GodsGirl : Meira > journals > reading "Destiny rules and other things..."
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So I've been hangin out with GG Destiny while I've been in Florida, and I gotta say, this girl is cool as shit and so sweet and pretty! I've only known her a couple weeks and she was already there helping me out when I was really stuck...How awesome is that? It's so nice to meet someone so genuinely nice and super fun to hang with. It's really made my trip here so much better. I love how this site has brought me together with so many great people....
So when I'm not hanging with Destiny, Florida's been ok. I love my little nephew to pieces. He is the cutest little thing ever and so good. He hardly cries at all. Holding him is actually really calming, kinda therapuetic. And it's really nice to hang out with my sister. We've been watching a lot of movies and trying to get her caught up on True Blood...Also went to the Phils/Marlins game yesterday with my mom, dad, and little sister. We got a lil rained on, but the Phils won and we had great seats. It was kinda sad though, to see that practically noone in Florida goes to games. There were soo many empty seats and about 1/3 of the people there were in Phils gear...much different from back home, where the park is almost always packed...
Unfortunately, despite the good stuff, I'm still having personal troubles and stressing out sooo much. I'm constantly tense and I just want to feel totally, genuinely happy again. I want to stop crying to sleep at night. Things seemed to be getting so much better for a few days, then something else pops up to bite me in the ass and fuck things up. I don't get why these things happen to me. I really try so hard to be a good person, a good girlfriend, good friend, etc...but nothing goes right for me, not for very long. Yes, I make stupid, reckless mistakes, but I want to be forgiven for that and remembered for the things I did right, which I'm pretty sure are not small in number. When will how hard I try start to pay off?
Maybe I just try too hard. I love too hard. I invest myself so deeply that I'm bound to get hurt. I try to tell myself I'm special for being this way, but is it really worth it?
Sorry for the rant. My head hurts like hell...
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Meira
Aw neil, that is a beautiful quote...made me tear up...Nick and I have been trying to work things out, but it's just been really hard, especially from a distance. I was feeling that maybe if I wasn't so emotional, this would be easier, but I like your logic better. This is the first time I've loved this much, and felt so strongly about finding a way to be on the right path again with each other. Unfortunately I made some stupid mistakes while we were broken up that are now an issue...long story, but I appreciate your thoughts while I'm going through this. It really helps to be reassured <3
wychlea
"We were on a break!"
~ Ross Geller :)
Pardon my levity. "Mistakes" are relative. I won't ask you to go into it, and I know it's so easy to give advice from the outside looking in. When the heart is involved, logic rarely has a place in the equation, but what happens while broken up, is well, part of a negotiable area. Just my pov, though again, I am on the outside. I certainly don't mean to diminish anyone's feelings, but if it's worth fighting for, then you fight with everything you've got.
I'm thinking good thoughts for you!
OXOX
exquisitecorpse
don't worry about things you can't control just try and takes things one day at a time.
Saiya
You are very special for loving that way, for genuinely loving someone. It's a gift to be able to do that.
I am the same way, although right now it seems like a curse. :/
Meira
aw thanks lady...i'm sad too because it doesn't look like i'm gonna make it to tampa. you're welcome to come down here and hang with me and destiny, but i know it's a kinda long trek. <33
vigorismoney
you look good after a shower
real good
Darth_Pinko
Even though we've only talked here, I think you are a terrific person. It seems that everyone I know is going thru bad times, I know I am, thats why I'm not on that much, but I am confident things will get better.
Just remember you are never alone.
Meira
Thanks. That means a lot :) I get real down sometimes, but I know that everything's gonna work out. My best wishes to you too, dear.
Destiny
awww you're soo sweet!!! I might not say much, but I still try to have the best time as possible! =P
I'm gonna miss you lady!! I have no one to tell silly girl things to!! =[
Aww don't worry..when you get back everything will be good. I'm sure your bf will be more than happy to have you come back! ;-)
<333
Meira
haha i'm shy too darlin, but i think we've had a great time! keep texting any time, i'm always up for silly girl talk!
and yeah i was totally frustrated when i wrote that, but i know he's really looking forward to seeing me now :)
i so hope you can come visit some time! i will show you all over philly and take you to all the cool places.
or till next time i visit fl, i will miss you lots. but we'll stay in touch...our GG powers bind us! <3333
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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
~C.S. Lewis
It is indeed better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. You will feel it again. And how can caring too much for someone be a bad thing? It is a testament to your goodness as a person, to your warmth and loving nature. These are the things that more people should possess, not less.
Losing a relaionship is much like the grieving process. It takes time. You're a lovely person. There's nothing worng with you. :)
OXOX