Ellie's journals

from a new model, it's like


"holy god...how hot can you be... ."


GodsGirls has to be the hottest collection of women anywhere....so much that it makes me giddy. I mean you should see my stupid ass smile right now, its creepy.


I just love to see the new faces.....new boobs...new personalities....each so expertly picked haha. I'm so impressed with how different each girl is. I never see a repeat. I never feel that two girls' personalities are even similar.


man i should shut up. i just ate a lot of sushi. i think i got a sushi high.


Anyway, hopefully next week I'll be starting my Last Unicorn tattoo. Quite happy about it. Getting it done by an awesome guy, who i will share more about with you guys later, and it should be cool man

just cool.

later, shnookumses

I'm pretty sure i would automatically marry someone who could keep me constantly entertained in  fairy tales and things I did not know about.

I think it's interesting how much fairy tales have been edited for children . I wonder what most led to the sugar coating. Obviously there are several different factors that led to it, but I wonder which contributed most.

I suppose people did not have the luxary of escess time on their hands to concern themselves with their children's psychological needs and whether these stories they were telling their children were harah or frightenening, they just needed to get the lesson of the story told as quickly and as memorable as possble. Or maybe children these days are just more easily frighteneed.

It's all strange to me....

REally.
Sometimes its so hard for me to write words. They're so exact in my head that when I write them and they sem vague or in the wrong places, it just kinda makes me squinch up my nose.
Not that I had something pretty to write about...I guess I just wish I could stream a journal on here from my brain.

I love Animal Collective jeeeeeezus.

What's more delicious than a cupcake? A Hello Kitty cupcake.

Yah, I've been busy I guess. School...even though I'm not full time, I have a hard time focusing on anything so I really have to try and get in the gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame..or some shit.

But anyway, I'm gonna make a film. Mhmm. An old trashy ansty looking horror film and its going to be ridiculous.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE FOR HALLOWEEEEEN?

i think i'm going to be albert einstein muahaha.

i was the model for a painting class today, mostly older men and women. i've done it a few times before. i kinda like it. probably because i'm self absorbed and like to see my face in a painting.
or i like to see what people can create.




I almost laughed a few times because they were discussing how to connect their cameras to the computer. "You just stick that little electrical thingy in the hole." haha. they were great, though. they talked about boobs, when they were "hippies", dresses they used to have, and the election.

it's nice to live in a world where you can sit on your ass and people give you a bit of cash.

mhmm.

i'm watching david bowie music videos without sound. It's more entertaining than you might imagine.

I think one of the saddest feelings ever is hearing a song that reminds you of something you cannot return to. Not a relationship or anything. Maybe just a moment that at the time you took for granted.

I remember sitting on the swing outside at my mom's house, it smelled like honeysuccle and I was really enjoying the alone time. when you're a kid, there is no god. its you against the world. and you dont know yet that the world won't love you unless you've got nice cheekbones and pink pouty lips. you just play in the leaves while they talk about how tacky your dress is.

i love alone time...but eventually that gets old...you get sick of hearing the sound of your voice only....especially my voice. i feel both shallow and vain, and self loathing and undeserving of shit. i feel very uneasy often........it'd make things easier if we could just be satisfied without the need for change.

I'm learning to appreciate, though. Which i guess is a big part of learning to be satisfied. I have a strange love/hate relationship with the south. I grew up being such a neurotic little shit, going on about what s shithole this place is, all the religious loonies and backwards ideas...well it is true...i guess all that time i was bitching i idn't realize how attached i was becoming to certain places, certain comforts. I've got a head full of memories involving humid nights and too many misquitos.

i also feel extremely happy with the change of weather....to feel a breeze and hear my sneakers on the concrete.

Yeah, i'm learning to be satisfied. I want to learn more. I need to know some kind of peace. i want to talk about stars and dancing naked an have a softness to my voice again, i want to smile instead of scowl at people so they don't see that i'm afraid of evrything from big to small...i want to hurt the people that have hurt me and then make it all better again. i want to speak in kisses but i feel too gone for that.

i think there's something important that i've never felt.

first day back to the ole college for another shot at....educating myself

harr harr

I'm no good at the whole school thing, really.

but wish me luck anyway. i'm givin' it one last go.

 

I'd forgotten how wonderful it is.....

i've never been so happy that i started crying. ever.
i hear people talk about doing it.
so...is this just an expression or am i missing out on some serious happies?

you know ithe moment right before you fall asleep, and your subconcious seems to take over.?....my mind just takes off and leads me to the strangest places.
I'll suddenly open my eyes and wonder what the hell i was just thinking about, and why
i love it, though. it's always amused me to see what i might think about were it not for the pressures of day.

i was watching the making of the labyrinth on youtube...becase uh well i'm a nerd with hours to kill....
I miss movies like that, the dark crystal....even the older animated films.
They had a different feel to them. They has really epic storylines and amazing characters.
I feel like any "fantasy" film today just has nothing to it. CGI has replaced all the puppets and such....just doesn't seem like there's as much care and dedication put into them.
CGI actually depresses me....

anyway, I think I mighy send this in as a diy.