Chelsea's journals

I got some very upsetting news today.  My grandmother, who I am very, very close to was diagnosed with a genetic disorder call Hemochromatosis.  What this means is that her body cannot release iron, and instead stores it.  This overabundance of iron can attack the liver, kidneys, stomach, and other vital organs.  Supposedly because she has the heterozygous form, it is completely manageable with proper diet and monitoring.  This is the good news.  People can and do die from complications caused by hemochromatosis, and I am very nervous.  The other bad news is that because is genetic, I am not sure if I have it or not.  It isn't incredibly uncommon for people of northern European decent, such as Norwegian or Danish.  I am both. For some reason it is rarely tested for, so next time I get bood work I have to be sure to ask them to test for it.  I am more nervous for my grandmother than myself, as it is recessive, but it can't hurt to be sure.  I am really quite sad, because my grandmother and I spent a lot of time together when I was growing up, as my Mom was busy with 3 jobs.  I still visit my grandparents frequently and love them more than anything in the world.  This is too sad for me to keep typing about so I am going to move on to WAY better news, but I will leave you with a picture of my beautiful Gramy (Ive always insisted that Grammy should have only one 'M').


So today Feast 2 came out on DVD.  For those of you who don't know, it's a movie I was in about monsters, blood, gore, etc.  I have been getting lots of positive feedback from people, and I am so glad it's being watched and enjoyed.  I was honestly pretty nervous because I gained quite a bit of weight during filming, due to the fact that there was very few vegan options in Shreveport, Louisiana, and PB&J isn't exactly "health food"....I expected some less than favorable reviews, knowing that B rated spoof horror sequels aren't for everyone, but luckily none of them said "The red head is TOO BIG to wear THAT LITTLE!"  That's good news.  I am scheduled to return to LA within the next few weeks to come out and do reshoots for Feast 3, which means cutting my hair again, which SUCKS, but hey, that's show business, right?  By the way, can anyone afford $2000 to pay my SAG dues?  (just kidding....kind of....I sure could use health insurance though....)  I really hope you see Feast 2...really.  Of course, I'd love it most if you would BUY IT as to support the love and the creation of gratuitous, ridiculous monster flicks, but at least netflix it if you cant afford the $13....and even if you hate it, you will always love me...so pretend for my sake that it was AWESOME.


The slow season is finally over at the strip clubs, so I am finally able to make a little bit of extra cash.  I am really happy about that.  I have needed to go food shopping for so long!  I am so excited to cook.  I am trying to arrange some sort of travel plans for around Dec or Jan..Australia maybe?  We all know who lives in Australia! 


The next and last thing I wanted to tell you about is a story from the other night, when Katie Supple, my friend Matt Morren, and I were all drinking at my house.  I, of course had had one too many, and was trying desperately to convince our DVD player to accept Season 3, Disk 2 of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  That little bugger just would not play, but instead spun 'round and 'round in the tray making a weird revving sound.  Before I had any idea what I was saying, I exclaimed, "IT SOUNDS LIKE A MOTORCYCLE TIGER LIVES IN TAHT DVD PLAYER"....there was much laughter at my expense, but I embraced my stupidity and deemed the motorcycle tiger as the most badass creature of all time....so much so that I let Matt tattoo one on me yesterday. 


In closing, my life is pretty good, except illness is creeping up on my loved ones.  If you are one of those people who believe in god, say a little prayer...Gram believes in that guy.  He won't listen to my blaspheming ass though.  If you are like me and dont subscribe to religious beliefs, try hoping...ok?  I still don't think I am going to date any boys for awhile.  Ive flirted with a few, kissed a few, and find myself greatly disappointed.  I am not in the throes of misery due to a bad breakup, but I do think that good relationships are where it's at, and smooching randoms is super lame.  When (if) love comes again, I will hold tightly.  When it leaves again, I will let go lightly. 

I almost forgot...that reminds me of some brilliant stripper philosophy.  I love loud, opinionated black women.  They are some of my absolute favorites, because although most people tune them out (they are, of course, black women...and in our white male society, they are pretty much the bottom of the totem pole, with only middle easterns behind them)....but if you listen, they have something to say...ESPECIALLY if they spin around poles for a living.  One girl, Summer, was lecturing another about life and love.  She said, in a rather loud and rather slangily,
"GIRL---You ain't never gon' meet a man who ain't gon disappoint you.  You better learn to make YO'SELF happy, because ain't no one gon' do it for you.  And even if you ARE one o' those lucky ass motherfuckers who falls in looooove and gets married and has kids and dogs an' all that shit, that motherfucker is STILL gon disappoint you.  Everyone in the worl' is gon' put themselves first an' you second, so you best start doin' what you got to do to make happiness come to yourself."

