GodsGirl : Rikki > journals > reading "im back"
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after my three month or so absence, i finally motivated myself to get on the internets and check up with everyone. a few days after my birthday in february, i was admitted into the intensive care unit after my asthma almost killed me. it was pure torture. they think it was pnuemonia, which STILL hasn't gone away. they refuse to give me a refill on my advair, the only thing keeping me alive, so for the past two months i have been bed ridden. even walking to the bathroom makes me winded and have an asthma attack. its either that or back to the hospital just so they can send me home and the cycle will begin again. i dont mean to be overly dramatic or a downer or whatever, but i am pretty much convinced that i am dieing. im crazy sick all the time and my lungs are shutting down. tj refuses to believe that i will not get better, but when its been this long... on top of that its been in the high 80s out which fucks me up even more, and my allergy medicine lasts about a quarter the time its supposed to. my life is constant pain and torture. yay!
we haven't had sex in months. i need to get laid so fucking bad. its not that i cant physically, i masterbate and im fine. but anytime i try to initiate something with tj he just backs away or does something else. god my life sucks.
ps i ripped my contact in half and shaved my head into a mohawk. yes i am going crazy.
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My mom has asthma and I saw her almost die a few times when I was a kid. If she got a chest cold it really was potentially fatal.
I'm not sure that people sometimes really get how brutal it is, we take breathing for granted. My mom has problems sometimes with people who smoke around her and won't stop even if she asks. I think between seeing her, and having some bad chest colds myself, I'm a lot more empathetic to asthma than the average person.
One thing I'd say to you -- if you feel you're not getting proper medical treatment for the situation, don't take no for an answer. The way the medical system works (if it works at all) is that you have to be a strong advocate for youself. If you feel you've been misdiagnosed and are being denied the treatment you need, then see another doctor, get a second opinion.
And I'm sorry to hear about your guy. Chances are it has to do with you being sick. Even if you feel you're ok, it may concern him, or just may turn him off. I do think he should be in your corner when it comes to getting good treatment. If you feel he hasn't been, I think it would be fair to bring that up with him.
Take care :)