GodsGirl : Bunny > journals > reading "the winter ache"
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I feel the world turning beneath my moving feet. While it all passes me I begin to notice the changes around me, the changes within me, but I am stationary.
Nothing moves in this town.
People just get mean and bitter.
Talk and talk of all the things they'll never do, but my God they want to.
The weather gives me the blues, even on the best of days.
It's all work and nothing else. My empty bed screams at me as I lay my head in it. No matter how much I plead for it to stop, it throws questions in to the cycles of my mind and they spin there, suspend there, gaining heat and momentum and dread.
It's all so re pi ti tious overandoverand over. again. andagainandagainandagain. (and again).
There's so much potential, but it sits in my fingertips, sticks to my teeth.
It's trapped because there's no outlet.
Nothing to save or change or create.
Just the silence of my room when I turn the music off.
Can't sleep with noise if your arms aren't wrapped around me.
nothing to occupy the silence but my own self deprecating thought patterns.
I'm reaching my hands out to all of you vacant strangers that used to sleep on my couch.
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Bunny
I'm glad things got better for you.
I know that when I move it's all going to change .. it's just the waiting part I can't stand.
Serena
Wow. That was really pretty, and really true for many people I'm sure. <3
Bunny
thank you pretty lady.
Serena
<333
wychlea
These are lovely words, and sentiments. And I think many of us have had these feelings.
Take the plunge and move to one of those places you talked about in your last journal. A larger city will offer more opportunity and if there is someoen to move there for, well, that's just the icing on the cake. :)
OXOX
Bunny
I think I've set my moving date for February.
This all depending upon how quickly I can get a second job of course.
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Thats actually very pretty. I felt a lot like that last year when I moved into my own place closer to the city last year. I was so used to having people around all the time, used to being around campus, used to painting, used to going to shows. All I did was work when I moved. I finally rekindled some old friendships, made some new ones. Laid back, but artsy type people that make me happy. They even got me painting again for the first time since I moved. I've felt really good about where I am for the last few months. I hope things work out for you soon. Sometimes change is necessary for things to work out for the best, even if it doesn't seem that way in the beginning.