Erica's journals

I think my kitten might be sick... He's way too mellow for a kitten and he sleeps all the time, from what it sounds like, hes got FIP, some fatal cat disease, and I want to seriously cry right now if he does. I think I may call the foster home I got him from and have them check him out and see what they think... I've been trying to call my best friend who is a vet tech, but she hasn't been picking up her phone... allright seriously, I am kinda depressed if I my cat is really sick... :( :( :(

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Wanna meet the new love of my life? He just moved in. I'm so totally in love with him I have to miss church to go shopping for him.

Broom hockey = amazing.

Boobs + drunk friends.

So I was called a genius and evil last night by two different people. You know what that equals? Genius evil! Or evil genius..... mwhahhaha!

I have no idea what I am talking about.

I have had an hour and a half of sleep + creepy nightmares. And gigglefest 5000 with a long extended conversation about tapeworms.

Now I am going to work. Oh god. I wish I worked in a mattress store.

Last night was so lame.

Apperantly I am only attracted to the mentally insane, emotionally unstable, & possible psychopath types.

Anything less, and I am fucking bored outta my skull.

I'm so blaming ADHD.

I talked to my long distance hopeless romance today. He knows he needs help, but won't go and get it. He doesn't anyone to know how fucked up he is. He has saved my ass a few times, and I know I've saved his. But we can't save each other.

I told him I'd write his obituary, and he just started bawling on the phone to me. He cried and told me everyone expects so much from him and he just can't live up to it, and I said you don't have to. You just don't have to.

You don't have to live up to anyones expectations, least of which the people who love you, because if you love someone you'll accept them for what they are, for who they are, no matter how much they let you down.

He's got bruises all over his legs and he's using a hammer, he groans as he walks, and I told you, "maybe you need a hammer" and you said "maybe, maybe." And you said "everyone dies." When I asked about your childhood. Do they? Do they really?

I'm singing him "Ohio, oooohhhiioooo." And he loves it.

Took a bus straight to Baltimore
On the way he took a nap
Dropped off a note that said "I'm giving this note back"
PS- There's a lot going on underneath
There's roots there's pipes, and there's drainage leaks
You're on, you're wrong, Ohio
Truly sorry, I see clearly
Calmly crashing, I pace faster than anyone
Hinges rusting, they swing louder than anything
Truly lonely this place is flatter than it seems
I'm upset, and I leave the door open wide
Our hearts are used up, cracked and dry
Pulled the scabs off of regrets
We haven't learned to read our conscience yet
Truly sorry, I see clearly
Hardly hoping, I spend it all on game machines
Calmly crashing, I pace and I figure it out again
One hand clapping, awake but napping
Rows of lights to illuminate lines
Why don't they turn them off and let us see night
Drove crazed grooming my lies
You can't look in on one way eyes, Ohio

Dear post secret thank you for saying what we always want to say.

So my weekend was pretty chill, yesterday I drank beers all day with the neighbors and I only got a little drunk, and fell off the couch and it was a little on purpose. I am extremely tired right now, I didn't fall asleep till nearly 6am, after 3 sleeping pills I finally passed out on my couch. My phone woke me up with a text and an alarm reminding me I need to be at the dentist in oh, 15 minutes. I threw on some clothes, bummed a smoke from downstairs and ran outta there, and was only about ten minutes late.

I got a cavity filled and got my silver filling replaced with the nice white stuff. My mouth still kinda hurts from the injections and getting drilled on.

I made my neighbors take the myers briggs test, one is an ESFP, almost and ENFP and the other is an ENTP. I am entertained by them, its sort of like hanging out with beavis and butthead, but hell, I need some dumb, witty conversation over beers. We walked to the bar last night, and they hated the bar, I liked it, but we left and went to the local diner, and after talking very loudly about eating pussy, some dude turns around and tells them he is trying to enjoy his dinner and to quiet down. I was a little embarrassed, but its 12:30am what do you expect drunk people to talk about (I was the sober one basically), I guess that guy doesn't like eating pussy?

