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Last year, I walked over to where you were sitting in the afternoon after I got back. I was gone for two weeks, I went up the California coast and spent some time in a bedroom that is all black and red. The city by the sea, I must have walked 10 miles that day.

I took the taxi back early in the afternoon and left my shoes behind on the bedroom floor. I took the red hankerchief you had in your back pocket that morning at breakfast.

You called me the night I had to leave. I was sitting in a coffee shop by the beach. I only talked to you once I think before I came back home.

I flew home and everything was just a little bit heavier than I when I left. I came back and when you saw me you jumped up and ran over to me.

In July I made photos of bees and the desert in Nevada, "where did you go?" you insisted. I told you "no where." We almost tied the knot, we almost did it. He made me come in an empty house after we went to the strip club.

I must have looked like a ghost, tired from the drive and the months.