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the make-up and all the other stuff does not matter, you need to realize how beautiful you are inside, and outside (without the make-up also).

glad you're going to remain active on here, while taking a break from modeling =]

I am definitely going to stay active on godsgirls.. I never became a part of this site to be a "model", it was more about the community and the freedom to express my body, regardless of my weight. I love being on here ^_^

I hope I can find some inner beauty, and inner peace.

shouldnt be too hard ;)

We're girls, we're always going to have it drilled into our heads that someone else is prettier than us, and that  we have to fight to keep up. It's terribly exhausting, and it's not fair. At the end of the day, you're still the same person whether or not your makeup is perfect or your hair is done. I think it's great you're taking some time to focus on yourself, you'll feel rejuvenated and so much better for it. I think it's inspiring when people are willing to take a good hard look at themselves and see what can be made better. Everyone has room for improvement, it's good for the soul <3

Agreed. My soul definitely needs some aid, after all my looks are going to fade with age, and what then? Will I turn to more and more surgery to keep up appearances? I'd rather work on the inside now, before it's too late.

I always admired women who aged gracefully and naturally, and whos personalities shone through at all times, despite their clothes, makeup... any kind of outward, superficial appearance.

I am sick of beauty, and how horribly difficult it is to maintain. I truly want to find something pretty inside, and show that to the world.

Good for you.

One reason I'm not sure I could ever do fashion photography for a living is because of the contortions models go through to keep their weight down.

I think I'm maybe more sensitive to it because I wrestled for a few years in school, like grades 8-11. Wrestling is all about binge/purge: you eat skinless, boiled chicken and run in plastic sweats to make weight, and then after weigh in you see guys drinking giant glasses of Pepsi and eating McDonalds. Some of those bad habits still effect me, many years later.

I'm very down with your choice to focus more on the inner you. You're a beautiful woman, I know I would be more than happy to shoot you clothed if I ever had the chance :)

And hi5 for looking for a way to do something for others. The RSPCA sounds great. I used to walk greyhounds who were waiting to be adopted, I loved that.

Keeping weight at a certain level, unless you are naturally blessed with a suitable metabolism, is so incredibly difficult. I have bad habits of bingeing and purging occasionally, I abused it in the past and was quite sick. These days my weight is normally okay unless I have a huge shoot  - then the bingeing and purging begins again. Clearly, I need to avoid doing that.

The RSPCA is amazing.... always bittersweet though.

Yeah, I feel you on the bittersweet part. You do what you can. There's always more that could be done.

Be good to yourself. I'm happy for you.

 Every girl deserves a guy that will tell her she's pretty not just when she's dolled up or when she feels down, but ALL THE TIME.  A woman should never not be told she's pretty.

I am really lucky that my partner is supportive of me even when I have anxiety due to my image issues. He never cares if I have makeup on. It helps me greatly... but it's still what I feel that makes the biggest difference.

you look beautiful!! I hate the way i look everyday all day long its exhausting i get myself pretty upset, its so dumb of me! <3

It is exhausting!! I am glad somebody else feels this way, but also sad for you to have to endure the shitness. I think you're hot, not that it will change how you feel about yourself...  People are dumb!

hmmm i had a pretty bad day yesterday is stupid of me cause there are far worse people that you see in these documentaries =(

There is always somebody more extreme =(

Why did you have such a bad day babe?

ahhh i just have my off days some more than others! <3

Fo sho, I hear ya. Hope you're all good now <3

I have the same issue. I just try to avoid looking in the mirror, and then I feel good about myself. :/

I have some compulsive tendencies that cause me to find it really, really, painfully difficult NOT to check in the mirror all the time. I laugh and tell people it is a disease, and they have no clue I am being serious. Ew at sickness

This is indeed a beautiful photo of you, but then I've always thought you are incredibly beautiful.  I don't think that I've seen you look any different.  And as to you being beautiful inside, I've never doubted that, either. 

It is certainly admirable to take interest in oxfam, and perhaps more people should participate in these kind of causes, me included.  It helps us feel like we're making a difference.  We need to be more constructive.

I wish there were a way I could change your perception of yourself, but either way, I'm going to continue to tell you how VERY lovely you are, Neko.   You're right; we could all use a little more love.  : )

<3

Being constructive in ways that benefit many others (who truly need it) is a weird thing to begin doing, since it goes against the whole Western way of living, and looking out for one's self. I always used to think it required so much effort... but by simply clicking on that link I provided, an opportunity to write simple letters to influential people is provided, taking only a few minutes each. It is practically spoon fed to you, all you need to do is fill out your name really. I think if everybody spent an hour out of each day doing something for somebody else, something selfless, the world would truly be a better place.

