Livia's journals

daaaaaaaaaamn.

okay, so i guess i will start with amythia's going away party.  that shit was fun, i got really drunk and hung out with people that i quite enjoyed.  i got mostly naked with a few beautiful ladies



in case you don't know, that would be four GG's on an awesome couch. lacey, marla, amythia, and livia ftw!



i obviously am not such a lady. oops!
i may or may not have gotten naked later that night too... hehehe

after our delicious breakfast in the morning rico took me to the flea market.  i went home and tried to curb what i thought was my hangover.

unfortunately it's not so much of a hangover as my body hating me. i swear, i don't know what is wrong with me!

so i spent days laying in bed instead of hanging out with farhaad. yeah i said it, haad is here.

i have felt so bad being sick in bed while he's here, this city is so boring and there's really not much to do besides hang out with awesome people such as myself.  last night we roped in our darling eddie and headed out on the town.  we were gonna meet up with marla and rico and go see a movie, but things beyond our control stopped us from getting there on time.  we went to a pub that was sort of lame, i was feeling shitty but we had lots of fun anyways. farhaad got a terrible quesadilla (he went against his instinct to not order anything mexican so far from mexico) but eddie got some delicious wings, some of which i stole. mmmmm.

we wandered around and took these awesome photos, which i will share with you



awww!



WHAT IS SHE DOING? jointssssss



LA!


gays gone wildddddd



me and the haad, this was after i started feeling terrible big time! look at that pouty face of mine!

by the time we left i was in a pretty massive amount of pain.  i tried to hide it from my two buds but i didn't do such a good job i don't think.  eddie, being the doll she is, drove me home.  as soon as i got home i took pain killers, but i was in such intense pain i ended up waking my mom up and getting her to take me to the emergency room.

i waited for a couple hours but i started feeling lots better, the pain went away and it was still going to be hours for me to get seen, so we packed up and came home to sleep. my mommy is so amazing.

i felt fine all night and my mom put my name on the list for an appointment at the walk in clinic, i woke up and got ready, and just as i was on my way there i started hurting big time again.  i had to sit there in agony for about 45 minutes, but it was good for me to be there when i was actuall having an attack. after some tests we discovered that i have a kidney infection.  he gave me some antibiotics and told me that if things get any worse i need to go to the ER immediately.  i have been laying in bed today and have basically felt fine since, which i hope means that i will be fine.

this is such a stupid time for this to happen! sad face!

oh well, this weekend will be super fun, even if i can't party as much as i hoped.  a few of the girls that i thought were coming aren't able to make it, which is unfortunate but things happen.

i decided i am gonna take the haad to the zoo tomorrow if it kills me, i am gonna use the next few days for serious hang out time.  i am so sick of being sick. ;lkajsdl;gkja;klsjdg;klasj!

aaaaaaanyways, that's pretty much it.

oh also, here are eddie's boobies and LA, taken for haad.



i <3 boobz and photos.

i have lots of shoots set up in the next little while, both as model and photographer. i can't wait! i am so stoked to be creating art again.

YES.

<3

this time in video format!
also, this one time marla had hiccups and eddie, amythia and i found it funny enough to record. i still die laughing every time i see it, enjoy.

hmm, on sunday before me and eddie recorded our awesome video blog (see previous entry) i shot lots of n00dz of her. i got her naked outside twice. it was a hot day, we got slurpees and she got into a fight with a crazy bitch and her fat friend who had serious road rage issues.  we saw some sort of weasel, it looked like a wet black ferret, it was totally awesome. in case you guys didn't know i really love that girl, and soon you will be seeing some really awesome (cough) diy's.

on monday i finally got to shoot with aaron.  it was another extremely hot day, good thing he keep his house like a freezer. i was a total idiot and missed my stop on the train, so i had to make him come get me at a different station. i am really stupid sometimes. we listened to modest mouse and i got naked and laid around on a bed, sometimes wearing a clone trooper helmet.  it was hard work guys, seriously. i think we got lots of good stuff, he sent me these ones this morning, whee!







i think they're super pretty!

since i quit my job things have been pretty lazy, mostly i lay in bed on the internet.  i have been finding lots of new music, i think i have got like 50 new albums this week. i bought some cheap dvd's too.

the calgary convention is coming up really soon, there are going to be so many hot girls here for me to love on soon. i can't even wait!

amythia is having a going away party tomorrow, and we are going to have a suprise visitor coming tomorrow morning too. i am totally stoked, i luvz visitors.

i only have another two weeks really before i need to start pounding the pavement and finding a new job.  i think i really need to start doing more things though, i need to start making more plans and hanging out with more people.  i want to go out dancing and drinking, so i think i need to rope some friends into doing that soon.  its so easy to get preoccupied with life and pretty soon you've drifted so far apart from people that you don't know what to do.

hmmm, i think thats pretty much all thats new and interesting.

yesterday i hung out with my friend, we tried to make it exciting but the universe was against us.  it was way colder and rainier than august is supposed to be, we mostly ended up getting soaked and cold and wandering around looking for things to do.

i dont know if it is any warmer out today, but the sky is blue and it's not raining so that's cool.

