Helena's journals

no, really.

what is everyone doing?

friends!

hi guys!

ok, so it's been a while...a LONG fucking while. let me tell you a little story that will probably interest very few of you

*ahem*

i had to step away from godsgirls (just looking at the site) for a little bit. my birthday this year ended up being a quasi disaster again. my "father" (whom i prefer to have no contact with ever - and i haven't for the last 5 years) decided to be a creep and lurk my myspace page using my cousins as a way to spy on me. pretty genius. anywho, he discovered godsgirls and proceeded to go on a "holier than thou" rampage and basically humiliate me by slandering my life to all my family members. i am not ashamed of the work i've done on godsgirls. i'm not everyone's favorite but i don't really give a shit. i love the site, i love the girls on the site (although i have yet to meet many of you!) and i love godsgirls. period. i just had to step away because i was disappointed that what i do on this site would lead someone to believe that i'm a low life who poses nude for drug money. i was laughed at when i defended myself and called this art. because you know what? the photography, the sets, the hair, the makeup - nothing is half assed or mediocre. everything is beautiful and what the fuck? who doesn't appreciate a beautiful photograph of beautiful women? when annaliese said i could participate in godsgirls i was stoked. everyone would love an extra dollar in their pockets, but i appreciate an awesome photo so much more. i've had the privilege to work with some of the most amazing, sweetest people and i will never regret my decision. i want to continue working with godsgirls. i want to send a big "fuck-off" to whoever thinks that i'm worthless. stop trying to be a parent when the chance is already long fucking gone. i work my ass off at my job, i'm putting myself through school, i'm starting my own business (eeek!), i get around all of fucking l.a. without a vehicle - i fucking rule my own life. and it's taken me a long time to be happy about all that i've done.

ok, so the point is...i stepped away from godsgirls long enough. i'm back in the game, baybeee! i missed you all <3

being home sick is such a delight! it's my third day off - i finally caught what everyone was temporarily dying from. i actually don't enjoy missing this much work, but i refuse to sit there and be completely useless if i can't even get out of bed. come mid afternoon i actually feel ok, but at night i can't sleep for more than almost 2 hours at a time without waking up and wanting to kill my lungs.

oh well. at least i'm home. too bad there's no food here for me to stuff my face with.

vegas this past weekend was good times. it's how i caught whatever it is that i caught, but well worth it. i didn't even get to drink that much, but the gambling was fun (i'm a shitty gambler and i don't even do it that often, let alone at all but i won a small amount of money) . but sam's town has crappy food. i think my best meal was mcdonald's and i'm not even kidding one bit. 20 chicken mcnuggets and large fries = delicious.

which...i could actually go for right now...

actually, i could really go for some subway sandwiches with a certain godsgirls beauty. dont' think i've forgotten!!

the house is such a filthy mess and i wonder how much it will be to hire someone just for a day to tidy it up.

i'm on a HUGE entourage kick. so if anyone has season one or three on dvd (as i've watched season two backwards and forwads) please bless me with it.

alright, i'm going to attempt to watch some dvds, contemplate delivery from god knows where and sleep some more. my immune system really hit the road and left me to die.

i posted a long blog about weekend and sickness in vegas and now it's gone

mother fucker

dude. i need some hot lovin...not hot lovin, i just want to touch a penis. and not just any penis, but the one attached to my man would be nice.

i really need a conch shell in times like these. the penis conch is what it'll be. specifically designed so that only your mate can hear it. he could be enjoying some lunch and far off in the distance he'll hear a firm toot and he knows, oh he knows, that some penis action is waiting to happen.

it could be because i'm wrapped up in the softest blanket i've ever felt or the fact that i have a monthly visitor, but i feel like neil patrick harris in harold and kumar. not as extreme tho. and replace 'fur burgers' with 'penis'

OKAY

so there's a wii at the apartment now. it is so fucking rad i cannot even begin. it is insane the type of technology people can come up with, especially with video game consoles. (total buzz kill from the penis talk, i know). it's like a little nintendo wii utopia and it even sounds like it too. it is so rad, i can't even explain it.

man vs. wild is the GNARLIEST show i have ever seen. i'm watching him piss onto his own shirt so he can wrap it around his head and neck to keep him cool as he tries to find his way through this desert in utah. another time, he needed water in the african wild so he found a lump of elephant shit. yes, elephant shit. cracked it open and drank the water that came out of it. he drank shit water.

aaaand i can forget about that penis conch. after rereading everything i just wrote, i've turned myself off.

fucking great.

oh the joys of ordering in. one of my most favoritest restaurants is delivering their fatty, amazing, ginormous plate of pasta to me. TO ME! i feel that's the way it should always be.

i still can't decide if being 100% worthless on a friday night is a good or bad thing. i don't nearly go out enough yet at the same time, i'm quite content watching scrubs...high and eating a giant plate of pasta with a giant glass of wine. oh the luxuries of adulthood.

which i LOATHE by the way. i'm slowly beginning to realize that i can't handle time flying by the way that it is and all good things slowly becoming things i can only wish to remember. even if i can go back to summer '05 and stay there, i'd be happy.

i love scrubs, but god i hate zach braff.


i have the WORST train of thought ever.

i'm not ashamed. justin timberlake is fine. and i'm not saying fine in a serious way, but he definitely is a favorite guilty pleasure of mine.

ANYWHO, i just wanted to say thanks to everyone who sends the sweetest comments and emails. i've been really down and out on myself lately for reasons i don't even know about, but they've certainly lifted my spirits! so thanks to you!!!!

i also have just returned from vegas. i'd like to thank she wants revenge for all the free alcohol i consumed and later puked up in the privacy of my own room from 4am - 2pm the next day. and i'm so grateful that i had some hot godsgirls come up as well ;)

i'm going to go crawl back into bed now with my half eaten chipotle burrito and hopefully not pass out before i've finished it. i am such a pig, i know.

SMOOCHES

hey.  how's it going? 

not to toot my own horn, because that's not how i roll,  but i am so excited about my new set up! 

the only thing i question is...where'd the boobs come from?? as i look down at my boobies now i think "you guys don't look like THAT anymore!"

catch some boob and fire action and see heather, christine or ian in the mirror.  i love them. 

aaaaand, that's it.  toot toot

well, i'm sitting here, voluntarily secluded from a room full of giggly boys. oh the hilarity. voluntarily secluded because a)it's dude time and b) i've been trying to pick up reading again. i used to be a bookworm and now i can't stand the fact that i feel like my brain is shitting on itself. i needs to edumacate mahself. ... see what i mean? anyway, i've started the time traveler's wife and i love it. so far.

aaaaand...i lost my train of thought. what the hell. what's happened to me? i'm drowning in my own retardedness.

oh, i also need some drinks. let's go!

LAUNCH TOMORROW!!!!!! <3