I am sick of obsessing over myself when there are people in the world without food or water.

I like bringing love into my life by helping others, it makes me feel more worthwhile (selfishly, of course) but also makes my heart feel bigger.. and I adore that feeling.

More love all around, please. I know I can always count on love from Wylie, and this is a truly wonderful thing <3 Thank you darling.

you are hot. realize how hot you are. bask in your own hottness.

 Probably my favorite comment of all time. If I ever come to your corner of the world, we have to have a bong together.

hun, you are SO beautiful and you're beautiful on the inside as well. We are our worst enemy, but you have to realize the beauty within yourself. Personally I don't think I'm attractive at all, all i can see is how sweet of a guy I am. You're beautiful all around

I guess it really matters, at the end of the day, what you think, and what nobody else thinks. If somebody you loved told you that they found you good looking, would you feel better or not?

yeah it would make me feel better

 I must  be weird, because while I feel touched at a compliment by someone I adore, it changes nothing for me. =(

aww! why does it do nothing for you?

Very strong-minded I guess!

babe, you're gorgeous all around

Obviously you're gorgeous, but the way this is written also shows that you are eloquent, thoughtful, self-aware and caring. You're demonstrating much more than just physical appearance and it seems to add up to a pretty special package! Realise your worth!

 =) This really touched me, thank you so much!

you are a beautiful chick, but i know how it is to have people tell you that stuff and still wonder if its true. i went thru it for a whiiile, it takes a while to become satisfied with yourself. i dont think anyone is ever completely confident in themselves inside or out, but you just got to appreciate yourself on the inside first and then the outside will come. but it sounds like you got the right idea ;) so kudos to you! and by the way, yess, that pic is very lovely lol.

Haha thanks for the sweet words, glad you liked the pic too ^_^ Someone once told me that nobody is confident, and if they tell you otherwise, they are lying. I still debate this daily.

 I rang about a an RSPCA ambulance job but the fact that i don't have a licence is a big mark against my name... But, yeh, spend some time with what are known as 'lesser' creatures. Our own well being is often determined by how we treat creatures of a more helpless nature. Don't worry about make up. Often the case with girls i've met is the old "good from a far but far from good" principle where in the distance they look alright but up close they can often be wearing too much make up. Guys will usually go for anything. You just wear socks, gloves and a wheat bag and guys would still come running. I flirt with girls at KFC who are covered in grease from their horrible work conditions! Maybe it's just me from the country, but i'm pretty sure most blokes don't take that much notice of make up and stuff. Most guys usually say, smile, eyes, voice, breasts and ass. You already got all those free of charge!

Haha I do have okay eyes, and I like my butt too... but I really love getting dolled up. Though as I said, I am trying to focus on beauty without all that shit. As is clearly obvious by all the comments on this blog, a good heart is much more important than a good face.

 By the way!! I have a new set going up next.

 your right there and you've already proven that your have a great heart with your animal welfare work.

Thanks darling, I appreciate your kind words =)

We do need more love. I send you as much as I can.

You make me smile.

 As you make me =) More love all around would be wonderful. I am actually waiting for my latest set to go live!! Very soon ^_^ I keep refreshing the home page haha

well gives me somethin to look forward to also

love conquers all and yeah everyone should be comfortable with their own looks..its important and half of what feeling good is looking good u know and u look beautiful..and i loooove ur totoro tattoo haha i used to laugh when i watched that video as a lil kid..with the lil sprites and the giant cat bus haha

Glad you like my ghibli ink! The coolest thing is when little kids recognize it. So awesome. Oh and thanks for the kind words <3

Im pretty amazed by this journal entry - What you're doing is awesome! well done. As for the bdd stuff, just remember the cog/behavioural therapy stuff and question the fuck out of every thought an action. I cant preach though, if i had successfully done that as well then maybe i would have actually gone to work today. Oh well. Wow oxfam and rspca? Ive done volunteer work twice, once was for the rspca as work experience and worked at oxfam at the show and have always wished i could actually get together the time to start doing it again. I still owe rspca $250 i was planning on donating when i was 17 heh . Did you do yours in town or lonsdale? Good luck girl, you're doing such a good thing for yourself and the world!

I volunteer at Lonsdale, but I still haven't been there for a few months. I used to go every few days but then I had a big problem, longgg story! I am just beginning  a balanced image perception study, as well as the behavioral therapy. Got a hard few months ahead!!

How are you going with all that stuff? Do you see anyone?