Daisy's journals

So I dropped off two DIY sets at Annaliese's house and woke her up, poor thing, hehe. I did get quite a few awesome GG Shirts!!! Can't wait until the sets go live : D.

Also, I got this in the mail, and it made me feel pretty darn good and wanted to share. I can't wait to talk to this girl more, she sounds like someone I would vibe well with. Too bad she fucking lives in India!

Hey,

I was on the first page of Gods Girls as I often do these days and I saw your journal entry.

I read it and nearly fell off my stool : you talk about a three way relationships, you're a Gods Girls and you quote Osho all in one...

You've answered quite a few of my questions and wonders in about 5 seconds.

I am a sannyasin, have been since the age of 7, Prem Abha is the name Osho gave me. I'd love to meet a girl who my partner and I would get on well with. And I'd love to be a Gods Girl (I'm a naturist and I love posing in front of a camera).

So yes, it is possible to do nude pics of yourself, have a three way relationship, and yet be walking towards the light.

I wish my mum could read english, I'd like her to read this and tell me what she thinks.

Thank you for writing this out, you're helping out more people than you even see.

All my love,
M.

P.s. your body here is 19, but how old is your soul? That's why you are doing this. You are a lightworker.





:

So here's the truth. I have a fear of being too happy because everyone else is so fucking miserable. Being happy makes it almost impossible for me to have any friends (which I pretty much don't). Misery makes you capable of attracting attention. Misery  makes you special. Happiness is a universal phenomenon. It's like this sympathy issue... I'm making myself miserable because I don't want others to feel even worse. Happy people hurt the egos of others.

It's totally fucking retarded, but it's true. And it's really dark. Ah, but the people who like me for being happy, the people who respect happy people instead of the sad and depressed... they'll be such amazing people and it'll be worth it. So fuck it... I'm just going to keep on being happy and everyone who CHOOSES to live a shitty life can keep on being miserable with all the other miserables.

Alright, like for instance look at the saints. One saint gouged his eyes out because the eyes allow you to see beauty and lust spawns from this. And he's a SAINT for this! And those other fuckers who would beat themselves in penance. They were seen as virtuous and saintly. Fuck those people. The have serious psychological disorders. These people are not saints.

HAPPY people are saints.

I also have a fear of being too happy because happy people get ignored. It's the miserable people that get love, attention, caring. It's almost like it's virtuous to be sad and depressed.

And this was always my problem as a kid. I was so good and happy all the time that my miserable twin sister got all of the attention. An while sometimes I totally enjoyed being able to slip under the radar, it got really lonely sometimes.

But then I remember that I'm always alone, even when I'm surrounded with people I love, because everything is my creation - an extension of my brain, my perceptions, my reality.

Osho says, "The world consists of miserable people, and nobody is courageous enough to let the whole world go against him; it's too dangerous, too risky. It is better to cling to misery, it keeps you apart of the crowd. Happy, and you are an individual; miserable, you are apart of the crowd - Hindu, Mohammedan, Christian, Indian, Arab, Japanese."

And Brandon and I are dirt poor. The thing is we don't work because we have to, we work because we want to. I've been having to support both of us while we get http://www.yintegrity.com up and running, and it's been really stressful for me. Especially because my only goal in life is to have another girlfriend with Brandon and be a fucking housewife.

Literally, that's all I want to do. Prepare food, clean, and in the rest of the time Brandon and I's girlfriend and I can play and be little kids and run around laughing and climbing trees.

We won't give up, no matter how long it takes us. We've already helped couples around the world. You should see our testimonials. Fuck, it makes me start crying.

Tomorrow I'm dropping of two DIY sets at Annaliese's house. SWEET!

With all my love,
Daisy

So for the past five days or so, I swear to god, I've felt like I've been in a COMA. As a raw foodist, I am totally not used to taking medication like that and it FLOORED me. I was literally sleeping 20 hours a day.

Brandon was getting restless, so I encouraged him to go out, even if it meant I would stay home :(. It was scary, even after taking over 2,000mg of vicodin, I couldn't sleep. I was very peaceful and content, but I couldn't sleep nonetheless.

He met Diana. They were suppose to hang out tonight, but her phone broke or some shit. She called back finally *really* apologetic, pressing the fact that she is not a flake. So they are to hang out on Friday. She's DEFINITELY bisexual, though she claims she's a lesbian, I can tell by the way she's been calling and texting Brandon that she is in love with him. Probably because he's the first MAN she's met in her life. They had plans for Friday and she couldn't even wait and wanted to see him tonight (GOOD THING).

Anyway, here I am... really working on myself. It's tough for the guy to go pick out the other girl, because that in itself brings out insecurities. I've never met this girl, and I almost don't feel involved. It's forcing me to be patient and balanced until Friday when she either accepts the circle or not, and then she's either going to meet me, or say bye to Brandon.