That was the day I fell in love with Summer.  I listen very closely whenever she's in the dressing room now, although, she is so loud that I guess I dont have to listen THAT closely.

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So, after moving to Texas, going through a super traumatic/dramatic breakup, getting my car broken into, housing a million hurricane refugees at my house (including the lovely Paula), my movie premiere, a vacation to Phoenix with Supple, and about 10000 other super busy things, life is finally starting to feel normal again.  Breakups are always weird because you dedicate all this time to someone and then all of a sudden they are gone and your days feel empty.  Being super busy and catching up with old friends has been incredible.  I got to see a very favorite of mine, Steve from Scary Kids Scaring Kids on their last day of tour.  I also went on a pretty fucking epic boat party with free booze and my little sister and some of the cast of Feast 2 and the writer, Marcus Dunstan.  I got invited to a costume wedding, and am having a hard time deciding whether I want to be a matador, a toy soldier, or the old staple, a sailor.  I can't wait.  Weddings are great.  I always get teary eyed, even if I don't know the people...I am just so happy that people believe in love that much....

There were lots of questions about GodsGirls at the Feast 2 premiere.  I got to talk all about these lovely ladies in front of a bunch of horror geeks, which was super duper awesome.  The DVD doesnt come out until Oct 7, but I get to see a second screening of it on Wednesday which is scary.  Its strange to see yourself on film. 

Anyway, Im adjusting to being single again and surprisingly I am enjoying it.  I miss the fuck out of Nick, but things got really messy in the end and it made it much easier to walk away.  Its never fun to hang on to something really ugly.  I still can't really picture myself dating anyone else, which is fine.  Ive hung out with a couple boys, but you know...I guess part of growing up is not wanting to sleep with every cute boy you see.  Flirting is more than good enough for now.  Yahtzee parties are back in action.  If you live in Austin Texas and are awesome at drinking beer and throwing dice, you are totally invited.

Here is a picture of what I look like now.  enjoy it while it lasts, I have to shave it back down and make it red again for reshoots of Feast 3.  eep.



ive been missing you guys.  I hope we can all be friends again!

watch this

Its official.  I am signing my lease this week for my apartment in Austin, TX! 
I can't wait to be closer to Supple <3 
Right now Im in CT at Mr. Baxter's house babysitting his kitty cats while he goes to his TX house and decides how he wants to decorate or something?  Austin is the best city evar.  I am happy.

So this tournament thing is going on.  Rue and I are just about tied, which makes me feel like whoever wins, I kinda win anyway, seeing as though I accepted Rue and think she is one of the hottest girls ever.  I am proud to be neck and neck with her! 
http://www.godsgirls.com/forum/viewtopic.go vote for someone!

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It's 2:25 AM in Phoenix, AZ. Today I danced at a club called "Dream Palace" in Tempe. I always heard DP was kind of trashy, and that sounded fun and adventurous, so I decided to check it out. Let me tell ya, it's not as trashy as I'd hoped. What is cool about this place is that instead of lapdances, girls sell "private shows" which take place in these little "rooms" (more like booths) with tiny stages. It made me think of Charlotte at peeps, so I liked it. I didn't sell any private shows, as I worked during the day, but you know, it was fun anyway. DP is a nude club, which makes it one of the only places in the valley where girls under 19 can dance, so there were a lot of really young girls who wanted to talk about their dysfunctional relationships, which made me feel really youthful and fun.

I left there at 10 PM and headed over to a bar in Scottsdale called Mardi Gras. When I lived in AZ, I used to run a lingerie show. I caught word that tonight was the last one ever, so I swung on by and did a pro-bono performance in order to be reunited with my friends, who at one time were like distant family to me. I love those girls. We have had some really interesting times together.
Having been stripping for the past few months, I forgot what it was like to dance on podiums without a pole to hang on to...it suddenly became clear to me why I always wore clunky boots....so I said fuck it and put on my new (vintage) 80's cowboy boots (which look way more Cyndi Lauper than Loretta Lynn, but whatever....) It was a hit. People thought it was funny seeing some girl decked out in some fancy lingerie and weird boots with a pack of american spirits in them....