i think thats everything, i am going to lay in bed for a while more and then find something interesting/fun to do.  wish me luck!

xoxo

i am going to be vain and post this picture that ruzz finished today, i think it's absolutely awesome.


do you love it?
i hope so.

i have spent far too long in bed, but i am feeling well enough and i am going to venture out tomorrow! ruzz and i are going on a photo adventure.  i will definitely post some.

i finally updated my flickr page again, go lurk!

i probably have more things i could talk about but i don't know what they are right now.

xoxo

hey dudez, i'm on stickam now with my new macbook, come and chat with us and tell me how cute i look!

i am sick, so i didnt go to work today, which was supposed to be my last day. i win. i am so excited for free time!
i have an ear infection, but i can so lay around in bed and be lazy and do whatever i want.

i am gonna go out and have lots of play dates the next little while, because i can. 12 days til suprise visitor! wheee!

i will make a video blog soon, promise.

xoxoxoxoxox

yesterday i bought a macbook and i want to go on stickam and make a video blog for you guys and i can't do it because i don't have the password for our wireless internettttt. WAHHHHH!

i am having a special visitor in two weeks and i am excited.

also, the calgary tattoo convention is coming up real soon and i am so excited for everything that is happening. i love godsgirls.

i am at work right now, i am in the last hour of my third last shift ever, the anticipation is almost killing me.  the next three days will never go by soon enough. NEVER.

you guys are awesome, seriously i love you.

not much is really new in my life, i have just been working all the time.

on my day off on monday i went sort of nuts and to work things out i spent the entire day cleaning my room.  i moved everything and dusted everything and vaccuumed everything and holy crap it's so weird to have a clean room.  it was sort of the beginning of my decision to get my life on track and start doing what i want.  i gave notice to my job on wednesday so my last day is on august 13th, i am actually really happy about it.  i am definitely looking for a new job as i don't want to get into the slump of being jobless and broke, that was a huge slump (i am sure some of you remember that) and the last thing i want to do is end up back there.

i had an interview on tuesday morning, it went well but i don't think that i will get the job.  we sort of mutually agreed that we weren't the right fit, but she said she would still keep me in mind and let me know her decision next week.  i definitely want to work somewhere less stressful than this job, with better/more regular hours, and hopefully with more pay.  at the very least i am not going to take a pay cut.

i haven't really had the chance to take any more photos since the last time i posted, but i am hanging out with ruzz tonight so hopefully i will have some new stuff to show you soon.

the calgary convention is coming up soon, it's at the end of this month and there are lots of girls that i am sooooo excited to meet! also it will be nice to be able to rope eddie and marla in again, those two have been strangers in my life lately and it makes me tres sad.

yesterday i got notice that my (first ever) credit card application was approved, i don't know how much it will be for yet, but holy crap i am stoked.  i am a little scared too, but not having to borrow my moms credit card number anymore will be the best thing ever.

i miss kyle, that girl is seriously so great and it hurts my heart when we're apart hahaha.

i want to shoot some hot photos of nekkid girlz on my new camera, but none of my nekkid girlz will come to meeeee. sad!

maybe i will take a week or two off in between jobs to have time to hang out with my frenz.

thanks soooooooooooo much to everyone who left comments on my new set, eddie took it while we were in toronto! funnnnn stuff!

i bought a huge bag of bc cherries on my way to work today, over the course of the day (7.5 hours) half of the bag is gone. my tummy hurts, but i don't care.

ruzz is going to cook me dinner, and we are going to drink wine. i can't drink too much wine because i work at 10 tomorrow morning, and he can't drink too much wine because he has to drive me home. win win situation.

everyone tell me what is new with you, i miss you and i'm sorry that i suck at replying and journalling lately.  work is so busy lately that i never have any time on here, and when i am off the last thing i want to do is sit at a computer. aksjlfkjslkfjs;ldkfjlskdf.

i am so bitter about my job right now, i honestly can't wait to do something else. i think i might try for something closer to my house, maybe retail again? who knows.

also, i neeeeeeed help!

at the calgary convention we are having an awesome dodgeball team, it will be mostly us hot ladiez with three big dudes whose main purpose is to beam the other team and protect us so all we have to do is look pretty and distract everyone with our stunning good looks. 

help me pick a name and entrance song for our awesome team! make it amazing!

<333333333

those few days passed quickly, and i am back to my slightly jaded and restless but mostly contented self. 

kyle came to visit and we had some fun times and took lots of pictures, including an amazing DIY that amythia took (check the DIY preview thread for a peek at the awesomeness).  i realllllllly miss that girl already, and i hope that i can go visit her fairly soon.

i did buy a camera with my last cheque, i bought a Pentax K200D which i am really quite excited to have.  honestly, it is the most money i have ever spent on one thing and i think it was a really wise decision for me.

ruzz (favorite sin) was prodded into being my mentor during one of our shoots a while ago, he came with me to buy my sexy little camera and then we went to pick up some of his gear at a pawn shop.  while there i saw the first two seasons of melrose place on dvd and i decided that it was necessary for me to buy them, melrose place is one of those amazingly nostalgic things for me and although in itself it's not a great show, i love it because it reminds me of how things used to be.

