Amythia's journals

I'm studying.




My bedroom.
Dingo not included usually...?

This photo is for you.  It was taken yesterday, just before I found out you passed away.  The previous photos in this series gave us light leaks that got worse and worse.  And then some how, the very last image, which was the most meditative position of all, turned out to have no light leaks whatsoever.  It is such a powerful image...

untitled no. 13 photographed by therealAARONDUNN

I know you would have appreciated it a lot.  It reminds me of those dates we had at Oolong tea house, discussing the downfall of humankind, and the need for enlightenment and knowledge.  Yet some how, in between the lines and around the corners we always seemed to keep that intimacy skimming just under the surface.  You liked my vagina, and said my nipples are perfect.

It tears my insides apart thinking I will never be able to surround myself in your embrace.  It hurts to remember your smell and the look in your eyes when they lit up after we realize we were thinking the same profound thought.  Your giggle was so easily unleashed and your grin always made me grin. 

I think back when I could have seen you last, at your birthday party, which I said I would go.  But I did not.  And I wonder why I did not talk to you to make up for it...  I suppose I was enamered with some one else, you got pushed a little bit away.  Were you on MSN the night you died? Was I on?  Was I able to chat with you?  I don't even know what happened.  Did you think of me?

How do you know how much time to spend with which friends?  No one has expire dates on their watches, ticking away to warning others of death (Remember, You Will Die).  I find it fitting and ironic that right after I post an entry about death, that I experience death for the first time.  I've experienced death before, but it was with people I did not know well, or it was expeccted because of old age, or a traumatizing life. 

But this untimely death.  What friend leaves you like this?  No warning signs whatsoever, except for an ambigious facebook status: is looking forward to whatever comes next.  Did you plan it? 

I understand completely, Sean, if you did.  Did you look forward to death as I mentioned in my previous post?  either way, how is it?  Could you tell me? Whatever happened next for you?  I hope it's sweet.  Sweet enough to leave me with only memories.  Memories of dragging you to the sex trade show.  Of fighting with you on the internet.  Of talking of love, life and spirituality.

I was thinking of wishing you well in what you have gotten yourself into, but perhaps you are better off then me now, and you must wish me luck in my own life as I continue to walk this earth.  And you...  Well you cease to exist. 

And because of you I dare not sleep...  So many questions. I'll never know.

Yours Truly, A.

PS: untitled no. 13.  Sean, are you playing with me?

"There are 13 crystal skulls that the ancient Mayan tribe passed legend to. It is foretold that when these 13 crystal skulls are reunited, they have the power to save humanity from a horrible catastrophe. All 13 skulls must be reunited by December 21, 2012, which is the marked doomsday, the last day recorded on the Mayan calendar. There are supposedly 4 of the 13 ancient quartz skulls found thus far."

Will you lend an ear this way?  I have something to say.  Inspired by the watch I posted in my previous entry.  (And by the way, Farhaad, I think when I went on that website it is a couple hundred dollars.  Less then 400 I'm sure of it)

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost

Through our history and our society, we've feared death.  We have geared technology and studies to prolonging life so that we may avoid death for longer.  Yet in the cultured corners of our world, in art and theater, momento mori is constantly shoved in out faces.  But we still continue the rat race for longer life.

But I actually don't want to moan about how people fear death.  I want to talk about how I don't.

I almost look forward to death.  I don't even care when it comes.  Because an early death will be no different to an old age death.  At least to me.  Perhaps it's a selfish thing to say and think, because it will definitely be different for those who still live and love and care about me.

Though I had a friend ask me what would happen if he died and I burst into tears.  I must have been fragile then, and silly thing.  Because things happen and there is no sense in worrying about a future event that will manifest some how no matter what we do.

I also have this contempt for life.  Life seems silly to me if we're going to die any ways.  Maybe we live for our children, or we live to create a better world for those who come before us.  But still, we die and who knows if the work we do, under sun will go to any good use or be continued or valued?

For the wise man, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
in days to come both will be forgotten.
Like the fool, the wise man too must die!
So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me.
And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless.
So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun.
For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune.
What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun?
All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.

Ecclesiastes 2:16-23

But I do not hate my life, my life is fine.  I just know and remember that I will die.  And knowing this, it changes a perspective in life.  The thick goggles in which you stare out from to look at the world changes.  Perhaps it clears a little.