It's an experiment. We're playing with fire here. I'm at the point where I just want to test this shit. See how far I can go. See how much I can destroy my ego. No one said this would be easy. The battle's never over it seems, because I just keep progressing. It's like it doesn't get easier, just more advanced, more tantalizing, more erotic...

Brandon and I are really transcending a lot of bullshit. Our relationship is moving to the next level. I hardly throw up shit any longer. Pain body attacks are non-existent. I'm learning how to take total responsibility without anyone's encouragement but my own.

It's a different thing to listen to Brandon when he tells me to take responsibility, but it's an entirely different thing to listen to myself when I feel an insecurity pop up and go straight to the drawing board, listing out solutions on what I CAN do, proactively, without anyone's suggestion but my own.

Like I'm finally realizing it's not Brandon's job to babysit me any more. It's my job to start taking action too, meeting him half way. It's not his job to sit there and tell me to meditate, or take responsibility. Once I can do these things on my own (realistically I won't be able to do this *every* time), but I mean take care of this shit, so our love life can be so much more fulfilling.

Like for instance, I saw this GNARLY porn Brandon downloading. VERY dominant. This girl was almost being tortured! She was being forced to pry open her anus with both her hands and take it in the ass and choke (not gag), but literally choke on this guy's cock. While it wasn't necessarily something I would enjoy, it did make me feel insecure about my lovemaking.

I went straight to the drawing board.

I've gone from being insecure and taking it out on Brandon, to pouring myself a glass of wine and researching and reading on how to give the best, mindblowing orgasms, and researching on all the best ways to be more comfortable with gagging, and anal, etc.

*blush* I'm making myself pretty vulnerble here ;).

My growth as been evident in other areas as well. Especially with the help of Ghita. She sent me one AMAZING e-mail. She always sends me e-mails when I need them the most.

I've come to so many realizations about my own femininity. Realizing that it's never my job to *make* Brandon happy, or pull him out of a cave, but to make his job easier and more comfortable. To energize my inner child by playing in the sunshine, so that my life force energy is present for Brandon to be healed by.

Not only that, but realizing that happiness is available to me at ANY time, and ANY moment. That happiness does not start when I am 5 pounds lighter, or $20 richer. That happiness doesn't *happen*. It just is there. An option. Something for me to choose.

Successful and happy people don't become that way by waiting for things to be more convenient. Happy people aren't happy because they achieved something. They just are that way.

I'm not going to be more happy when I make more money, or move out of this dark garage, or find a circle. It's a choice.

All of this is a choice...

It has nothing to do with learning more, accumulating more...and EVERYTHING to do with letting go.

*takes sip of wine*

I feel like I should take a bow after that. Fucking ego.

A few days ago I quit my job. It was really cool at first, but I really don't trust the owners. I have a bullshit detector like you wouldn't believe. And because I am balanced and can trust my intuition, I quit. There was a number of reasons I could go into... namely they wouldn't give me 50% commission, and instead told me I'd get 40% AND have to pay for all my supplies.

I have NEVER worked at a tattoo shop where they didn't at least give me 50% AND paid for all of my supplies.

But, I live in LA. It'll be a piece of cake finding another job. Most people have this misconception that it's really hard to find a job piercing/tattooing...but it's the easiest job I've ever been able to get. Finding the right place with the right people is the hardest part.

I never work because  I have to, I work because I WANT to. So I'll never stay at a place that isn't going to add value to my life.

In other news, I'm doing a cleanse. Calcium Bentonite Clay in the morning/master cleanse during the day and night. 

Who wants to hang out? I need some feminine energy.

:party::nuts::pizza::skull:

So I'm photoshopping the DIY set I shot yesterday and let me tell you, it's pretty fucking awesome. I'm super excited to send it in. It's *really* good quality, and the set will probably be over 100 photos. I definitely wanted to make a good *first* impression, and not to skimp you guys on lots of pictures. :thumbs:

On another note, last night I had a HUGE headache. I find that when I get a headache it is usually as a result of judging myself in some way, or in other words, not accepting myself fully as I am.

I got home, immediately laid down on our "super bed" and just repeated to myself, "I accept myself fully as I am", "I accept myself fully as I am". Though, I didn't just say it, hoping something would happen. I actually felt it. I accepted that I chose a headache, taking 100% responsibility for creating my own reality, and the headache eventually faded away. :toothygrin:

I'm going to start posting Yintegrity NL for your enjoyment. My boyfriend and I founded yintegrity.com, and we write this NL when we are very inspired. We take a lot of time writing these up and these are all based on experience...so here is our latest one: The Rough Path of Relationship Acceptance. You are either going to love it or hate it.

Yintegrity -- The Future Of Femininity & Heart Consciousness

"The Rough Path Of Relationship Acceptance"

Dearest Reader,

Are relationships meant to get unstable and unhappy?

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If you would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please go to
www.yintegrity.com and fill out your name and email address (which is
kept 100% confidential). To unsubscribe, scroll down to the bottom
at anytime and click the link to unsubscribe. Thank you.
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In a relationship that challenges a woman to GROW, things can get
CHALLENGING at certain points along it.

