten times more constructive than bottling it up and letting it destroy you. Like you said, the people here on Gods Girls are here for you, to be your friends and listen and talk to you when you feel alone. Community, that's what it's all about. By the way thanks for being my friend.
Stay Warm, Kiddo.
crazyemy
Ouin.. pas super cool ca... AU moins comme tu dis ya Steam pour te remonter le moral un peu ! J'esperes vous vous voyez un peu....
Moi je suis en recherche d'appart pour montréal en juillet mais merde on dirait que nul part ils acceptent les chiens...:s On verra bien!
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I'd love to cuddle and do movies!!!! I don't have an official roomie, but my friends son needs help setting up in Hollywood so he's staying with me and that makes it better... but I feel the same about the LONELY as you! I just dont have the pizza on the floor and the old man at work!!!
I think anything you DIY will be SEXY!!!!
Damn... if you lived closer I'd be knocking on your door with strawberries, chocolate, champagne and a stack of block buster!!!!