Or perhaps it blurs it a little more.  For those who are the fools who work under the sun and live life for their children, and for those who come after them, are they any different from those who know and carry this momento mori around with them like a scholar and his knowledge.

Are those out in the sun light any better off then those in the cave with the shadow puppets and the fire in the allegory of the cave?  Those who fear the end and those who know and do not fear the end because we've seen how things live and die.  Not just seen, but understand and watch. 

And death seems like the next best thing.  The final step.  The last level in which you are done your game and you can... Relax?  I am curious what will happen after death...

... But I also want to live forever.

My summer is filled with sun and good times.  My two lovers relax in the backyard.  Though Aphex clearly wants to go hunting and not be in this uncomfortable position.




My summer is also filled with all sorts of erotic desires.  Here is hemp rope, a jaw spreader and a bamboo rod.

Designer: Crispin Jones for Mr. Jones Watches

I'm turned on.  At 10am? I should stop watching that clip...

---

Yes.  We are stepping in the right direction.  Blunt, and obvious, the masses are turning their heads slowly.  Too slow.  But still turning.  We all know we ravage our lands of resources, now the next step is to actually do something about it, on a global and more drastically changing scale.  We hold too tight on our safety blankets and security guards.  No one wants to step outside of their comfort zone.  No one wants to give up the hummer they drive on the streets, so that I can not get by on my bike along side them when there should be enough room for a bike and vehicle on the road.  Maybe people do not care.  Or they repress any caring feeling, wanting that momentary high when a stranger looks longingly at their possession.  A seed for envy.  No one wants to give up their job in the oil industry.  They don't do it for the well being of any one or anything, they do it for the money.  No one cares? Every one for themselves.

---

I want to fix the world.



Will you help me?  I saw some 2-day rental DVDs at a gas station convenient store.  You buy the DVD, watch it for 2 days, and then it expires, causing the DVD no be useless, null, and void.  It says you can dispose or recycle it.  Who recycles DVDs properly?  Where do you recycle DVDs? I know that in my city I have no seen any readily availible service that will recycle DVDs. (unless DVDs could as electronics).  This throw away society is disguisting me more and more.  What will we think up of next?  Throwing away of thousands and thousands of used tampons and pads into our wastelands?  Oh never mind, every one does it.  Buy boxes and boxes of the newest brand and newest style of tampon or pad.  Extra new features to stop leakage and optimize comfort and convenience (laziness), for extra cost.  Money you spend that is thrown away.  Throw away society.  You make me sick.

---

Vancouver based artist Ben Tour

---

Brazil based street artist EMOL



Reminds me of the symbols they use for the 13moon calender.

---

Your destiny kin:
Crystal Yellow Human

I Dedicate in order to Influence
Universalising Wisdom
I seal the Process of Free Will
With the Crystal tone of Cooperation
I am guided by the power of Flowering

This is basically my birthday/horoscope according to the 13moon calender.  Decode your birthdate: http://www.13moon.com/decoder.htm

Excerpts from the 13moon.com website:

The current world calendar:

* upholds a framework of standardized church, state, and global marketplace activities
* defines the schedule of holidays and traditional cultural practices
* coordinates the worldwide socio-economic program

Put simply by physicist Mark Comings:"The 12 month calendar has a cycle that is contrary to and out of phase with the natural annual 13 fold gravitational wave created by the Moon's orbit around the Earth."

The 13 moon calendar
is an obvious and ancient way to structure the year.
13 cycles of 28 days describe the year perfectly,
with one day of renewal before the new year.

The 12-month calendar hides the 13th moon. The number 13 is now surrounded by superstition and is considered taboo; unlucky; evil. This fear is reinforced by cultural antiquities like "Friday the thirteenth." Often buildings have no 13th floor, or avoid constructing a # 13 apt unit. Why?

The ancient Maya had an entirely different relationship to the number 13, actually revering it at as the Key to Time itself. 13 is the Mayan galactic prime number; the Force of The Universal Movement of Creation.

---

Some one has taken, or perhaps I have misplaced my print out booklet for 13moons, and also my Satanic Bible...

I have Livia, Kyle, and Eddie on webcam and we're shooting a DIY, come watch

Or perhaps not.  What creature that raises from the ashes would be beautiful?

Last night I was confronted with the fire which would burn the insides of me.  It was pretty painful and upsetting, as it licked the inner emotions of my conscious, and maybe... probably... actually, most likely, my unconcious.  But I took it like a ... not a man, a man crumples with such internal prodding.  I took it like a woman.  Like the women who takes the pain of birthing, and the pain of heart ache and letting go.