I went to church last night, and I thought my pastor was gay, but I wasn't sure, but he talked about being gay openly, and so is the other pastor, who I thought was gay too, so, 2 out of 3 of the pastors are gay in the church I go to, and the sermon was basically about how we as christians have to be part of the dialogue of a new voice of christianity that isn't about excluding people. The three pastors "tag teamed" and giggled about it, and the last one was pretty emotional. I really go to the coolest church and I don't feel like an outcast for once when I go in there.

Now photos and a dumb video of me drunk from last week.




I am multitasking. From wensday night.




We are in a bar listening to reggae and I am drinking red stripe!




This is probably a few bucks worth of recycling here.




My church is the awesome. They marched in the prop 8 protest with these signs.


I don't know why I have 63 views on this video, but its funny anyways. I've known him since i was five okay! FIVE dammit! It took him 23 years to touch the goods.










Ten minutes ago.

I slept basically all day yesterday it seems, I woke up, and fell back asleep from 10:30 to 4pm, my friend came over and he fell asleep on my couch too, and I woke up to his text. We drank some beers, hung out and tried to find something to do and I changed plans about 100 times and we went to drop something off and then we to BevMo and buy some beer since he drank all my other beers.

We bought some Newcastle and Hoegaarden, which i guess tastes like cheese but I don't know since I didn't drink any, I drank a newcastle, and we played a game of foosball with my neighbors, and we need to brush up on our foosball apperantly because we weren't doing so good. We came back upstairs and I made brownies and we both fell asleep watching "spirited away" which I can watch over and over and just adore that movie.

I didn't go to church this morning, I might go tonite instead. It used to be peaceful on my porch, now its just fucking loud, but at least it won't be lonely here, because there will always be someone to talk to at least. One of my neghbors just walked outside covered in blood, he told me beat some fool up, but listening to the conversation downstairs he fell while drunk, I'm glad i was upstairs sleeping at the time.

One of my friends I hang with all the time, I got very drunk in a bar with, and we made out (I only let him kiss me, no boob touching dammit!) and he was letting me slap him while I was drunk (I'm freindly and violent while drunk i guess), I do have a little bit of a crush on him, but I've told him straight up I'm not willing to complicate our relationship with sex or any commitments right now because I'm so not ready for relationships.

My neighbors are on leave from the military so it means they are going to be so loud that it sounds like a party every night downstairs, so wensday I forgot about my church meeting (not on purpose) and had 2 beers and they convinced me to go to the worst bar ever, it wasn't actually that bad, it was just a cowboy bar and I was wondering, drunk, why I was at a cowboy bar? I had fun chilling with navy dudes and then I went to del taco, where I felt like I was going to pass the fuck out, so I called one of my friends to come over and pick me up.

I then proceeded to drink more beers and decided to take pictures at 3am. Some turned out fairly decent. I was a little tipsy and don't remember taking most of them, but I let my friend take portraits of me, which at the time I thought I looked decent, but I just looked drunk.

I had 4 hours of sleep and then went to work on tuesday and I was so tired and in a shitty mood for the first half of the day. I went to bed damned early too.

Friday I went out to a shitty bar with my friend and we proceeded to shit-text instead of shit talk the DJ because it was too, too loud. We drove around and ended up at the local diner I am in at 3 days a week. A stranger came by and told me "it wouldn't hurt to smile." I was on the verge of tears because of the shitty day i had at work, (I don't get paid enough to get sexually harassed by old men, thats for sure) so i took off and sat in my car and started crying.

One of the waitresses is a friend of mine and she came outside and hugged me and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and i drove home and felt sort of numb, I hate my life sometimes, sometimes it ain't that bad overall, but some shit is fucking horrible, and some of it just kinda sucks, and some is fucking fantastic. I felt really depressed yesterday and not even an ice cream sunday was going to make me feel better.

Today I woke up early because my stomach has decided to hate me again.

Here, from wensday night -


That tattoo is amazing.


This guy let me slap him while drunk.. hahha


I need some damned sleep, eh?