Whatta Week!
Seriously. I'm exhausted.
I broke up with my handsome boyfriend as you may remember in my last post, because i just wasn't happy and he didn't seem to want to help me be happy. Turns out I was really, very right. Actually I was more right than I had even realized.
I started staying on my friends' couch (member: BigDirty), when i realized there was no way i could handle living (even just temporarily) with the ex. I wanted to still attempt a friendship, but the arrangement was just not healthy for me at all.

 His new band had their biggest show on the 29th.  The night before the show he asked if i could come over. I knew that couldve meant he just wanted to have sex...and since the break up, we obviously had traveled down that path a few times. But it was the night before his show and i knew he was ridiculously nervous, so i decided what i would do was just be there for him because i didnt want to actually go to the show, so i thought i could just be the best supporter i could and reassure him he'd be ok. We didnt have sex, and in the morning we talked about if i was coming to the show or not. I hadnt planned to at all, i knew all the girls and women who had been lusting quietly or obviously over him would be there to oggle and try to swallow him up with their vaginas, and i just wasnt prepared to see that just yet. But he really wanted me to go but said he understood why i wouldnt want to go, and that basically it would mean a lot to him if i was there. he said it would be weird and not the same if i wasnt. I've been there since the beginning of that band and its the biggest thing in his life. So i agreed to go, and made plans with other friends for immediately after the show to let him go be a rockstar if he wanted to play that role.

I left the place i was staying at and went to snag public transit to the venue, but i had just missed a bus and it would be another 20 minutes til the next, so i decided to walk up about 4 blocks to the bar to have a shot, and the next bus stop was right across the street so i thought it would be a good plan. As im walking i realize i might be a touch late for the show and so i called the guy to let him know and that i was really sorry if i missed it. as i was walking down the busy street, this relatively tall, handsome black fella about my age stopped me and asked if he could use my phone. I normally would say yes, but im on a prepaid thing and i just dont have that many minutes to use. I declined and offered up my change, and when i handed it to him, he immediately grabbed for the canvas bag on my shoulder and started yanking me around. when i didnt let go, he started punching me. The first hit was right in my face, the following four were to the side of my head. when i was still not letting go while he threw me around by my bag and swung at my head, he reached inside my bag and pulled something out. it took me a second to realize but by the time he had hit me in the head with it twice, i realized i was getting hit with my own deodorant stick. As he was hitting me i was just in shock, so i didnt really scream or hit him back, but i somehow managed to say, "what the hell are you doing?! I don't even have money!!" And all the while cars were driving by, not seeing a damn thing. finally, though, the street i was crossing is dead, but a little black car pulled up and the mugger went running. i knocked on the guys window and told him what happened and he helped a lot and talked to me til i calmed down a little bit and offered me a ride to where i was going. I for some reason went to the show still, trying to pretend like what just happened, hadnt.
The show was nice, i was shaken up but fine. my bag had been ripped literally in half, into scraps, so all that i had in my bag were now stuffed into the pockets of my jacket. I dropped my ID once that night, and after i left to see my other friends down the street i thought i had dropped it AGAIN at the place Ross had played his show. SO i called him and asked him to peak around and that id be back soon to look for it. when i got there he said he hadnt seen it and i asked the bartenders. i opted to just walk the same way i had when i left the first time to see if i had dropped it on the ground, and when i went to say goodbye to Ross and give him a big hug, he was all over this girl. I knew immediately that she was a girl that he had told me about in detail and how she had been begging him come home with her one night, and how pretty she was and oh my oh my and how great of a dude he was because he "didnt even kiss her."

That really made me angry but i swallowed my pride (after bitching him out) and dealt with it. I couldn't believe him (or could i?).
But basically I had gone to his place after work (its right across the street) to pick up a dress (most of my things were still at his place, save my x box and a bag of clothes), so i left my work clothes there....so the next day, thursday morning, i had to stop by to pick up my little uniform. He knew i had left them there, so imagine my emotional roller coaster when i see these little pink toes poking out from the blanket!! Fucking scoundrel. I couldn't even wrap my head around his absolute disregard for me. I knew he was a selfish person i guess i was just shocked that after all of that he would intentionally do something so rotten.

BUT in a way it helped and i moved EVERYTHING out of his place that very same day after i very hard day at work and i havent talked to him or seen him since. And things have been great. Im actually an official roommate now, with my very own nice room in the basement, and im pretty fucking happy. I just FEEL normal.

I ran into an old friend who i found out, has been holding onto two bags of my stuff that i left with him FOUR YEARS AGO!!! and i got to tear it all apart and he had a quilt blanket that my mom and made for my dad  (who passed away when i was young) back on the christmas of 82, and a book that was practically like a bible to me that i havent even be able to find a copy of anywhere else, not even amazon.com. It was pretty incredible. it was better than any gift i have ever received.

I'm in a good place and im really happy.
I'm going to burning man this year!!!!! AHHH!!