Kayla-Jane's journals

today is the day before my birthday... im trying to get some friends together tonight for dinner... and pre bday festivities poss followed at boardners bar for drinks and ringing in my bday..(call or email me for details)

in addition... im trying to plan a post bday trip to magic mountain on tuesday... anyone interested?

some of you ive come to know and call true friends, some of you have i have only just met and some are foreign to me.
Those of you that have become friends... i wanted to appologize for not being around so much recently, i know i have been neglecting a lot of people in my life and it sucks that it had to be any of you... or anyone for that matter. I wanted to let you all know i will be out and around more, i will be reachable and here for you. Ill be around to listen talk hang out and smoke mad weed with haha ...

im not lofty and lost anymore, because my friendships with all of you is part of what makes me happy, and i lost sight of a lot of that for a while ...

i hope that we can all grow closer and see eachother more... hope you can forgive me if i ever let you down, and i hope the best for the next year of my life

(i get really sappy around my birthday, really greatful and appreciative and i get really into fixing my faults... this just happened to be super apparent to me over the past month and found that this (the day before my birthday) would be the best time to tell you all this ...)thanks for listening



(i am the corniest person alive)

so im donig summerschool i think ... i cant live here anymore...

dont start the rumors flying jon and i didnt break up... i just need to live closer to school.. so i will be living closer ... about 3 blocks away... so if you live near marina del ray/ westchester/ play del ray or whatever thats where ill be living... and attempting to get to know the area...

i need help moving ..if anyone can spare sometime i just nee the extra hands...

call me

no photographs i look at ...look anything like me... i dont look like me... i dont know what i look like
what do i look like when i dont look like me , who am i when i look like someone else
where did my heart go and how long has it been taken from me


im drinking wine and complaining

so im okay... jons car is okay..thats right i got into an accident in my boyfrriends truck..here is an excerpt from what i wrote about it for my book... its a funny lil story ..enjoy...


I saw it coming, tunnel vision…I zoomed in on my lights getting brighter on his car. My foot was pressed hard on the break already but I wasn’t slowing down enough, I wasn’t going to make it. Crash.

Back up, start shaking, start crying, fuck fuck fuck, I have an 8th of weed, I have no id, suspended license, this isn’t my car. Fuck shit, jons going to kill me, fuck this isn’t my car, I just crashed. Pull over, get out, see what I did to both of our cars. Oh shit license plate is gone oh fuck, the guy has a hole in his bumper. Fuck shit.

“what were you doin” he said,
 I cried louder, harder, all I could say
“im so sorry, oh my god im so sorry”
I told him it was my first accedent, it wasn’t my car, my boyfriend would kill me, I didn’t have my license on me, no id, no insurance, he felt bad for me I could tell, but I was dying inside. So scared, oh shit, fuck shit, what did I do, how did I do this. I was shaking and crying as I told him id pay for any damages, I told him id email him my insurance as I cried all over his car and wrote down my name and address…on a script
He told me that in the sceme of things this wasn’t a bad accident, it would all be okay, cleared up, I should cry, he said something like pretty girls cant cry.
He drove away, I cried for the next half hour…
When I got home I looked at his card….

He is the senior vp of production and acquisitions at Warner independent pictures… hahah I have a feeling this may turn out in my favor… I stopped crying

when is the site going up ....im getting sad

i cant deal with the silence
the humming of the air
conditioning the system

smokey vision
wandering eyes
sitting on a poarch
thought i saw another yard
a place i played
when i was young
i thought i saw
what wasnt there
through the fog of my daily pay

work through the smoke
to clear the day
leaving my throat dry
and ready to read
through my coughing
i choke out blood
dying to tell you
the feelings i love

ive been sick for almost a week i want to die


i had to cancel my shoot with melodie because i had a 104 fever

i still have this fever

i hate everything
school school
so much work
so sick cant see straight
grrr


i want to cry

i have a serious problem
its called the L word... reminds me of the beauty of being a lesbian...but more than that it reminds me how much i miss my close girl friends


i love my boyfriend more than anything in this world
but i feel likke ive neglected some people that if i lost ....i would lose a part of me


anyway i need toget back in touch with this part of me..its necessary...
girls lets go camping haha

<3

ps i need a group of great girls.straight.gay bi whatever...we will have our own L word...and ill always be the shane ...DUH <333

old photos of me and sen make me happy, not to mention hot and bothered...i forgot allthose secret places she touched me ...i cant wait to see my other sets with her... not to mention all the other hot girls ive shot with so far...gettin wet thinking about it...for real site go up now so i can masturbate hahaha

(shera and gillian aremajor MM <3))

god damn jeffree made my eyes look goodhahahahahah

so i hosted a party last night. almost forgot about it but didnt just in time to go there and get drunk..however...i drank and didnt really get drunk..too much caffine...anyway woke up this morning...drunk...no sleep ...to tyty...

laying in bed watching jon play video games ....

time for delivery <3(any of you wanna play the part of "japanese delivery girl/boy or uhhh i dunno...i promise ill come to the door in panties