But out of that fire births a creature.  Pheonix.

I wrote a entry on my Live Journal.  I think I will leave all my truely emotional things on LJ, but there will be overlap.  I just find that my emotional and spiritual ramblings do not interest the likes of you GG folk.  No bad feeligns, but I like comments and after writing a journal that yeilds no comments after a few days of posting, I pout about it.  No big deal. 

Here is my LJ: http://amythia.livejournal.com/

Something I said to NoPotNewGuy about my experiences last night:

(13:01:31) amythiathea Still have shadows about in my mind, but I'm dealing with it al ot better
(13:02:06) amythiathea Last night was very... well there was a lot of discussion, all good, but when I talk about my emotions and relaitonships a lot I get frazzled and upset
(13:02:33) johnnytrouble87 :-(
(13:02:41) amythiathea Not a bad thing though
(13:02:55) amythiathea Last night was very good in terms of progression and communication
(13:18:35) johnnytrouble87 well as long as there was progress I guess.
(13:20:57) amythiathea Yeah, I'm polyamorus and people I love are trying to deal with it, and I'm trying to deal with them dealing with it. I wish it was more socially acceptable and tolerated, so it won't be like I'm the only one.
(13:22:49) johnnytrouble87 yeah that sounds tough.
(13:23:28) amythiathea Hehe yeah
(13:23:30) amythiathea yay challenges

Dingo is making supper for me tonight. Yum.

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So look at pictures.


Amythia, Polymorphic, and Marla


Amythia Photographed by Jeremy Adshade of pshhonline.com and hair/makeup by Visha Loo.



Livia, Marla, Eddie and Amythia, outfits and photography by Healing Heart Designs.







A pirate party.

Slow progress.


Cat I live with. He is Spunk.


Me. Right now.

Plurk.com



I kind of want to read this.  Saw it in my steam punk blog:

Space Captain Smith is a recently-published steampunk novel by a Mr Toby Frost about a Captain Isambard Smith in service of the British Space Empire! Bringing steampunk into outer space, Mr Frost throws our Captain Smith in peril and adventure as he seeks to rescue a psychic hippy maiden from a hippy world and bring her to the safety of Her Majesty’s Interstellar Imperium, which is evidently threatened by legions of bloodthirsty ant-men, religious lunatics, and other rum types!

Amidst all this insanty, Smith has only his trusted sidekicks to count upon: a rampaging alien with a literal take on life, and a renegade android with a secret past and a hitman on her tail.
















Seems like a really amusing read to me.








Last night I was on Stickam and this guy comes on.  He does'nt say hi or anything, his webcam is a view of him and a football game playing in the background.  He's somewhat on the heavy side.  He is on the heavy side.  I pay no attention to him past saying the initial hi.  Then I crack my back, doing a stretch and he asks in very large font if that was the lotus position.  No, I say, I can't do that any more, I'm sure if I stretched more then I could do it.  The guy then says "That is what's wrong with kids these days, they don't stretch enough".  Can you bend backwards and touch your toes to her head you daft man?  I don't say anything about my contortion and I make a comment about how he considered me as a kid.  I found it quite condenscending coming from him.  After I grilled him for his large font he left, then came back and tried to chat with us using his mike, again just like his font it was loud and obnoxious, thankfully we were all saying our goodnights and I signed off.

Stickam is quite filled with the lonely, bored and desperate people of the world.  So many people with distorted social roles.



I want a white cat.



A friend on facebook posted a picture of his friends whte cat with different colored eyes.  Beautiful...



This actually made me tear up... a little bit.  I would have been so happy.  It is such a sweet story, I had to share it with you guys.  Cuteoverload.com posted it recently, I've never heard of it.


I also found a picture of me at Demonika's Symphony of Horror's on one of my friend's photography website. AMphotog.com I think.  I was the curtain girl and while I wasen't watching a performance from backstage, fooling around with Dingo, giving out prixes, or pulling the curtain, i was entertaining the crowd by dancing to the music.  I remember one really drunk lady was so incredibly infatuated with me, she would not stop giving me attention, it was nearly embarrassing and some how she had a backstage pass even though I don't recognize her.  She ended up being at the after party and she didn't give me the time of the day.

Pfft, girls.

Anyways, here are random, older pictures of me to wrap up this post.











The one on the right is me.