GodsGirl : Alaska > journals > reading "Untitled"
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Why does it run so strong throughout me to just be with someone. I WANT to be alone, or maybe I want to want to be alone. Instinctively, I want to fall asleep in someone's arms, I want to care for someone, and I want to do cute/special things for someone. I want to be attracted and focused on someone and get the same thing in return. It's not that I'm not happy being single, I'm just not very content with it-maybe that comes in time. I have never been single for more than a month since I was 13, SAD. That's just me though. Call it co-dependent, call it whatever you please, but to me I just need to share my love constantly with one person. It's just so hard everytime there's a breakup. It's been a month since we broke up and while I don't think of him often I CONSTANTLY dream about him, it's seriously irritating. I want to be past that phase and over the entire thing. I don't want random thoughts of him, or bad flashbacks of him throwing me on the floor that night, or the times where I remember exactly what he promised me and where we were when he said it, "Don't ever give up on me." I tried so hard that he ran away.
Enough, UGH! This has been the source of my depression lately and I want it to go away. Other than that I am mostly happy. I got to see Christine, Natalie, and Alicia tonight. Okay I think my situation sucks, her and Fernie broke up after 8 years of on and off relationship. She was sad but so tired and done. I wish the best for her <3
[above] My cat of 11 years, Ming.
xoxo
Viewing 16 comments on this page
Alaska
thank you, i appreciate that advice very much :]
Mina
Aww, hun. I know exactly what you're talking about. I wish I could give you cuddles. Cuz when you don't have a hubby you need some good friends with cuddle time and movies and stuffie animals and sharpies to draw on stuff. And more fun stuff. You get the idea. I wish I could steal you and have a horror movie marathon with you ! That would rock so much socks! I hope you feel better. Don't feel down! Everything gets better, I promise.
Alaska
aww thank you for leaving me this and relating to me. haha i wish you could give me cuddles too =p i love me some disney movies. thank you soo much though for this comment, made me smile :]
Mina
Good, I hate it when people are sad. =( It just makes me wish teleporters existed so that hugs could happen whenever !! =)
ps go watch old disney movies and look for sexual references, lol. Great mouse detective has burlesque in it. =)
Stacey-Beth
Honey, that perfectly describes how I am too.
Especially when me and my ex broke up. It's been about 10 months since the break up and I still think about him, everyday.
It's tough and it will take a long time. There's no doubt about it, but everyday that goes by you'll get a little happier.
I hope it comes sooner than later.
<3
Alaska
im sorry youre feeling the same
wow that is a long time to be sad over him :[ do this: go to your local
book store and pick up a book called "Its called a breakup because
it's broken" i promise it will help you.
JustinCali
if you surround yourself with things you love I'm sure you're more then capable of pulling through this funk that you're in..more then anything though, I do miss crawlin into bed next to my pretty lady, but just think if you could achieve being that content by yourself, how much more happier you'd be..
Alaska
thank you for this. i have been trying to surround myself in the things i love and its been helping a lot, really. thank you for this advice. thats why i went shopping today. im so close to being content when im alone, i just have those nights where i miss the company SO much.
chonocha
that totally looks like a much more cuddly version of my cat, cause mines a big douchebag, hah
but yea... i havent had a warm body to crawl up next to in awhile. i miss being able to care for someone and shit.. its been awhile. being single sucks sometimes. the lonely nights, the closeness the physicality... but theres a lot to say for being single. you get to learn so much about yourself, which i think is key in having a relationship last. its like, if you dont really know yourself, how can you expect to know someone else or even let them know you? idk... i still have random dreams and thoughts about all my ex's just cause they really did mean a lot to me. people i care about stay in my heart forever, but you just learn to let go. they're ex's for a reason, ya know...
Alaska
haha i love my cat! yours is probably cute too then if it looks like mine!
but yeah being single sometimes does suck but its a good feeling when you are happy because you are alone. i have learned a lot about ME in the past month. i have never been single since i was 15 for longer than a month. but yeah people i care about stay in my heart forever too. its just so hard to let go sometimes.
begoron
I think that everyone else has said about all that there is to be said about it. But I feel for you. It's so great to have someone come along who can take away those dreams...but finding them can be very difficult. We usually remember things to be much better than they really were, so replacing the ideal is very frustrating.
Alaska
thank you for the kind words <3 yeah i wish someone would come along and take away the dreams haha.
begoron
You will. I promise...good things come to those who wait. Plus if we didn't know how bad it could be, we wouldn't appreciate the good times.
Julene
Month two is easier than month one, and by month three usually you've pretty much moved on. A piece of unsolicited advice: maybe take a break and learn to be comfortable as a single female instead of rushing into another relationship.
Alaska
hi love bug
yeah i agree with that. its been a month or so and its getting pretty damn easy. i cant wait for month too. i am trying my best right now to feel comfortable being single. and i mostly do, its just late at night when i crawl into bed its kind of hard you know? i miss going on dates and stuff. well...dates..i dont know if that ever really happened haha. but spending time alone has taught me that i want to be treated like a lady and not just "hang out" with a dude the first time we meet, i want dates and shiiiit.
you and me should chill sometime.
back to the profile of Alaska
Cute kitty!
Everyone gets over a relationship in different ways and in different amounts of time. My last one took me a few months. But now it's been quite a while and I miss all the stuff you just mentioned.
Give it time, you'll move on when you're ready. : )
OXOX