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Cyn's journals<< back to Cyn's profile
Honesty....
posted : 09/16/07 03:57 pm pst listening to: Flyleaf Honesty:
Latley I dont know how to feel its like one minute Im happy then the next minute I Dont know why but Im not happy its weird I just have so much things to think about & so much crap has happened to me I dont know weither Im over it or not & I keep thinkin how I wish I could go back & change things like my mom being sick I wish that I could go back & change alot of the horrible things I Did when I was younger & my dog passing away I wish I could go back & do something about that its just lil things like that I Dont know maybe Im just being silly & a lil selfish but I just hate wondering with the what ifs... Its like its in my head & it doesnt want to leave I understand that shit happens but what does shit happen as much as it does can we prevent or is it just going to happen weither you try or not..do you think if you actully tried that something would change or do you think it would just be all the same.. I mean I always thought that trying & working on something would change it but honestly I dont think it does maybe it does if you are lucky but It didnt for me like my dog she was stolen & such & I tried to get her to go back to the way she was when I had her & the the way I trained her & nothing worked instead she passed away.. am I even making any sence at all? or am I just babbling on about nothing? I dunno anymore Im so confused.. I just wish life would have me some bright stars & some luck dust you know what I mean lol... ah Im off Im going to lay in bed since Im a lil sick & listen to some flyleaf which is a really good band I totally love them & cant stop listening to them, them & the new matthew good song called born losers I love it..& honestly I dont even like matthew good that much.. xo
My mommy has Cancer:(
posted : 09/10/07 04:26 pm pst listening to: Just drinkin red bull I think I need to lay off the redbull Ive had two & Im on my third lol...dammit Ill have to go pick some more up lol...
So the weekend was really good other then not getting my new camera but I talked it out with my baby & he said as long as I help him pay it off then we will go buy one when he comes home wednesday morning..Im excited I cant wait to get it Im getting the Canon Rebel XTi 10.1 Im super excited Ive wanted it for so long & the sets I sent in are done with my shitty 4.0 my new sony got broken before my Serenity passed away she broke it with her tail lol...strong tail lol... This week we shopped all week I got a canon printer for my new camera thats Im hopefully getting..a dark pink IPOD player to play all my ipod songs that I have on my ipod lol..6 dvds, lakehouse, shooter, premonition, ghost rider, disturbia & click. my bunny rabbit got a new cage cause hes a fat ass & is too big for his cage lol.. its bigger then my kitchen table with two floors & stairs lol.. I also got a Nintendo DS its pink ...wish two games mario & raymond YES!! can you say addicting lol..we also baught a surround sound system its pretty kill.her lol... Then we went to Oshawas Rib fest lol..it was kill.her I got to hang out with my family got to see my mommy & daddy I missed them my mommy found out uhm last week I think it was or the week before that she has cancer & I was really upset but I Didnt want to show it to her because I didnt want her to get upset..but she went into surgery on friday & then I got to see her the next day at rib fest she also went & got married in vegas to my dad I have photos they are so adorible it looks like my daddy was going to cry during the wedding I wish I could have been there  but they did bring me back a beautiful dress...I love it..& its black lol...YES!!!But they are getting married again for the whole family to see cause they kinda noticed that alot of us were upset about not being able to be there..so at rib fest my mommy showed me the wedding dress she had baught earlier that day I love it..she said I can wear it if I wanted to if & when I Get married...Id add onto it though ...lol well now that your updated lol... Im going to go drink some red bull & eat some hickory sticks watch some movies... xoxo
My first DIY
posted : 09/03/07 09:34 pm pst listening to: Watching Mr.Deeds Ooh my god I am super & so excited that my DIY is up I cant wait for more lol..
Im like a little kid in the candy store I love this.. Its so weird to see myself on a website but Im loving it so much thankyou so much for all the comments everybody Im totally stocked I just dont know what to say hee hee I am a lil school girl sometimes on certain things lol! I love you all so much! xoxo
Photoshoot
posted : 09/03/07 12:03 pm pst listening to: Underworld Evolution the movie Hey I havnt written in a bit, Ive just been so busy Im going to make some diys when I feel like washing my hair lol...Ive been so lazy & my hair is so nasty I havnt really slept latley I think thats why its getting harder & harder for me to fall asleep but when I do I Dont sleep long which sucks some major ass...
I bet I would have gotten my money in the mail today if it was a god damn holiday stupid holiday grr lol...eh I got money from the shoot on friday I think I Might buy my bunny a bigger cage hes a fat ass so he needs one lol...or just the fact that I can give him more goodies in it either way my dunno lol.. but here are some photographs from my photoshoot with bob house in belleville I had so much fun I think these are my favs in a long time... I actully have naked tata ones but I havnt went through them all for GG going through them once was for the other sites now I have to go through the discs again to get ones for GG..there are naked tata ones in there that I can put up when Im not being lazy lol.. What'cha think?        And here are ones of me & my Stefanee isnt she gorgeous..I love her to death!      xoxo
Im sick real sick ICK..
posted : 08/28/07 12:57 pm pst listening to: Dont you put it in your mouth Today Im so sick I dont know weither its from the red lobster last night or just being out & about way too much none stop since derek was home on the weekend...he went back to work today...