Now it's late and I'm sitting here with an urban outfitters bag on my head. Im dying my hair. I always think I look really cute with plastic bags or shower caps over my hair, but I'm pretty sure I'm delusional and that it's not the case. The Nick gets here in a few hours (seriously, what an awesome boyfriend, he is flying out to PHX to see me for one day between tattoo appts. amazing.) I will be waiting for him at the airport with half a grapefruit, blue hair, and more pent up sexual energy than a room full of cats in heat.
xxx
chelsea

it’s here.  the most important tangible object in the world.  a new power source for my macbook.  Hallelujah, I thought the world might be coming to an end.  6 weeks without the internet is not only social suicide in some circles, but is about as cruel and unusual as chinese water torture.  I almost feel as though I have forgotten how to type....it’s heavenly to be back.

Before I begin telling tales of the last month, I have a question:  Why is a house coffee $1.75 but an iced coffee $3.15?  That is some doggone expensive ice!  Get it together, "It’s a Grind!"

So I guess I’ll start by addressing the question I keep getting from every corner.  No, I am not quitting GodsGirls.  Annaliese and I may have had a slight misunderstanding that may have led to a few weeks of us not really communicating as well as we have in the past (as all friends have at some point, no?)  and it’s true that I do plan ..ing a solo site at some point,  yes, it’s also true that I model for Burning Angel, but alas, I am still a GodsGirl...I just haven’t been around as often as I once had.  So don’t panic....I’m right here.

The other hot topic recently has been my love life.  I logged into myspace today for the first time in awhile and I have about 30 messages all pertaining to my romantic endeavors...so yeah.  I’m saying it on the internet, which obviously makes it true.  I have a boyfriend.  His name is Nick.  he makes tattoos.  He lives in Connecticut. 

That is very far away from Los Angeles.  That makes me sad.  This brings me to the next uhmmmm....topic.
..


I am leaving Los Angeles.  For real this time.  Moving.  My lease is finally up and I am so excited to embark on new adventures in new (and old) cities.  I am leaving here on March 31 in my car.  If anyone wants to hitch a ride from once city to another, offer a couch for me and Ruby to crash on (Ruby is a small cat), be my friend and bring me for vegan food, book me for photo shoots,  give advice on what strip clubs are best to dance at in any of the following cities, or tell me about any random roadside attractions, feel free.  I love those things.
PHOENIX, AZ
EL PASO, TX
AUSTIN, TX
SHREVEPORT, LA
MEMPHIS, TN
NASHVILLE, TN
OXFORD, OH
I will end up in Northern New Jersey.  This is kind of a big deal for me.  I have never been on a long road trip, certainly not by myself.  I would love mix CDs.  email me playlists or mail me cds please!  I need them!

Other things I have done include:
Danced at the Starlight Tattoo opening in Vegas.  Here is a photo of me being a retard with other retarded people. 


There are more right around here.


I went on vacation with my family.  They are fucking insane.  Here is the most adorable photo of my grandmother in history. 


and the rest.

2a. Freudian Projection

The following is a collection of definitions of projection from orthodox psychology texts. In this system the distinct mechanism of projecting own unconscious or undesirable characteristics onto an opponent is called Freudian Projection.

"A defense mechanism in which the individual attributes to other people impulses and traits that he himself has but cannot accept. It is especially likely to occur when the person lacks insight into his own impulses and traits."

"The externalisation of internal unconscious wishes, desires or emotions on to other people. So, for example, someone who feels subconsciously that they have a powerful latent homosexual drive may not acknowledge this consciously, but it may show in their readiness to suspect others of being homosexual."

"Attributing one's own undesirable traits to other people or agencies, e.g., an aggressive man accuses other people of being hostile."

"The individual perceives in others the motive he denies having himself. Thus the cheat is sure that everyone else is dishonest. The would-be adulterer accuses his wife of infidelity."

"People attribute their own undesirable traits onto others. An individual who unconsciously recognises his or her aggressive tendencies may then see other people acting in an excessively aggressive way."

"Projection is the opposite defence mechanism to identification. We project our own unpleasant feelings onto someone else and blame them for having thoughts that we really have."