For most of us, we have never had to GROW SO MUCH in our entire
lives before we have entered and chosen a more CONSCIOUS
relationship - rather than a trickster, game playing one.

Relationships have one of the BIGGEST learning curves of any
experience that women go through.

Sometimes we make BIG leaps in our relationships!

We learn something and get through a great problem. And when we
look back .. a while, we can't BELIEVE we were living that way!

It feels good to come out on top.

When some couples go through a challenge together, for instance a
long period of arguing and fighting, and then come out on top, they
want to STAY on top.

They want to do ANYTHING but fall back into another hole of
relationship tension.

Usually, things can't help but fall back into that hole when we are
still getting through the preliminary humps of relationship trouble.

(This is when MOST people bail out of relationships. They see
problems
and eject like they are in a plane falling out of the sky).

The stubborn ones stick it out!

When things start to get rough again, we don't want it to go back
to the way things were, so we *pretend* everything is OK to other
people, even sometimes to ourselves.

Instead of accepting the fact that relationships are roller
coasters, we want to prove to others that everything is fine...
ESPECIALLY when we actually start taking conscious responsibility
of our relationship.

It's the ego stepping in and telling us that we are f*cking good at
something! Be proud of it!

We now have something to prove to our friends and family that we
were RIGHT, even if we have said nothing about our relationship to
them at all.

Our righteousness becomes the sclerosis on our new found glory.

We found the magic pill, and now everything "should" be just fine!

But this is yet another learning lesson.

Relationships take a LONG TIME to get success in!

It's not something that happens over night, like we are led to
believe.

It's not the other person that will give us happiness, we must
learn to deal with our own inner messiness.

We all think that we will find someone else to pull us out of our
misery or loneliness, but that is not the really the truth.

Where DOES the loneliness come from?

Where DOES the pain come from?

It comes from *within*.

Look, the fact is that relationships, in the end, are
unpredictable.

They are as unpredictable as the tides and swells of the ocean.

They are as unpredictable as what will be "hot" in next fall's
fashion lineup.

When we PRETEND that the relationship is OK (against our inner
knowing) when it's actually in a lull, we strangle its life force.

We strangle our own life force.

Acceptance allows things to be loose and flexible and allows for
things to BREATHE.

When we don't accept things the way they are and force the belief
on ourselves that relationships are "suppose to be secure", it
becomes secured in its pain.

It stops growing.

It is like a small flower that has stopped receiving light and water.

It shrivels up, gets rigid and stale and decays - more and more
problems build until its ultimate demise.

What allows the rain to come back, what allows the relationship to
breathe again is not a condemnation of how things are by pretending
that things are another way, but an ACCEPTANCE of things as they
right at this moment.

Every relationship goes through hard times, and we must pay
particular attention to our heart... the root of acceptance.

Our heart is what allows us to accept ourselves. It allows us to
accept our relationship as it is.

This is what allows a relationship to flourish!

But when we go through pain and grief in a relationship, our heart
closes down.

Our ability to accept is further compromised.

Pain and grief literally become blocks of love and acceptance.

Feeling pain over and over can close down the heart over time to a
very large extent... if we do nothing about it.

It becomes a cycle.

When we enter these cycles, we must realize this is one reason why
we GET INTO relationships.

They teach us things we would never have learned on our own.

We become more vulnerable and allow our own inner turmoil to come
to the surface.

We are given the opportunity to learn from it and transcend it to
peace and a never ending flow of love.

For some of us, it takes us MANY relationships and problems to
finally "get" the problem.

Then, we can let it go.

But it can take time... and definitely patience and absolutely
acceptance.

Acceptance is our golden key.

Acceptance of everything within us presents acceptance of
everything without us, including our s e xual relationships.

Thanks for reading and see you soon!

With honor,

Brandon

www.yintegrity.com

PS - Testimonials! Send them if you would like to give us one.
We are REAL people that go beyond this computer screen and we will
send you back an email of gratitude if you send us your thanks.

PPS - You can download our eBook RIGHT NOW and be reading all the
chapters within minutes by clicking here:

http://payloadz.com/go/sip?id=346146

I HIGHLY recommend cutting back on the apple martinis to pick up a
copy ;)

Included is everything from “male psychology” to the ins and outs
of heart conscious dating, s e xuality, deeply intimate
relationships and BEYOND - It’s for single women all the way to
married women... even bisexual women...even many men have written
in and explain how it’s changed them! Who knew? It is THE book
for the balancing of a woman.

So, bam...there's a nice default picture of my ass just to start things off the right way. I'm shy, haha...not. :clown:

I'm excited to finally be on the site! I'm going to spend the next two hours lurking ;). I'm doing two DIY shoots on Saturday which I'm hoping will turn out good quality. :crossed:

So, hello everyone! I can't wait to get to know you ladies and members.

:sleazy:

You'll quickly find out that I'm a big fan of using these :skull::clap::pizza:in my posts.