But what really made me giggle was this video.. This is my video for today got bored..& didnt feel like typing much talking is easier lol... xoxo
Video Blog...
posted : 08/22/07 11:13 pm pst listening to: Drinking lots of pink pop I dont know whats up with me today but I am so fucking thirsty..
New Hair..
posted : 08/17/07 06:50 pm pst listening to: Watching ONE TREE HILL... So I dyed my hair again lol..got sick of the black & the parts in it...lol had it long enough..
so I bleached as much as the black out as I could I fucking hate salon dye so much its not even funny its a bitch to bleach out..I like my box dye salon dye never again! Anyways Its a nice Ultra Violet now..but this is going to be short Ill attatch photographs cause Im going to head into the showerI feel like shit...maybe take a nap in the shower..I do that sometimes.. So here it is..Whatcha Fink? (dont mind the hair I got pissed off and cut my bangs into fill acrossed bangs so sick of the same hair cut..waiting for hairdresser lol..) (also I had a photoshoot with bob house hes pretty amazing & I love his photography but here are a few of his images well there all his lol..I cant wait to work with him again..)     xoxo hope you like.. you better lol
DIYs On The Way..
posted : 08/13/07 01:24 pm pst listening to: watching my soap opera So I sent my DIYs out today through UPS..so Im excited they should be there 5-7 days so I Hope that they get there...
Im excited as I can be... Thankyou to everybody that read my blog on my baby girl I miss Serenity so much its so hard I dont know how to think or what to think I dont deal with deaths very well at all... 3 people I love died last year all in one week so that was really hard I thought the hardship would be done with I guess now.. all things come in threes... so the car broke down my baby girl passed away & the car broke down again today (were going to get a new car we better) so its getting hard hopefully everything will get back to normal.. Alot of you asked how she died well.. My abusive roommate when I was out of the house decided to give her away.. so when I got her back she wasnt the same & she was very depressed & sick & then a week after that my supose friend was supose to babysit her & he decided to keep her & wouldnt give her back so I had to go to the cops & everything bla bla bla so in the end that guys friend got her back for me.. & then she just wasnt the same she wouldnt eat we fed her everything & anything tried to power feed her everything she wouldnt gain anything then she attacked my kitty HE IS OKAY though... So she was sleeping when she passed away.. from all that shit which I feel so bad like Its all my fault its really hard cause I feel like I could have done better & Honestly I just really really really want her back so bad I cry everynight & I look through her photo album everyday & every time before bed.. it seems like it gets harder & harder. I hate this.
My puppy past away:(
posted : 08/12/07 08:50 pm pst listening to: Watching my boyfriend do a tattoo on my gf.. So yesterday I went to take my puppy out of her cage, & she was curled into how she sleeps so my baby said cause he didnt want me to see her so I wasnt alowed to..
but he said her name over & over again I didnt know what to think I just looked at him cause he had that look in his eyes like ooh shit what do I say to her to make her feel better but he didnt know what to say so he just kinda stood there & at that second he had that look in his eyes I Knew that she had died & I didnt know what to do but freak out & cry & cry & cry I honestly cant believe it all I want to do is have her back shes my baby.. Even though she wasnt the same dog before she was stolen from me, she was still my puppy deep down inside & I miss her so much so derek gave her a bath & barried her with her coat some treats, a letter..& her collar off of her neck since she never liked it...but its the only one shed keep on so he put the letter & treats by her face & her collar around her tummy & put her coat on her... I love her & miss her so much & felt so bad barrying her I hate the fact that she is outside..I dont know I just miss her so much & I dont know why it feels so wrong bad things come in theres & Im not looking forward to the third thing..at all I just miss her & love her so much & hope that she is resting in peace..   REST IN PEACE LITTLE GIRL I LOVE YOU & MISS YOU I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN  She is my Serenity, she stood by me, & took care of me...she watched over me for so long till an evil man took her away & changed her for the worse..I miss my serenity either way.. Serenity March 04 2005 - Aug 11 2007 xoxo
Another DIY preview...
posted : 08/07/07 05:21 pm pst listening to: DROOLING Over Shaynas NEW DIY So I thought Id write a blog but Im tired & lazy & so on I did open an account on youtube so Ill be having alot of videos up there I have a vid on my camera right now just have to upload it Ill do it later lol..
Here are two samples of my DIY sets to come....no thankyou to Toryn the best..god I Love her...to death.. her sets make me smile cause she has so much fun in them you can tell..I love her good morning set.. it was so cute..and her pjs totally want them lol... Ooh Shaynas new set is to die for I totally love it fell inlove with her the moment I met her but her set is so so so hot...I adore it...she looks amazing like usual...she always makes me drool lol... Enjoy ladies & gents...   xoxo |
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