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I only have two words for this weekend: Golden Grain. Yes, that dirt cheap liquor, which resembles Everclear and has a higher proof--190 I believe--than rubbing alcohol. It's so strong you can feel it evaporating off your lips when you drink it straight. Also, I think it's illegal in, like, several states. So, you know how certain drinks have reputations for making you act a particular way (easy example is tequila=clothes falling off)? Well, lets just say that Golden Grain, at least in my experiences, equals complete chaotic belligerence. I have a friend who buys two bottles of this shit, literally, every weekend. One for Friday night, one for Saturday. It's like 48 hours of chaotic belligerence.

Now, I would like to think that I am a pretty sensible human being, and I can make reasonable judgements and speculations. This weekend, I decided to hold back on my alcohol consumption, on account of my intoxicated encounter with the po-po last weekend. Necessary? No, but I felt grateful for miraculously escaping arrest, so I thought it was my cosmic duty to drink responsibly this weekend (whether my logic makes sense to anyone but myself, I am not sure). Alors, for the past two nights, I have remained coherent and in awareness of those around me. Despite the fact that nearly all my other friends were indulging in the Golden Grain, I didn't feel left out. Actually I was feeling quite pleasant, so I stuck with a simple beer.  Plus, I sniff that shit and I already feel hung over. 

So! I'll get to the interesting bit. 

It was Saturday night, and out came the Golden Grain again. The people around me were like undeveloped film, and it was the chemical that brought out this really fucked up picture I had never even seen before. My friend Josh, who is a total womanizer, has been trying desperately for the past few weekends to get in my pants. I know it. Last night he was "feelin' it" i guess, so he made his best attempt to be suave and courting. He gets all close to me, whispering things in my ear, like "I'm really into you right now" or even better "If you were a pirate, would you put your parrot on this shoulder or THIS shoulder?" I mean, I like the guy and all, but I'm not about to just let him get away it that easy. 

Anyhow, my best friend Nickie had been seeing this guy named Eric. It was pretty much a rebound thing, but regardless, they were still an item. So this guy, Eric, had literally been drinking for the past 24 hours. 

"Something you need to drown?" I asked him. He smiled, "yep." 

The night started out light hearted... A bunch of happy drunk people jammin' together (we're musicians and hippy art freaks).  Everyone went outside for a smoke break at, err, 10 or so, and I get a call from a good friend who had just got home from a trip. So, I decided to leave for a bit to chill with him. We had a lovely time... ended up watching Pulp Fiction, and didn't get back until about 1 or 2. Upon returning, I came to realize that the state in which i had left my friend had completely changed. The chaotic-belligerating effect of the Golden Grain had set in.

After I had left, Eric had professed his dying love to Nickie who couldn't bring herself to reciprocate his feelings. As I was told, he became very angry and began to violently throw shit around the room. He then became determined to demolish the entire dorm building (we live on our college campus) with his bare hands and feet. Like, karate chopping down doors and then falling on his ass. At the time we were all starting to get pretty nervous about the situation, but looking back upon last night, it was kinda hilarious. Nickie and I left Eric in the hands of our other friend Clinton, who as just slightly less sober than Eric. But, we figured, sober enough to take care of poor Eric. Well, that was a mistake.

Clinton--who is gay--had been, for the past few weeks, swearing that Eric was bisexual. I never suspected that he was, I mean, my gay-dar is pretty damn good. As it turns out, and to Nickie's dismay, Clinton was right! And his story about their Eric and he's night together was all the proof I needed. Apparently, shit went down (or up, however you want to put it). The next morning, at some ungodly hour, my phone rings. Clinton was beside himself about what to do. "Oh my god, I don't know how to tell Nickie." 

So, some things to take from this weekend.

1) Just avoid Golden Grain. It tastes like shit. Plus, there are far more classier sorts of drinks to indulge in. If you are set on the alliteration, go for Grey Goose or something. 

2) Don't fall for bad pick-up lines. 

3) If you are feeling nervous about expressing your sexuality to others, Golden Grain (or any strong liquor for that matter), will make things easier.  

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Oh! My first set is going to be shot this week. I've been planning on doing this theme for quite some time now, and I finally found the right place and person to do it. So to give you all a little sneak preview...

  +    = the sexy little monster under your bed

bisoux,
Eloise