also, ruzz cooked me some AMAZING dinner (there, are you happy now?) and we had a night of good conversation which i have been sometimes lacking these days.

the first week i had my camera i didn't really do anything with it, took some stupid shots around my room but that's it.  i have been working a really weird shift lately (2-10pm) and it doesn't leave me with much desire to do anything around work. 

on sunday we went to this sweet little park by his house and had a fun outdoor shoot.  i tried to have a bit of a marilyn type look to myself and ended up spending a lot of my time in a pretty little stream that was very deceitful and full of sink holes everywhere.  good thing i loooooooove the feeling of mud between my toes.  here is an example of what he captured that day:



after our little shoot we decided to go on an adventure around the park, and he told me he would take me to see the ducklings that i had seen some photos of previously.  during this adventure i almost died from the cuteness of the ducks, and i finally got a change to take my camera out for a proper spin. i got mostly crap, as he warned me i would, but i got some okay stuff that puts me officially on my way to taking good photos.

i started a flickr stream, so feel free to check it out, i don't know how often i will upload things but whatever, it's something.


that's ruzz


thats the diner we got to 10 minutes too late to eat, which was painful because we were damn hungry.


those are the aforementioned ducks


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

i also took



this photo. nothing spectacular, but i think it's alright.

monday i had a sweet photoshoot with carla (carmina foto), it also happened to be the hottest day of summer thus far.  i arrived late and sooooo sweaty.  she had a giant bowl of cherries in water waiting, and i binged on them.  we took some pretty pictures of me sitting nude on a wooden box, and then she presented me with her second idea.

"hey livia, i know it's unbelieveably hot but i have a really sweet idea we need to do"

the idea involved this (something that is explicitly warned against):


a hole poked roughly where my nose was to facilitate slight ventilation.

followed by THIS:


when my head was nicely bound (and wet with sweat in approximately 10 seconds) i perched myself naked on a lovely antique table and was again photographed.  i have no idea what i looked like, but i am inclined to believe the photos will turn out awesomely.

when i got to the train station i found out there had been some sort of accident and had to walk the 10 blocks to where the train was running.  this wouldn't be bad on any other day, but in a day where even sitting in the shade causes you to be soaked in sweat, i did not have very much fun venturing.  of course i ran into two people i knew, why wouldn't i? i don't think i looked too gross, and really everyone else was frizzy and sweaty too so they couldn't  hold it against me.

this week has been boring so far, working, coming home and watching too much melrose place.

tomorrow marla and rico are having a yard sale, apparently there will be some sweet stuff so i am dragging myself out of bed early to be there.  i will have lunch with ruzz and then go to work.

sunday, there is another awesome yard sale happening, i will venture there, then i have made tentative adventure plans with a boy i went to school with and am very loosely acquainted with.  i can't figure out what to do yet, but maybe i can drag him to said yard sale and then maybe force him to let me take photos of him? who knows, i will figure things out.

after the heat that was last weekend, our refrigerator decided it couldn't compete.  it is now on its very last legs, and struggling desperately.  today we discovered it can no longer be trusted to keep perishables cold, so we are without a fridge until we can get the new one delivered, whenever that may be.

i have a hair appointment on tuesday, and i don't know exactly what i want to do but i definitely need a change in style, my current one is driving me CRAZY.

i am also going to treat myself to a maincure and pedicure, i am in desperate need of both.

ummmmmmmmmmm i think thats about all that is new!

xoxoxoxo livia

last night and this morning have been really rough, for reasons that i can't explain or even comprehend.  i haven't felt this kind of sadness in what seems like forever, i don't know where it's coming from or what to do with it.  it's that intense gut wrenching type that makes you question how you're going to cope, i know it will pass soon though, i can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.  crying feels very foreign to me, my tears feel like acid and make my eyes burn.

ruzz sent me this photo he completed today, it feels very fitting for the state that i am in.  i definitely think you should check out his work, every time i go through his flickr i realize what an amazing talent he has. 



the paycheque i get tomorrow is larger than normal, overtime and stat holidays will do that.  i have decided that this is the cheque i will use to buy a decent camera.  i need an outlet, i need to start creating and expressing again, and i hope that this will facilitate.

i feel like this is a wake up call for me, my life is in a sad state of disrepair.  i sleep in, get up, go to work a job i hate, go home, lay in bed, and do it all over again.

how has it gotten to this point?

everyone else seems to have such an overwhelming amount of friends, things to do, things that create happiness inside them.  i feel as if i have nothing, and i have no one to blame for it but myself.

the worst part is that i try, maybe too hard? i can't figure out the problem, but i can realize that there certainly is one. 

for the past few months i have been feeling quite content, finally feeling as if i am okay by myself.  i realize now though that this isn't true, what i am lacking is not a lover or a provider, but a deeper social circle.  i crave interaction, i can't help myself.

with the money from this cheque i was going to buy a laptop, i felt like it would maybe help me feel closer to others, but obviously that would not be the case.  disconnecting from reality further is not what i need, and any sense of security it would give me would be false and fleeting.

i think i am being deep but i am not, someone tell me to stop being a whiney bitch.