I understand the deep social circle, and interaction part. I longed for that a while ago. I stopped looking for it when I figured out I had an infectious personality that attracted people to me. It sounds snobbish or whatever, but it's true. I've met you, I think you have the same quality. Hell, you and I are in the same circle. You're miles away, but it still counts. I don't know, just be yourself. Don't try to please anyone. I am rude, vulgar, loud, annoying. I'm not saying you should be these things, but just be you. People like that.

I know what you mean dearest.

About the coping part, sometimes I think that everything is just so screwed and its (all of it) hopeless. I've begun thinking that I might be chemically imbalanced somehow - its not normal to be so low sometimes and just average other times. Maybe I'm tortured or something. Har.

Things will look up. We should hang out. :)

My family (Mom and brothers) have been trading e-mail back and forth about some really serious stuff lately... but when we talk about IT we joke and laugh and have a great time poking fun at all of IT. Right now there seems to be the sense of "impending doom" that is fairly pervasive, not only here in the U.S. but throughout the world. At least the "connected" world. One of the common threads that has come out of the e-mail exchange is that we all feel the need to connect or re-connect to a greater social circle. I think 'Haad has it right... just be yourself and I'll bet you will be amazed at what happens. You seem like a sweet and caring person, and someone who would be a riot to hang out with. And forget the laptop... grab the camera you've wanted and get creative. There is so much beauty out there, and photography is one (fabulous) way to capture a little sliver of that beauty. And sorry... somebody else is going to have to tell you to "stop being a whiney bitch." I just think you're sweet.

 I get like this to. maybe its in the calgary air because its only been worse since I got here. My baby boo we are gonna go out tonight and slumber party tomorrow and ima love and huggles you like it an't no thang.

When you feel really down just think about running away to tialand or something crazy. I'll join. You can do whatever you want and meet who ever you want. You're just in a pit, go to the doctor and get some happy pills if it keeps up. You'll be like swingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

anyway, I Love you boo. See ya later tonight, and boo to bad jobs.

you're not alone

I think many people have a huge sense of isolation and lonliness even when they are surrounded by people. The worst is when they force themselves to ignore it and focus on the external. (i have so many friends and so much fun, i must be fufilled) As strange as it is, I felt as alone as I have in such a very long time while I was in Toronto surrounded by wonderful beings. We probably could be more there for ourselves. More accepting. Be unconditionally friendly to the self that never feels quite good enough. We come in to this world alone, and we leave it alone. The closest we get to another is small glimpses in to reality and shared laughter. We can never really share our true selves and we will never truely see or understand them. It can get so very lonely. We have the compassion in us to fill ourselves with the love we seek futilely in others. Sitting in a bar or in front of a computer screen won't bring us any closer to what we seek. All of our problems in life stem from our inability to sit quietly in a room by ourselves.

That photo is beautiful.

I'm sorry you are feeling down. I definately go through phases like that. Have a tea party with someone!

(i think you are deep) 

XOXO

The fact that you have these thoughts at all proves that you indeed do have depth.  I, unfortunately, am acquainted with what you're feeling.  And much of what Marla says is true.  However, clearly there is an ability to connect with others in an intimate way- not physically, but mentally.  We CAN know someone else - it IS possible- providing both or all people are sincere and honest.  And I suppose that's the rub, isn't it? 
Trust, honesty, communication.  But do we trust that people are honest with us?  How jaded are we?  How much of our life experiences have caused us to be overly cautious?  These questions and more will be answered, next time, on, "As The World Turns"...  

Sorry.  Now who's getting deep?  I needed to lighten that up a bit.  : )

Hugs.

~ N

I love your current profile picture, pretty lady.  : )

oxox

I know that feeling of living in a god damn monotony very well... I hope that you will get out of that very soon... buying a cam and getting creative is definetely the right way... I always have to do something creative, something that I love to get out of those feelings.
I hope you will feel better soon... <3